Planing to come out as trans and in need of advice

[...Gekota]

I’ve been thinking a lot about coming out to my parents as transgender (AFAB to unlabelled but transmasc) my family are not religious and very supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community, they already think I’m gay from what I’ve overheard and are okay with it but their sort of thinking in the wrong direction. I’m not a huge fan on the idea of coming out for like your sexuality and stuff because I don’t think you owe it to anyone to have to feel like you NEED to tell them unless people like assume your straight and you just correct them. But gender identity is a bit harder and more complicated. At the moment I feel really fake and it’s been really really hard for me. All the times I felt different and uncomfortable with myself for years and still do sort of make sense now, even if I’m not 100% sure who I am. The only reason I want to come out is because being misgendered and referred to as my dead name makes me hate myself even more then I already do it makes me feel like I just need to put on this little costume and pretend I can be her, but I’m not. I also think my gender dysphoria is getting significantly worse and badly effecting my mental health. I don’t think I want to start medically transitioning yet as I’m still unsure who I am but I would like to make small changes in my life to make me feel comfortable by people who I love, my parents and brother and maybe one day I will be able to look at myself and smile and love who I am. I’ve already written a letter and I plan on giving it to them this holidays. I hope they except me but I can’t help but feel scared and it’s giving me so much anxiety over it and I’m worried I’ll just ruin everything. I’ve already put so much pain on them these past few years, what if this just destroys everything?Im so scared but I really need their support. It’s obviously not going to be easy to hear that your daughter is not in fact your daughter but your gender neutral child/son. I need support and advice as I really don’t want to hide anymore. Im so so so tired of pretending I can be this little girl. I want to be myself. I want to be comfortable and happy and not flinch every time a hear my birth name or people calling me feminine labels/pronouns I want to feel that amazing sensation when people ask for my pronouns I just want my parents to love me, the real me and realise I am there child, I always was. I am not a girl. And sometimes it sucks. Actually at this point in time it sucks like 98% of the time.

-N

[Sophie_M]

Hi ...Gekota,

Thank you for sharing such a brave and honest post. It sounds like you've been coping with a lot and have been incredibly resourceful through it. This is a welcoming and supportive space, and our community members are understanding, and many may be able to relate.

As you may already know, QLife will be really good to speak to about this, and can help you prepare for disclosing. You can reach them on 1800 184 527 or via webchat, from 3pm-midnight each day (AEDT).

There are some really good tips on preparing for this conversation over on the Kids Helpline website. One thing they mention is having someone to lean on for support during this time, as it can be really difficult to disclose and to hear our loved one’s initial reactions. If there’s a friend you can lean on, that’s amazing. Other options are a school counsellor or teacher if there’s someone you know can be supportive. If you need someone to speak to, you know where to find us (via phone or online chat).

It sounds like you’re making some really brave, considered and proactive decisions, so well done. We can hear it has not been easy, and you’ve been going through some extremely difficult times. Please know that we’re here for you through them, and you can reach out to us 24/7.

Thanks again for posting, ...Gekota, you never know how your story might help someone else. We hope you can find some comfort and understanding on the forums through this time. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Gekota,

Wow you really are such a brave and inspiring person.

Your parents will love you and want the best for you, I’m sure they will try to understand and support you.

Im sorry for the way you are currently feeling it must feel so difficult for you…..

Wishing you all the best