Lack of Intimacy in a new relationship

[Shaylee90]

Hi Everyone,

I am in a fairly new relationship and everything is going well except that I find our Intimacy lacks. We have been together for 6 months and do feel a connection to each other but the sexual side to our relationship hasn't taken full reins. I myself have a high sex drive and love all things romance. He is also very romantic in terms of flowers and being respectful to me. Am I overthinking that he isn't into me when it comes to Sex?

[missep123]

Hi Shaylee90,

Please know that you are not alone in how you are feeling. This is a common topic that comes up for a lot of people that I know.

I think that communication is super important when it comes to intimacy and seeing if you are 'on the same page'. Have you tried to speak to your partner about it? Sometimes it can just be a difference in sex drives but by talking about it, it can open up the possibility of working on it.

Some people have also looked into what their 'love language' is. Some people show their love through intimacy i.e. sex and others through romantic gestures like getting flowers. Really figuring out how you and your partner feel loved can help to increase understanding too!

I'm here for you!

[Aaronsis]

Hey Shaylee90

Welcome to the forum and I am sorry that you are up against the challenge of the connections with sex and what that means for each person.

I just want to acknowledge something you said in that you mentioned "..but the sexual side to our relationship hasn't taken full reins", what does that look like to you? Does your partner know what that means either?

Sometimes I find that we go about our sexual relationship and "go through the motions", sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't, sometimes we have to show our partners what we want and need as they may really not know, how would they unless we communicate?

He is showing you with flowers and his respect for you that he loves you but you may need to help him with what you need, he may even bring some things to the table too, things that you are not aware of.

If after some conversation about this it turns out that you are not sexually compatible then you have some questions to manage, like is the person more important that the sexual connection? Does the lack of sexual drive mean that the relationship is over? These are things that only you can answer.

I think some good conversation and some time together to help him along might be really a great start and even if he can meet you half way, and mostly get it right for you then that might be great! I hear what you are saying in that "are you overthinking this?"..the only way to know will be to ask him and to hear what he has to say, as we said before, he may not have any idea that you are needing more and therefore he could welcome the suggestions.

He may also say that he doesn't have the same amount of sexual energy you do and if not, you have some thinking to do.

We are here for you to chat and to listen and hopefully help you through this time.

Hugs to you

Sarah