in love with my best friend

[ceres]

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure.

I only started liking her this year, but we've been friends for four years now, and we're really close. I would rather be her friend than be nothing at all, and I'm afraid that if I talk to her about it, and the feeling isn't reciprocated, it won't be the same between us.

To complicate things further, me, her and another girl are a trio friendship group, and I'm concerned that if we do get together, the dynamic in our group will change in a bad way.

Also, what if we break up and then we aren't friends?

I just don't know what to do.

do nothing?

tell her?

I'm not sure if I could deal with being rejected by her, but I really want to be with her in a romantic way.

any advice would be appreciated!

[lil quirky]

Heyy!

Yeah it's not easy when this happens, I have a story about this if u want to read it, if not thats ok, I'm not going to say what my sexuality is because I am still unsure. Ok here it is, when I was at my old school and when I was "straight" my best friend (girl) (I am also a girl lol) told me one time that she for a bit had a crush on me it was like during my birthday or something which I thourght was so brave of her, and I kind of felt the same way during that time and told her, but idk why I still didn't think any thing of it, until last year like a year after that whole thing, I had to transfered schools and found I kind of liked another friend haha, but still didn't think anything of it for some reason. Then this year when Heartstopper came out (it's a must watch on netflix if you havent watched it) I watched it and it changed my life forever, I realised I definatly wasn't straight, and the funny thing was that when I told my friend from the other school (yes we still kept in touch) a bit after, she mesaged me and said that from her watching Heartstopper it's made her realise that she has liked me for the past 2 years, and that made me realise the same thing kind of, but the thing is, is that we live so far apart, and it's hard to catch up, and I'm also scared if I get together with her and if things don't work out, things might change, but sometimes it's good to take that risk otherwise you'll never know if she feels the same or not, and if things do turn out ok, she was one of my friends from a group also and I know none of this might be the same for you. Personally I think you should give it a shot, but first make sure you feel comfortable, and like you said, she hasn't come out to you yet, so go easy as she may be figuring stuff out or be straight, but by the sounds of it probably figuring stuff out, maybe take it slow for now, have you told her your bisexual? If not that might be a good way to go considering you are close friends and that might edge her to maybe come out, If you have thats great, maybe ask her some questions about it, or like ask her if shes interested in a relationship, I'm not sure 🙂 I hope this info has helped you and you can talk to me any time about anything 🙂

kind regards

-lil quirky

[ceres]

Thank you so much for the reply!!
I loved reading your story, it was great and very helpful, 🙂 I sort of always assumed that she knew I was bi, but now that you mention it, I haven't explicitly told her, so maybe I will! Thank you so much for the encouragement and really helpful advice!!

I hope you have an amazing day/night

- ceres

[lil quirky]

I’m so glad I could help out! 🙂

And yes, in some cases it’s better not to assume as they may assume you are but never bring up the subject just like how your not sure about her!

I also hope you have an amazing day/night and go to bed running your lines through your mind as you have imaginary convos with her doing every possibility of how you can have the convocation with her, just me who does that? Oh well, guess I’m just a lil quirky 😜

kind regards

-lil quirky

[geoff]

Hello ceres, let's imagine you are hetersexual and she is totally the other way, will she not want to be friends with you, I certainly don't think so, and it's the same if you like someone and she doesn't, would the same happen, no, it wouldn't.

If her discussions are all about other girls and what she likes about what they are doing, wearing, or being able to accomplish, then the possibility of being exactly like you is postive, and don't forget she may be just as frightened to mention this to you as you are to her.

Also if a male has a male friend who brings his girlfriend everywhere the three of them go, does that stop the three of you from going everywhere, no.

You are friends with your girlfriend because you have similar personalities, you do the same activities, and you laugh at the same thing, that brings two to become friends, so if you want to have a relationship with her, then start 'talking outside the box', then you will know.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[ceres]

Thank you for the reply geoff!

That's a really good way of looking at it, you really helped me put things into perspective. Maybe i will tell her how i feel, your encouragement means a lot.

I hope you have a great day/night!!

[geoff]

Hello ceres, thank you for getting back to us and please if you want to keep us informed on how you are going, I'd be interested.

Take care.

Geoff.

[hannah_d]

Hi everyone!

I'm in the same situation too. Ive only liked one girl who is one of my really close friends, but the fact is, she's aroace agender pansexual. She is the one girl i have liked, meaning i haven't liked any other girls. Ive liked boys all through primary school. Heartstopper also gave me a realisation into who i liked. But I dont know a lot about the different types, like agender, meaning you feel like you lack a gender or aroace. Does my sexuality change if she is agender? Would i still be considered bisexual?

Best wishes,

hannah d

[ceres]

thanks for sharing hannah! there is no one way to identify as bisexual, so if you feel like it fits you, go ahead and label yourself! some people define bisexual as an attraction to more than one gender, so under that definition, and if it feels right, you certainly could be! also, if you aren't sure what you are, don't feel pressured to label yourself, unlabelled people and people who just identify as queer are just as much a part of the LGBTQ community as people who are lesbian, gay or bisexual.

have a great day/night!
-ceres

[tmas]

I'm a little late to the party but oh my... I've been there, especially in high school. If you feel she might be queer, maybe open up the conversation by just discussing sexuality in general - does she know you're bi? 

You can't expect her to just come out, even if you do first. and you can't expect her to reciprocate either. The fear of ruining the friendship is SO REAL and is really the hardest part, but teenage pining is really part of the teen (especially the queer teen) experience. 

As a teen girl in an all girls school, I did my fair share of pining, even when I was "definitely straight". Yearning for close relationships and also for validation, having feelings for a friend who seems oblivious despite all the tension you are feeling was frustrating as all get out, and when something just shifts and you start to see this friend as something more, sadly they can get away with so much in your eyes. 

Frankly, high school is really weird time, and what you do now romantically doesn't necessarily add value or whatever to the whole experience - its tricky and also optional. If she turns you down, just know that life will go on, and I genuinely hope it wouldn't get in the way of your friendship. Of the girls I pined over, the infatuation was fleeting (even if it took over a year to flea, and leaving high school to really disappear). Try to have fun with the experience, open the conversation but don't let it get between friends. If your'e really uncomfortable with the tension that's another thing, but sexuality is hard forever, let alone in school.

Best of luck  🙂