I have just been wishing that I was gay more and more. I am definitely strictly only physically attracted to women. Despite this, I don't really feel comfortable with or close to women at all. I relate to men much more easily. I find it much easier to get along with men and in general, men are much nicer and respectful to me, and in a more genuine way. I have always found it true that men are much more willing to get to know me and are more likely to appreciate me the way that I am. They also tend to have personalities, morals, values etc.. which align with mine. I find that men are just a lot more energetic, down to earth, grateful, loving and less shallow compared to women, at least the guys I know. I also appreciate the whole idea of masculinity; not that I hate femininity, but I just personally don't relate to it at all.
Women are just mean to me. Never in my life has a woman ever accepted me or shown any interest in me (romantic and non-romantic), not even subtle. My interactions with them make me feel like I don't matter. I have had female friends in the past, and its the same. I find it hard to relate to them and they commonly made fun of me. The largest factor was becoming insecure about my height (5' 6). It's common sense that no woman can ever truly love a guy under 5'10, at least in the west. The thought that women will never accept me the way I am just pushed me even further away.
I don't hate women and choose to treat people as individuals, but I do hate the fact that I'm biologically wired to be attracted to them. Dating women is not something I want to do. Other barriers preventing me from being gay are that I don't want to be more discriminated against, and because my family will probably disown me. These are things which I cannot compromise on. As a result, it is unfortunate, but it seems like I have no choice but to date women who hate me and will never appreciate me (even if I do end up loving them). In an ideal world, I would be in a relationship with a man, but that is never happening.
