I thought I was a lesbian but I think I have a crush on a guy?

[drabmeasure]

I'm 25 and I've identified as a lesbian for my adult life but last week I met this guy through a friend and now I think I might have a crush on him? We were flirting all night & he asked at one point if I like both girls and guys (don't know if he was asking because he assumed I was gay and wanted to know if I liked him or the other way round) but I kind of avoided the question because I knew if I said I was gay it would put an end to the flirting. He dropped me home and I was a little drunk and texted him asking if he was still around if he wanted to go for a drive cause I wanted to keep hanging out with him but chickened out when he said he was down to come back to pick me up and said I needed to go to bed. We've messaged a bit and he asked me if I was free to hang out but I said no cause I feel like I need to figure this out before digging myself into too deep of a hole, plus I am seeing him next week with a group of friends so knew it wouldn't be long until I saw him again

I've had times in the past where I've thought I've been attracted to a man but when it comes to anything intimate happening I freak out and pull away. This was part of the reason I decided I was a lesbian because I figured getting along really well with men but not wanting to be intimate with them is what being gay is. But I also have a weird relationship with my body (I'm nonbinary) and I've never had sex with a man so I don't know if the times I've pulled away from it is because I was too scared and not because there was a lack of attraction, and maybe the thought of being with a man made me feel too much like a woman. I found out afterwards that him and his partner broke up 2 weeks ago and felt relieved at the thought that he wouldn't want to pursue anything serious because I'm not sure if I would want to be in a relationship with him/any man

I guess I'm trying to figure out if I was just enjoying the attention and the fun of flirting and having a crush or if I actually am attracted to him in that way? I don't want to get myself into the situation of leaning into it to experiment and kissing him and freaking out and making an excuse to leave because I've done that before and it's a horrible feeling - but if I kiss him and I like it and want to go further I would like to explore that. I also don't want to hurt him in the process

I'm also pretty scared of having to tell my friends if anything happens between us I really don't want to come out again - does anyone have any advice??????

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. It's such a tough and confusing situation, and it makes sense that you're struggling. Figuring out your sexuality or gender can be really scary and overwhelming, especially if you've felt sure of yourself for so long.

It's okay to be unsure of things—sexuality and gender can change and evolve, and there's no one right way to experience them. So... perhaps give yourself the time and space to explore these feelings without putting pressure on yourself.

As for telling your friends... that can feel really scary, but try not to stress about that just yet. Your feelings and comfort come first. If you feel the need to come out again later, that's okay. And if/when you're ready, remember that real friends will support you no matter?

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. This is a lot to take in, but you’ve got this. Trust your instincts, and don’t hesitate to set boundaries or take some space if you need it. Wishing you all the best.

Listening...