I'm confused with my sexuality

[NJS_1]

Hi,
I've just join and this is my first time doing this. So, here goes nothing. I've been questioning my sexuality on and off for about 1 year and 5 months. It has been frustrating, scary, stressful, confronting and I just don't know anymore. I also was questioning when I was 16 and it was just as challenging. With Covid-19 happening and causing all the LGBTQ+ groups closing I haven't been able to talk to someone from the community who I could (possibly) relate to, so I thought I'd give this a try. I've come out as bisexual to some family members, including my parent and they're supportive, but I feel like bisexual doesn't suit me. This has lead me to think 'am I a lesbian?'. I've talked to my psychologist about my sexuality as well, but I worry I'm annoying her because I've brought it up a quite a bit and also, I would like to talk to someone who is part of the community. There is someone, a friend, who is bisexual, but she hasn't had this much trouble with figuring out her sexuality and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about this. I bottle this up sometimes and when I have I become awkward, I feel like I can't talk properly and I'm not entirely truthful. I feel incredibly alone, I feel like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way and I can't take this stressful questioning any longer - I need to talk to someone. If there is someone, any advice would be much appreciated.

[NJS_1]

Hi Helarctus,
I've realised I'm a lesbian, I did make another post a few months back or so about it and now I feel more settled with it since coming out at gay. However, there are moments where something will happen and I wonder if it compulsory heterosexuality or my actual feelings. I do like the advice about looking at a person's personality or physical appearance than their gender, but for me, at this time I'm attracted to women than men. Also, compulsory heterosexuality is just...so frustrating and annoying because I feel I have to dig up all this dirt to get to the treasure that is my true self and there's many twists and turns as well. Thank you for your advice and perspective.

[NJS_1]

Hi Cotey,
Sorry to hear about your experience with a homophobic therapist. I can kind of relate as I had a psychiatrist who basically did not believe I was bisexual (I thought I was bi at the time) and said (and I quote) "you're confusing sexuality with choice"which makes no sense what so ever! However, I'm happy to say I no longer see him and I have an amazing psychologist who doesn't judge and is open minded. I've used Qlife once before and it was okay - just okay. At this point in my life I don't really want to dig too deep into my sexuality as I feel quite settled with being a lesbian and I don't want to rock the boat. However, trying to sort out the compulsory heterosexuality and other things is a bit difficult. Thank you for your advice and sharing your brief story 🙂

[Helarctus]

Hello NJS_1,

I hope you are well and the summer gives you ample opportunity to enjoy the summer sun

Having an apple because you love that one particular kind of apple does not mean you don't mostly prefer pears. ( to oversimplify ) It also does not define you as a person.

I agree that there is a hetero-dominant lean to a lot of society that can push and even oppress people. You are the only person who can know who you love and are attracted to. The other side of the coin is remembering that the same is true of every other person, as much as one might want for a particular outcome, if the subject is of a different mind, it will not resolve.

I had a conversation with one of my minions friends who expressed some homophobia, I explained that if someone of the same gender asked them out, then that was a compliment. They were always entitled to say thank you, but not interested, and everybody can be on their way. Again, this goes both ways. they seem to have taken it onboard.