Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

I'm confused with my sexuality

Community Member
I've just join and this is my first time doing this. So, here goes nothing. I've been questioning my sexuality on and off for about 1 year and 5 months. It has been frustrating, scary, stressful, confronting and I just don't know anymore. I also was questioning when I was 16 and it was just as challenging. With Covid-19 happening and causing all the LGBTQ+ groups closing I haven't been able to talk to someone from the community who I could (possibly) relate to, so I thought I'd give this a try. I've come out as bisexual to some family members, including my parent and they're supportive, but I feel like bisexual doesn't suit me. This has lead me to think 'am I a lesbian?'. I've talked to my psychologist about my sexuality as well, but I worry I'm annoying her because I've brought it up a quite a bit and also, I would like to talk to someone who is part of the community. There is someone, a friend, who is bisexual, but she hasn't had this much trouble with figuring out her sexuality and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about this. I bottle this up sometimes and when I have I become awkward, I feel like I can't talk properly and I'm not entirely truthful. I feel incredibly alone, I feel like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way and I can't take this stressful questioning any longer - I need to talk to someone. If there is someone, any advice would be much appreciated.
12 Replies 12

Hi NJS_1,

Welcome to our community. Thank you so much for posting, we understand doing this for the first time can be difficult. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone. We empathise with how difficult it must be to have difficulties accessing the services you need. Please know that our community is here to support you. Some of our members would relate and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. 

If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. The Coronavirus Support Service will be able to offer you support, but also refer you to an appropriate service as we understand that you are looking to speak to someone who is part of the community.


Community Member

Hey pal. Bit of advice from someone who also goes to therapy - don’t worry about annoying your psychologist. It’s their job to help you get through your problems. If the biggest problem in your life rn is your sexuality, just flat out tell them “I want to talk about my confusion around my sexuality over our next few meetings”. If they’re a good psychologist (and I hope that they are), they will be more than willing to help you work through any of your problems.

Hope this helps 🙂

Thank you, it does help 🙂

Community Member
Thank you for the reply 🙂

Community Member

Hi Hi NJS_1,

Im not sure if this is going to be super helpful, but I thought i would post a reply because I can sort of relate to how you are feeling at the moment.

Im 18 now and for a very long time I have put off confronting my feelings about my own sexuality. Because of this no label feels right to myself and thus I haven't told my family or friends about my sexuality. Particularly because i have a wonderful group of friends (many who are LGBTQ+), however i always felt that they just knew what their sexuality was, which is something i have struggled with personally. Them appearing to be so sure of themselves used to make me feel worse about myself.

I Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your frustration.

In addition, I understand the frustration in questioning yourself. What helped me with this at least was one of my siblings friends telling me that it is normal to go between labels as you grow up. Your feelings are normal and okay.

I hope you feel better soon about this 🙂

I definitely can relate to having friends who didn't struggle with knowing their sexuality, well, it's only one (the woman who I talked about in the original post). When I found out my friend didn't struggle I felt isolated and I didn't know what to do, so it's good to know there are others who've felt the same way. This is so difficult. Sometimes I think about going back into closet, but if I did that I believe I would be even more miserable and frustrated than I am now. What makes things even more difficult is that I don't feel valid because I haven't even kissed a woman and a psychiatrist didn't believe me when I told him (I don't see him anymore. It's difficult to not think about what he said). I sometimes feel like a fraud or I don't deserve to be part of the LGBTQ+ community or I'm lying to myself, then I question if I'm straight again. But I do find women attractive and I feel trapped when I think about labelling myself straight. I've dated a guy before which didn't end well and I think 'am I just saying I'm bisexual, so I don't have to date men?'. I'm so sorry for rambling and carrying on. There's been so much on my mind. I just wish this wasn't so difficult. Thank you for commenting 🙂

Community Member

Hello - I would suggest contacting https://qlife.org.au/ they specialise in servicing this LGBTIQA+ community so wont get annoyed! A safe space.

When I was working this out (in my early thirties) I saw a therapist who was religious and homophobic (eg. using terms like 'normal' for cis gendered heterosexual relationships - ick ) and it set me back significantly...I lost a few years of being a more happy queer human as a result. I hope this guidance will save you wasting years.

Keep your mind and heart open and you will find your place. all the best Cx

yes, and if they aren't comfortable in this space find another one for this stuff - suggest https://qlife.org.au/ - free online chat feature and helpline. And make use of those 20 claimable sessions we are now entitled to via govt mental health plan. ask your gp about that if you are not already sorted.

Community Member

Hello NJS_1,

I am glad you joined the forums, clarifying your sexual identity for yourself can be one of the most challenging things, especially when you are cut off from resources, as we are through COVID-19 events. Try not to pressure or push yourself in a particular direction, this only adds more stress to your day.

Instead here is something to ponder (broadly);

If there are some 64 (as google tells me) different assignations for gender, some of which can only be confirmed by internal scans. How can anyone specifically be attracted to a particular gender?

Instead perhaps, looking at the things you like; traits, physical shape, emotional intelligence, compassion etc. and then see how you go being with the person, regardless of their gender. Just as you are a unique person with a complex mix of factors like eye colour, height, smile, the way you walk etc. I know I want to spend more time with someone who is interested in me as a person overall than who is soley focused on what may or may not be in my pants.