I feel like I'd like to be a boy?

[waffle_puppy]

Hi again! So recently I've been questioning my gender for a few weeks, and I've asked myself various questions such as "Would it be better for me?" or "Would I be happier in my body?" and I honestly feel as if I could be free if I was a boy. Every time I glance in the mirror, I don't see a girl as I used to anymore; and I feel like a boy is staring back at me, or at least I'd like to see that one day. I've begun to feel uncomfortable with my body and every single time I wear something feminine, or even get called "she" I feel absolutely horrendous and awful on the inside, or even being called by the name I was given makes me feel disgusted and sad. I'm afraid of the fact that my parents might hate me for wanting to be a boy, so I never told them; but I have last year as I felt the same way. The results? My dad said "Just wait for a while, maybe you'll change your mind." compared to my mom who said the same, but with nicer wording; so I kept it a secret for a while. Along with that, I'd really like to be called Colin as I feel like it'd suit me the best. However I just don't think I look like a boy enough, or that I might be deemed "strange" for a boy. I'm not sure though, however I just wanna be a boy who's there to support his friends through everything. Maybe I'll tell my parents when I'm 18, but despite that they told me I'm too young to think that I'd like to be a boy. What could I do? 😣

[sbella02]

Waffle_puppy,

Thank you so much for reaching out, and I can see how this is a troubling situation for you.

For a lot of young people who question their gender identity, the most simple but effective way to "try out" that identity tends to be experimenting with appearance or pronouns. If you have a small group of really supportive friends, it could be a good idea to have them start referring to you with different pronouns (they/them, he/him) and see how that feels for a while. Hair and clothing can be another good place to start - shorter haircuts can feel more affirming, or dressing in a more "masculine" way. Pick somebody in the media whose style or presentation you admire and start dressing like them, see how it feels for you. Even if you don't feel like you fully look like a boy, it can feel really nice to start presenting yourself in that way if it feels right.

You definitely don't have to make any decisions about your gender identity now, particularly as you're still forming your own identity in other ways. That solidarity in who you are and how you identify can come later. There's no pressure to put a label on it unless you want one, and even then, you don't have to share it with anybody you if you don't want to. 

These are just my suggestions, I hope this is helpful. As always, we're here to chat some more if you'd like.

Take care, SB