yeahh that sort of confused stuff is a mood. straight up as someone young like you op, i'm afab and i guess i've worked like that for all my life but honestly it's more like i don't feel like a girl, but that not-girl is outweighed by how much not-boy and not-nb i am. (enclosed in this message is tickets to eight's cool new game show, called "am i actually non-binary or am i just ~not like the other girls~ uwu~" /s) i thought i was more andro than anything because having hair that reaches down your shoulderblades and your favourite colour being an eyebleeding hot pink is feminine enough to balance out how you can notice your hips look a lot more defined now and being out of it for a literal hour?
reports are in that it maybe doesn't constitute as androgynous.
i've been noticing as well i've been acting more and more masc? i've always had some more boyish interests and a fun junction of several disorders and naturally being a whackjob i've never been that girly and always been a disaster wearing skirts but it's seemed to ramp itself up when woah! suddenly my body's way more feminine now! also i guess being gay has also messed up badly how i see myself as a girl too so that's a fun happy meal combo isn't it
i def wanna change my name for many reasons (it's so hyper-feminine, people never pronounce it right or always confuse it for other names, it's got Bad Emotions and i've never processed a single emotion correctly in my life so i'm throwing my name out and replacing it with a homemade one!) but i... also don't know where to start when it's so wildly different from my old name and i feel like i'd get weird looks for wanting to change it - i've been in a bind with my pronouns p close to how i feel my gender. he/him is... very weird, but they/them is okayish? she/her feels the most alright though. but that one thing about how loose clothing makes you feel better is... accurate because the best way to rein in my desires to carve out my chest like a jack-o-lantern is layers on layers of shirts or jackets
tbh i've considered trying to force myself to stop being masc when haha, how i act is a one-way ticket for kids to throw rocks at you while they chant dyke. even though i've said i suck at being fem i don't want to be called slurs anymore
i'm reading over this and even though i intended it to be advice it's more like oversharing and wordvomiting my feelings which is the exact antithesis of what i wanted to do. i'm disappointed in myself but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
eight
