Need help with gender identity.

[Guest_553]

A bit of context - I am 19, born female and have multiple mental disorders, some which were caused by past trauma.

Now I've always been masculine. Even as a child, I felt like one of the boys. It was when I hit puberty when the issues started. As I developed breasts and started to physically mature. This was a tough time for me. I always opted for short hair, NEVER wore feminine clothes. I always shopped in the masculine section because I felt most comfortable there.

My family would joke and make fun of me for looking like a lesbian. They're extremely homophobic and transphobic. Obviously this made me hide in my little shell for a long time. I was kicked out at age 17 and have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years now.

He isn't exactly transphobic or homophobic but he pulls jokes that make me extremely uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I love him TO DEATH. He is an incredible person and really sweet but I have been terrified of coming out to him.

That isn't my issue at the moment, however. My issue is that I feel like I am a male. I have major dysphoria. Yet sometimes I like to act feminine? I'm scared of asking people to call me he/him (my preferred pronouns) but then accidentally acting slightly fem? I FEEL male...

I'm just really confused. I want to be male. I want to pass as male yet I am terrified of being called out as fake by other people saying how I'm putting it on...

Is being FtM and still a little fem in how you act valid? Is it wrong? I'm scared of being who I really want to be.

I am still attracted to males only but feel male myself. I am so confused, mostly because I don't know if what I am feeling is valid.

[Rabbit33]

Hi TyArthur,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly, When you asked if 'this is wrong?' In short, NO! You are an individual and therefore you are entitled and valid to feel and be attracted to whomever you may desire. It is not up to others to decide if this is right or wrong. Don't let other peoples opinions hold too much value of something that is so important to you.

It really does sound like you're going through a confusing and tough time. I am a gay male but i do have a few friends who are transgender. 1 being FtM and another being MtF and they are incredible people. I've been extremely blessed to have had them share parts of their journey/story with me and it's quite empowering and lifting. There are plenty of services out there that offer support and information on transgender and gender identity.
It may be worth having a look at a couple of these sites below.

- https://gendercentre.org.au/

- https://transgendervictoria.com/

You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable for being who you are and no matter how you identify doesn't determine how you act or who you are attracted to. It's your uniqueness that contributes to these feelings and which ever way you slide, is 100% okay, better than okay!
The understanding of everything is quite overwhelming but don't let that scare you into being who you are. I'm sorry you feel that you don't have a strong support network to assist with all this. Maybe speak with your GP and express your concerns, see whether they can provide you with a referral to someone who specializes in this area and can provide you with some support until you decide when to take action and make any changes? It's important to have support behind you.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask a way. I study with a peer whom actually provides information nights to youths regarding this exact topic so could try probe him for some info if that helps?

Please feel free, comfortable and safe to express as little or as much as you'd like on these forums.

I wish you all the best and hope that you're having a lovely day!

Chat soon. 🙂

[MissBenthos]

I know plenty of males who have feminine qualities. It doesn’t make them wrong or invalid. You know you best. Your feelings are valid!

[LizK]

Have you considered that you could be either gender fluid or non binary and it both cases still Trans but just another flavour?

Non binary in its simplest explanation is neither strictly male nor strictly female and either presentation is perfectly acceptable. These people tend to identify as one or the other for short to very long periods It is a little more complicated in the details than my simplistic description however I think it will give you the idea

Gender fluid is as it sounds...one day you may feel very strongly feminie and the next you may be feeling a bit more masculine and this can fluctuate from day to day or longer periods. Some people are comfortable presenting aspects of both these parts of their personalities and will take some from both at the same time.

Neither one of these options is in any way "wrong"

Coming out can be really difficult and in my experience costly as far as relationships go. I have lost the vast majority of my extended family since coming out 5 years ago. It is a sad truth that for many of us we lose people no mater how we handle it or when we do it. Some do keep their entire families and friends but these people seem to be in the minority. The thing I would ask you to consider is this...you get one chance at this life and you can spend it conforming to others expectations of you or you can make your own decisions and take your own road.

Take care

Liz

[KindaEmoTrash]

Hi there.

So I was born female, but for the past.... 4 years (?) i have been having issues with my gender idenity.

When I was a kid I didnt have any issues, I felt content in a way. The only thing was that I obsessivly idolized male charecters (Spiderman, Hiccup from Httyd, Tobias Eaton from divergent ect.) and would pretend to be them 24/7. But when puberty started it just spiraled out of control. I went into depression at the age of 11 because of my period and i would REFUSE to wear sports bras because I was so scared of them. At the time I didnt have any words to put to how I felt.

Around early last year (I was 13) I found out what being trans or enby was, and I felt drawn to the idea. I cut my hair short and started to dress like a boy. I never had the intent to be a boy, but I didnt feel like a girl in a way. I thought it as just my emo phase doing its thing but recently its been getting worse.

Im currently 14, and I can not look at myself in a mirror, shower, wear any form of clothes that shows my body ect. I recently got friends to start calling me he/him pronouns, i borrowed my friends binder and I have started using socks to pack,and it has been feeling better, but im nervous. Im scared of it being a phase and I'm lying to myself.Since I was such a fem child who had no care for my gender I'm just confused and worried.

I do have a therapist who I am seeing for my GAD and dysphoric problems,and she says that some trans people only develop dysphoria when puberty starts, but im still scared of making any desisions because I dont want to end up regretting it in any way (Even though I know it does make me happy)

(Also sorry for any grammar mistakes, I'm really tired)