After some horrible situations with men/women in my past, finding my 'ideal' is more about looking back and identifying what worked as well as what didn't.
It takes two, so without looking at myself also, it's pie in the sky stuff. Once upon a time, (sounds like a fairy-tale) romance and sex were high on my list. These days it's more practical characteristics that form my ideal.
Questions might include; Is this person open, honest, reliable, likeable and respect themselves? Will this person carry their fair share of responsibilities? Will they tear my head off for not being perfect or wanting time for myself? Are they jealous or prone to unexpected outbursts?
Probably more importantly; am I safe around them?
Looks aren't as important as how they care for themselves. But then, what's the point in wanting someone who's willing to spend time on self care when I don't?
Do I feel worthy of them and are they worthy of me? Or am I going to lower my standards to just have someone 'there'?
What I've learned about myself, is that peace and 'calm' have to be in their nature to meet my needs. Working out disputes and conflict must be done with respect and focus on the issue, not me personally; because that's what I expect from me.
As for trust? I've learned the hard way, that trusting myself is just as important as trusting them. That way I'll act on my own behalf to protect and promote my needs first.
I figure, if yin/yang attraction is chemically driven, then the less adrenaline I have from fear, the closer I get to the middle of the stick. Then my match won't be so oppositional to my ideal. If that makes sense...
Being idealistic probably isn't practical, but it helps to stick to my expectations and not settle for less.
Thanks for listening..
Sez
