Dear Bman40~
Welcome here to the Forum, I apologize for the delay in getting back to you , the system does not always perform as we might like.
Reading your post and the concerns you have it seems to me that you are a conscientious person who places value on your heterosexual relationship, perhaps well established, perhaps married or partnered, perhaps with kids. -As you can see I'm guessing.
Despite valuing what you have you are finding you are attracted to men, not something you set out to do on purpose, simply the way you react. You check them out , a natural thing given an attraction. I'm heterosexual but check out attractive females, by instinct I guess. It does not mean I love my partner less or am going to take any action at all. The world is full of attractive people.
Feeling guilty is completely inappropriate, as I said you do not do this deliberately or as some sort of plan to hurt anyone, it is simply a part of your self you may not have known of before is now apparent. You have grown to the extent you see more of yourself -surely not a bad thing.
Acknowledge you are attracted to men, it is part of you, and there is nothing to be in two minds about. It could be you are attracted to women too, or maybe not.
If there is a problem it is what you should do with the new found knowledge, and you can work out the alternatives as well as I can
1) You could try to ignore it and carry on your existing relationship as if nothing had happened. This has several downsides and may lead you to resenting your current partner. It may also keep on increasing your sense of guilt.
2) You could attempt to have an affair without saying anything. In the short term you may discover more about yourself and be happy in it - or not if you pick someone who becomes undesirable.. The downside here is you are not being open with your existing partner, and due to a posssible change in how you appear they may suspect anyway and feel betrayed.
Then again some people manage affairs for many years, and some partners simply don't want to know wish to have thing keep on going as they always have been. A surprising number feel this way and will say so openly.
3) You could talk it over with your existing partner and see how it goes. They may be willing for you to explore yourself and still want you as they value/love you anyway -and want you to be happy.
4) You may decide to break your existing relationship and find some else of your sex. Pretty drastic and I'd have thought only a last resort. Practically both you and your ex may end up with nobody - it is a possibility.
Perhaps there are other alternatives I've not mentioned - if you have kids for example that may sway your mind
In any case you have done nothing at all wrong, if you treat people kindly you will do nothing wrong even if someone gets hurt. it is up to you to decide what is the most desirable and practical thing to do and there I can't help.
If you would like ot come back and talk some more please do, you are facing a difficult situation and being alone with it makes it hard.
I'll mention in passing QLIFE who may be able to give information and some counceling, it is quite a frequent problem.
Croix
