Bisexual?

[Rural_nsw]

Been married for 8 years and the other day my wife found gay porn on my phone, I never gave it much though looking at gay porn, just did it without thinking about what I was thinking, now I did a silly thing and denied I was looking at it and fobbed it off as a virus on my phone (don't think she believes it though) we haven't spoken about it since but I've been thinking that I believe I'm bisexual or curious at least. I don't know I'm all over the shop at the moment

[MsPurple]

Hi Rural and welcome to the forums

It took me some time to realise and accept I'm bisexual. On the kinsey scale I am closer to the straight side. Only been on a few dates with girls and have one been in relationship with me. Sexuality is confusing. Some people are sure of themselves, and just know. Others are like me and don't know. I kinda realised I wasn't alone with these feelings by watching Shane Dawsons coming out video on youtube (feel free to watch)

Now because you like watching same sex porn doesn't mean you are bi/gay/straight etc. Porn isn't reality. I know some people that like to watch porn in categories that they wouldn't normally do (or don't want to do with their partners) because they like to seperate sex and porn. A lot of people do this. Also a lot of people are curious about same sex intemesy (sp?) even if they are not gay/lesbian/bi.

I know it is confusing. I am not saying you are bi and I'm not saying you are not. It can take time to figure it out. Even if you were bisexual it doesn't mean you can't be just as happy with your spouse. Bisexuals have very happy long term relationships 🙂 If you are questioning it I found it helpful to talk to someone about it. I spoke to my therapist. I found it really helpful and it made me feel less ashamed and less confused and it gave me confidence it who I am regardless of sexuality

Hope this has been helpful. Trust me these are very normal feelings to have

[geoff]

Hi Rural_nsw, welcome to the forums.

What it could mean is that you're just curious about it, but you love your wife and would never consider cheating because observing is different from participating in.

The question is why was your wife checking your phone, that's your own privacy and husband and wife do keep secrets from each other no matter how much they love one another.

If you're looking at both men and women then you maybe struggling with your sexual orientation, so can I suggest that you both talk it over, not only with yourselves but also with a counsellor.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Rural_nsw]

Cheers for the advice, I will discuss it with my wife when the timing is right, that could be tomorrow or down the track but it has to be the right time and place. My mind's all over the place and although I never show my feelings irl I am struggling underneath, so much easier saying it over the internet than real life

[geoff]

Hi Rural_nsw, I understand the point you make, you can change what you want to say online, retract what you've written and then alter it or just delete it.

If you're struggling underneath and I'm sure you are, when is going to be the best time to discuss it, but when you do, then that's going to be off your chest.

Can I just suggest that you may not get any reaction at first but it's been said.

Please let us know how you get on.

Geoff.