Being gay is lonely and unfair

[AD80]

I struggle being gay as I find it very lonely and unfair. I’m 45 and my longest relationship was 3 years but he broke up with me by text and never came home. That was 5 years ago and I’ve been single since and only been on one date since. I’m quite decent looking and smart and nice, it’s just hard being in such a small segment of the population and I like “normal” masculine/guy next door types (I'm not into feminine, trendy or overly gay sexualised guys) and they are all straight and married. I’ve also been living in a regional town for the last 5 years as it’s hard to move to a city due to the housing crisis etc. It’s lonely and I find it really really depressing when every single attractive guy I see is married with kids and not interested in me in the slightest because I’m male. Or occasionally a good looking guy who wants to have sex but it’s just secret sex and degrading and leaves me feeling used and alone. I’m sick of online dating the guys have no common decency and have apauling treatment of each other and are so selfish. I recently met a guy online who just wanted sex but he was very attractive to me and the type of guy I’d like for a bf. I drove 400km to meet him and got a hotel and he stood me up. It was very upsetting/hurtful. Anyway I find being gay very unfair and upsetting. I wish I could meet a nice farmer and go and live with him. I’m getting old and wasting the best years of my life being single. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

I feel for you, it's lonely for many but being gay- yes it's harder to find love.

I do believe the bigger problem is low self esteem coupled with lack of rebound. Eg when you were stood up after 4 hours driving there? When you start your car up to drive home, rebound, throw that date, that bag of rocks- in the river! Turn the music on and accept that it's life, humans can be cruel. 

I would persist in online dating and be really choosy, some guy that likes country living is a must. Also, place a discreet advert in a newspaper in a city nearby.

Developing a positive mind isnt easy. Attend motivation speeches, read up on motivation. That where your main issues lies. You are worthy of love, you are lovable. 

Google- beyondblue LGBTIQ, you are jigsaw peice 

I hope you do well, but living as a positive person you'll never look back. 

"Single life can be lonely but not near as lonely living with a partner with different values"

TonyWK 

[AD80]

Hi Tony,

thanks for your reply.

im not sure about lack of self esteem, but I sure have a lot of frustrations and things I can’t control in multiple areas of my life that make my life difficult. 

I like your comments about shaking things off and trying to be more positive though. I can fake it but I feel like my feelings and thoughts are valid for my experiences. 

one day at a time and I’ll keep trucking.

hope things are ok for you too.

thank you. 

[white knight]

When I separated I spoke to myself for 3 months into a mirror. "You are a good father, you are worthy of love, you will survive." It followed my only suicide attempt.

It worked. 

You, are your best supporter. I wish you well. Keep trying

TonyWK