Asexual or low libido

[John2468]

So my partner and I have significant differences in our libidos that is jeopardizing our relationship. I had generally gone with the assumption that my low libido was due to weight, my dreadful mental health and stress. My partner's libido is very high.

A month or so ago my partner showed me a post they had found regarding asexuality that to their mind could explain things. Asexuality is something I had not heard of before and reading some more about it, I see why my partner came to that view. I've looked at some online tests on asexuality but I'm sceptical about them, with the line between asexuality and low libido seeming quite blurred.

I'm lost and confused and don't know which way to turn.

[geoff]

Hello John, although I'm not a doctor there can be a slight difference between the line of asexuality and low libido because when anybody is suffering from any type of depression they don't have the enthusiasm or want to have any intimate relations with anybody but depends on how long you have felt this way.

Sometimes when a partner has a high libido and their partner has to begin taking medication could be a reason why they don't want this to happen or you could always be physically tired, so there are many different unknown reasons.

There can be other precautions if you want to get back to us for you to be aware of.

Geoff.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello there
I can definitely see this as a big thing that can affect a relationship and is important to address
My libido has been low for a long time due to medication

It does sound like a confusing situation as libido can be from a number of things but have you considered talking to a GP?

If you need to chat you can call the BB service anytime you need

[Banksy92]

Hi John2468,

How long have you felt this way? As people have mentioned, there are so many factors that can reduce and eliminate our libido, including our mental health and medications. If you think back, was there a time earlier in your life when you felt you had more of a sex drive?

If you identify as asexual, you might not ever really remember a time when you felt sexual urges and desires.

Or if you used to and more recently it is just not there, that might suggest it'' being lowered by these other factors.

Take your time to see if what feels right, it can be a journey to figure these parts of ourselves out. I hope your partner is supportive of you in this process.

[sbella02]

Hey John2468,

Thank you for sharing your experience so openly, and a warm welcome back to our forums.

Asexuality can be very confusing. One of my close friends is currently exploring their identity with regards to feelings of sexual attraction, as they believe they've never experienced it but aren't totally sure what experiencing it feels like to know the difference. As a bisexual woman myself, sexuality (or lack thereof) and identity are topics that I find deeply fascinating and have done much personal research into.

What I would recommend is having a little preliminary Google search into what asexuality is, and see if you can maybe relate to any of the experiences of other people. Reddit is a good place for this kind of thing, as you can find groups of people who have similar experiences and thoughts about their own sexual identities.

If you're having trouble distinguishing between libido and feelings of sexual attraction in general, it may be worth seeing a GP. It may also help to do a bit of research into the types of attraction. My close friend has done this and found it to be very useful for clarifying certain difficult feelings.

Have you ever experienced sexual attraction, or what you believe to be sexual attraction? Is your reduced libido a recent occurrence, or have you always had low libido?

Feel free to chat some more!

SB 🙂

[John2468]

Hi Geoff

Thanks for your reply. The line between asexuality and low libido is one that I've struggled with in considering this. Quite a few of the things that can reduce libido are present - in addition to mental health and weight, there's been a lot of stress at home, the usual stress of work and commuting, and we have two small children. Pretty tired in generally really. All of those things lead to a lack of enthusiasm and not seeing intimacy as it should be.

[John2468]

Hi HappyHelper88 - thanks for your message. Yeah, that's a great idea - I'll have a chat with my GP.

[John2468]

Hi Banksy92

Thanks for your reply. I think it's more libido issue (I've had a low libido for years) but there's a lot of things that I and my partner have read on asexuality that also seems to be relevant. The whole discussion with my partner has been quite confronting but something I'm working through.

[John2468]

Thanks for the warm welcome SB. I really appreciate the suggestions you gave, which I'll work my way through.