Am I Gay or Trans

[Guest_08188120]

I'm confused!

Am I Gay or Trans?

I accepted that i was and am gay after all these years but the past few years and now I'm leaning more trans?

help please

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Thankyou for your interesting post. Might I suggest, that if you are confused as to what category you belong, then you might be taking these divisions of sexuality a little too seriously. Let me explain.

A well known Aussie singer Missy Higgins said many years ago... "I treat my relationships as "fluid. They come and they might go, they could be this or that in sexuality as am I" (paraphrasing).

It could be that you dont fit perfectly into either of those categories but one thing is sure- you fit perfectly into your own category of sexuality and gender.

This means of course that you are unique, wonderful and if that leads to trans or back to gay... it really doesnt matter. In fact at a Gay bar or party if someone asked you could reply "I'm actually in transit between gay and trans and enjoying the discovery of myself."  After all there is nothing wrong with honesty and its ok to be on a journey.

All this leads to one direction- loving yourself for who you are whatever you become and a prospective partner might well fall in love with you as you are. So in effect I dont see you having a "problem" as such even though you feel you do have one. Build up some confidence by meeting more like minded people that after many conversations could well help you more than others with finding your identity.

I hope I've helped and it can be a really exciting trek towards finding the real you rather than be a burden on yourself.

TonyWK

[sbella02]

Hey there,

Thank you so much for posting here, and welcome to the forums. TonyWK has given some great advice, I'm here to echo this and offer my own.

Firstly, your identity is valid regardless of how you identify. Your identity can be fluid, and that's okay - our attraction to people can change and develop.

What feelings or thoughts have led you to think that you might be?

This may be a good place to start, as well as looking into resources that can help you make sense of what you're feeling at what it means for you and your identity. Also, try to remember that sexuality can be tied into gender identity too - if you find yourself moving between labels with your gender, you may find that your label of your sexuality changes as well. 

I'll also say that you don't necessarily need to label your identity either, unless you want to. While you're still organising your thoughts, describing your identity with terms like "fluid" or "queer" may feel more appropriate or comfortable for you.

With regards to feeling like you may be trans, you could start to experiment with your physical presentation (fashion, hairstyle, specific makeup if you need to) and see how different presentations affect how you feel. Similarly, if you'd feel comfortable asking people to use different pronouns for you this may be something to experiment with - if you have loved ones around you who you could confide in, you could try asking them to refer to you with different pronouns to see how it feels for you, or even get their advice or insights if you wish.

I hope this helps, and please feel free to chat with us some more if you'd like, we're here for you. Gender identity and sexuality are some of my particular areas of knowledge/interest (I'm a bisexual woman myself), so I'm more than happy to give some more advice if you feel like you need some, or even resources if you need any. 

All the best, SB

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

It’s okay to feel confused—figuring out who you are can take time, and it’s perfectly normal for your understanding of yourself to evolve. You don’t need to rush or have all the answers right now.

Take your time to explore your feelings, maybe talk with a trusted friend (or perhaps a counsellor?). And remember that both being gay and being trans are valid. You are good just as you are.

[Earth Girl]

Hi there,

I guess it would depend on how you feel as a person. Do you like being the gender you were born with or do you have moments where you wish you were born the other gender?

If you are a man who wants to explore your identity, I would suggest wearing clothes that are more feminine (you could even just do this at home) and see if you like wearing those clothes and feel better in those clothes. Or, if you are a woman who wants to explore your identity, you could try dressing a bit more tomboyish. You don't have to stop with just clothes either, perhaps in the privacy of your own home, you could also try other things that are seen as more feminine/masculine.

Even if you are a man who decides that you like being more womanly or vice verser, that doesn't mean you have to get surgery or anything if you don't want to, you could just change how you express yourself. I knew a girl who liked to express herself in a boylike type of way (clothes, hair, etc) and at first, I actually thought she was a boy, but she was talking to us about how she didn't want to get surgery done or anything, she just liked expressing herself like this and she was also gay and she still went by she/her pronouns. I'm sure most people who would have met her would be happy for her too.

It's also possible that you may just identify as more feminine than most men or more masculine than most women which isn't usually the same as being trans.