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Wife of 14yrs has left me

Community Member
My wife of 14 years has decided to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage after she found out i lied about having her login details for her facebook. I feel it has to be more than just this but she isn't telling me the whole truth.
She has said she doesn't give up on her marriage that easily when we have fought and then for her to say that she is done is completely out of the blue. She has gone to the the extreme to tell everyone what i have done and now feel like she is moving on and not telling me anything at all cause she doesnt trust me. Its been 3 days now we are on talking terms still but feel that no matter what i do to get help for my insecurities she will still leave me even though she has known about these issues from when she first met me.i dont know what to do. Im actually scared ive lost her and dunno what else to do. I do have some support people who have said to just leave her be and not message her but it is so hard.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hello there Stewiegriff,

Welcome to these pages. I can fully understand your shock and pain, having experienced a marriage ending many years ago.

I would be surprised if the sole reason for your wife’s departure is the lie you told about not knowing her FB password. I’m sure you regret the lie and I hope you have apologised.

I have no idea on what the outcome for your marriage will be but I can offer you some heartfelt advice. Two pieces of advice.

If you love your wife, offer a sincere apology (if you have not done already).

Allow your wife the space to work through her feelings. If you crowd her, she will become resentful.

I realise this second piece of advice goes against all your instincts to fight for your marriage and resisting the temptation to persuade her to come back will be very difficult. The fact is no matter what you say or do, if your wife has made her mind up that it is over, then I’m afraid you’ll have to move onto the acceptance stage.

As long as your wife knows you love her, and you are willing to rebuild the trust, then you just have to be patient.

Community Member
Hi stewiegriff,
I feel your pain, I went through a separation about a year ago. It was one of the worst things I've ever been through.

I think thats some good advice from Betternow.
If you give your wife, and yourself, a bit of time and space to take stock it might prove to be helpful.

I got so wound up in negative emotions and so desperate to 'make it better' that it led me to say and do things that weren't helpful at the time and I've come to regret later.

Be kind to yourself, hang out with friends or family, eat properly and get plenty of rest.

Take it slow and whatever the outcome you'll probably feel better for it.

I know its tough mate and all the well intentioned advice in the world doesn't seem to help.

You'll be ok
Take care.