Wife had a affair

Robbo87

My wife has had an affair with someone from her work and I have just found out yesterday.

I am gutted we just bought a house together, she say she still loves me and wants to be with me and I think I still love her but how will I ever trust her again how do I know she won’t do it again. We have 2 beautiful kids together should I just forgive her so my kids don’t have a broken family. I am so lost right now and don’t no how to function.

Guest_08344894

I'm so sorry to hear this

I feel like trusting someone who would do something like that must be really hard

I don't have any advice to give you but I suggest speaking to a close friend or family member who is maybe more experienced in these kinds of situations

Things will get better I believe in you and I know you'll get through this

white knight

Hi, welcome

To forgive or not? Its so subjective.

What should be mandatory for your wife is counselling. She should realise the gravity of the situation not just with an apology and move on.

What a counsellor can ask is-

Can she explain why it happened?
What measures are in process now that ensures it wont repeat
Can she put her children first?
What was missing in her marriage that led to this?
Does she accept that the harm has caused mistrust?

If she objects and repeats her apology and says "what else can I do"? She should understand that trusting again requires repeating conversations leading to convincing you to trust her again.

Finally, some people will gaslight in these situations. If she blames you for and part of the reason she had an affair that is unacceptable, sitting down with you saying she's been tempted for this reason or that reason is to allow you and her to address concerns beforehand.

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

Guest_63146717

I personally could never trust again. If you can then you are a bigger person than me. My only advice is dont ever allow her to convince you in any way that you are to blame for her breach of your trust. If she wasnt happy, if you werent up to her expectations, you didnt oay enough attention to her etc, is never an excuae to cheat. I believe, if you are unhappy and its beyound saving, then leave. Cheating is not the answer. The fact she cheated but still says she loves you, and wants to be with you, tells me it was about lust. If she gave into lust once. She will again. Protect yourself. She could have walked away and then met someone. She chose sex with someone else. That isnt love for you. Love = respect. Sorry i just say it like I see it. If you have to fight for someone, they arent worthy of you. She had you. She threw you away for another. That is not a reflection on you. Its a reflection on her