Why should I love myself when it’s clear nobody else does?
If we don’t change our own spare wheel then we can’t proceed driving.
Those of us that experience any form of depression know that, as desperate as we are for live and support, we ourselves have to rise from our beds to return to normality, us, we have to physically get there.
So most of us here can connect with your struggle to find value in others when you don’t seem valued or admired or liked as a potential partner.
What is the answer? It all has to do with determination, motivation and belief...belief? Yes, the well known fact that there is someone for everyone- yes she is out there, you have to find her and to do that you cannot rush that process nor, I believe, that it doesn’t help paying for all the “bells and whistles” of a service. The basics is enough then play the dating game which does require patience and resilience.
So, if you don’t mind me mentioning, motivation, self belief and hope are the ingredients that can determine contentment.
To help you along this path Ieill list below some threads that will help you and help you fell more inclusive too in this community here. Use google
The first one is an ongoing thread that I often contribute to, run by “blondeguy” you will feel welcome
beyondblue do you like yourself your thought are welcome
then these to read- just read the first post of each
beyondblue the best praise you’ll ever get
beyondblue 30 minutes can change your life
beyondblue the frog and the scorpion
Thanks for posting here and being so open and honest
I want to say well done on the great work you've been doing, and don't let these experiences detract from that. I'm a uni student and I've read lots of studies about how social media and dating apps are pretty bad for our self esteem. So please don't base how liked you are or how interesting you are, on either of these platforms. Besides, tinder is incredibly shallow! I can't for the life of me work out how I'm supposed to pick who I might like to have a relationship with based on a snapshot on my screen!
So I'd say - absolutely get yourself out there, and meet people in the real world. It's where real conversations, real vibes, and real connections happen.
Kind thoughts, Katy
I hear your pain. Trust me when I say that I know that Tinder is not a barometer for how valuable you are. Nor is Facebook. Social media is a simulacrum of reality.
Again, from experience, people tend to be more attracted (for long-term relationships and friendships) to people with common interests and kind hearts than they are to a pretty face or big muscles.
Can I unpack your comment a little about "no real matches to speak of"? Does that mean that you matched, but then couldn't start a conversation? If that's the case, I'm more than happy to offer my coaching services. 🙂 Sense of humour gets you much further than good selfies.
It does get better, my friend. But there are also other options. Instead of signing up for gold membership, go to a Zumba class or other dance class. They are always bereft of men. But, you might say, my local class only has women in their mid-fifties? I have found this. Guess what? They have daughters, and work colleagues, and will refer a nice, friendly guy.
Be the best you that you can be, and you will be ready when the right person comes along. Which they certainly will.