Why is it that talking just wares me out , does anyone else get that ? What is it ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi all .

For years l've wondered why l am the way l am and what's wrong with me ? Too much talking just exhausts me , l mean l'd find it easier to go do an extra days work or walk 20k instead of talking past my max, especially with the wrong person. And that usually leaves me with guilt and them scratching their head, and it's getting worse. But l just can't do it..

l was married 20yrs and l've never been a morning person so mornings were literally painful for me because she could be full steam straight out of bed at 7am. She'd have been happy all day long till bed again that night.For me that's my worst nightmare , well , close. Mind you , we'd often talk for hours on end or in bed till 3 or 4 am , sometimes all night. l do like talking and enjoy it, especially with the right person and a natural an ease in talking . Thing is after that l'm done, really , done. l often couldn't even look her way in the mornings fear she'd talk , she'd very often go off to work without a word. l really don't like hardly talking at all untill 10 or 11 , at all ,it's literally hard and if l have l'm usually nervy the rest of the day unless l get a damn good break from talking after that and tbh the rest of the day is fine with me , hell all night too no problem.

To add to it l've spent a lot of time on my own after divorce too about 3yrs , and getting older , 50s , and then involved with someone long distance for a few yrs later so we were only together 3 n 4mths a yr the rest was messaging, skyping , so more or less still on my own. And my gf now is up home in her city 1/2 the time too so l'm still alone a lot of the time and all that has made me even worse.

l mean say l go have a drink with my brother 3 or 4 hours over the wkend or sometime, we talk quite a bit , it's nice , but l damn near need a stretcher later and just can't wait to get home and some hours with no talking, a few days even is fine with me. And l also get snappy or plain if l'm pushed once l'm talked out , but once l am , l just can't talk past it.

Well atm my daughters moved in , just turned 19, and she can talk, 7 to 11, no problem. and at 300k an hr. She's out with friends a lot but if she;s home too long l just have to go hide, go on the pc in my room or something or l'll start getting snappy it;s just too much. l feel terrible and l love time together but as she's gotten older she's almost hypa so l can only do short stints.

l hate being like this but it's worse than ever.

[Heyaaa]

I feel this way too. I wonder why you think it's a bad thing though. Wouldn't it be easier to see it as either:

A. a muscle you could build? If you worked at talking to your daughter for a bit more everyday day, you might increase your capacity (Of course not 7-11 because expecting that would be ridiculous). I only say this, because for around 3 years I spoke to no one but one or two people. And it was always shallow conversation. I believed that was all I could do social interaction-wise... Until I genuinely had to work at it...it was necessary to be able to find a job, and work to be able to talk for a bit at least, you know?

B. It's just the way you are. Embrace it. Your daughter's habits and mannerisms just doesn't mesh as well with yours and that's okay. You're doing your utmost best regardless. You can try spending time doing things that require less communication like watching a movie too on top of the regular time you spend together. That helped me ease into it. In any case, maybe you just need more time to yourself. That's cool.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much for the thoughts.

Yeah l've always needed alone time my whole life. Living alone the last 7yrs at least half the time , l can easily go a wk without talking , so it's made me worse. As l say l do like talking but l max out and that's that . l've actually hot no problem with it , it's being around others and coping that's the problem, like married or now my daughter. l pace myself as much as l can if we're both home say all day all night , which isn't that often. lt's not bad if l'm working , l work from home but outside , so l'll have some time but even than later , if she's too full on l'll need more. Oddly she's always been like me earlier, she'd often get maxed out with friends staying and literally just couldn't go on talking and she'd get narky and snappy if they pushed passed that , which is me all over. l'd often have to explain to her friends no no it's not that she doesn't like you anymore it's just that she needs a break . We use to live together really well because w both needed downtime. Atm though she's actually become quite manic so that's out the window.

My gf is very similar to me though, which is very hard to find and when she's had enough she;s had enough.

Me , l don't really have a problem with me, it's just how l am . But it's the problems it causes and the offending people when l've just had enough that's the problem. And l especially don't want that with me daughter but funnily she use to get it too there was always a real peace with us but now that she's always so wound up , it plagues me with guilt but when l'm done l'm just done yet she doesn;t seem to understand it now these days anymore. So then comes the guilt when l'm past it and getting snappy.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l must admit l did think there might be quite a few people around the forum got this type of thing tbh , being mental health forum. And tbh l was hoping to hear about how they cope with it and a few tips . Funny though really , l always have been the odd one out in so many ways even back to school days .

rx