Why bother

[April61]

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought things would get better. In April my daughter and I got an intervention order as he verbally and physically assulted her. He has been verbally abusing me since this all started. I cannot get my head around how someone can change like he has. I went back to court yesterday to have the intervention order changed. He did not turn up but sent a letter. The judge read his letter but I was not allowed to say what he had done. In the last week we discovered he was accessing my daughters emails and then on Tuesday he wiped he phone. She was using his old iPhone The one thing I have discovered is that our court system sucks. I fully understand why people get murdered. It is just not worth all the effort when he walks away from everything he has done with no consequences I just can't get past this I know I need to get on with my life for my daughters sake but it is so hard I can't stop crying it turns out he had some one else who was supposedly my friend as well I have stopped talking to friends as I just get the feeling they all are sick of hearing about it I am trying to keep my home for my daughters sake but he is making it harder and harder everything he does costs me money my daughter is 16 and is just amazing she is so much stronger than me I hold it together while she is around but during the days she is at school and I can't do anything but cry he walked away and is now living with his best friend as he calls her he thinks we are all stupid and don't know what's going on.

[monkey_magic]

You don't have to hold it all together, and you're letting it out which is healthy. Some ppl just have no consideration. I'm learning some ( I'll call it) strong lessons about ppl too. Been having some ppl problems as well. I'm finding in my situation they've been shifty and two sided and I had a cry today. I've also had a think on things and have had to get my head around things makes you angry doesn't it. I've been angry as I'm sure you have too.

I guess we have to do the best we can with the situation we're in. Sorry to harp on about myself. I'm sad today after a shocking day & outcome.

Can your daughter get braces later on in a few years?

Im sure it will take some time for you to feel better about the situation. I hope you have some good supports around you at this time.

All the best.

[monkey_magic]

Sorry misread about the braces.

I'm sure she'll understand and forgive you. Hope so anyway. 🙂

[April61]

Sorry to heat you are not having a good time. It's now 1.30am and I can't sleep again. I have stopped talking to those around me. I can tell by the sound in their voices they don't want to hear about it. I can't get angry. I wish I could. I am just so broken inside I don't feel anything. Most of the time I just feel numb. My biggest problem is I still love him Every one thinks I am crazy but I can't turned those feelings off I was told I could not have children so getting pregnant and having my daughter was a gift I thought I would never have. He gave me that and I will always love him for that

how can people change so dramatically I want to know what happened to the kind generous fun loving person I fell in love with when I asked him that he just said he changed

I just don't understand how he could do what he has done his only daughter His mum told me he still cares about her why would she not say he loves her

i am beginning to wonder if he every really wanted her His life now is all about parties and getting drunk he is acting like an 18 year old instead of 45

[monkey_magic]

U r right, ppl change, I've experienced that, seen it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears. It is what you said, just heartbreaking. Ur ex could be on his own rollercoaster of emotions. Sorry you've experienced this. I know the feeling " numb" comes before ' pain'.....I still have some of that myself.

I also feel really good a lot of the time. I think it's important to saviour those feelings as well if u can find them. Def do what makes u feel better as well.

Exercise is my saviour & working on my business, I sell clothes ATM.

Men are jerks ( not all of you). I'd b heartbroken and numb as well as you were together for a long time. So it will take a long time to get over things

All I can hope is that he calms down, changes his ways.

My ex did & had more respect for me, then....back to his old ways. I put boundaries up and don't speak to him now, I refuse to be degraded.

But yeah two very different situations.

Hugs to and for you oooooo

[April61]

I have not slept at all. I found photos of the two of them together with his family and out together. I thought I would be able to handle it because deep down I really knew they were together. But I am not dealing with this at all well. I feel sick and my head is throbbing. The worst part was one of them was when they were still telling everyone they were just friends. Will the lies ever stop. I don't know what to tell my daughter. I do not want to lie to her but I don't want to upset her either.

Now I know they are together it makes what he has done even worse he has his new life with her but is still doing things to upset us why? I will never understand How does he and his family justify al the lies

[April61]

Well here I am back again. It's 4.32 am and I am so stressed I cannot sleep. A lot has happened since I last posted. In October last year my daughter told me her dad had been hitting her while I was at work. I was devesated how could I not have known. He has continued to do things to her he changed her passwords as his email was the default one if she forgot hers. He wiped her iPhone so she had no phone. I have organised counselling for her as she was talking about suicide and self harm. He continues to lie to all our family and friends. The thing that scares me the most is that he believes he has done nothing wrong. I went to court and even though I had letters from her counsellors that said she did not want to see him. The judge would not extend the intervention order as he had not done anything physical in the last 12 months. I feel I have let her down I can no longer keep her safe from him we will go back to living like we live in a jail padlocked gates and locked doors. Life was getting so much better we were both back doing things we loved and now we live with the worry of when is he going to turn up and do something.