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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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101 Mum with mental illness
  • replies: 2

My mum has series mental problems that she won't agree too. She has once been in mental hospital & they told her she had bio polar, anxiety, depression. She is loosing the plot she blames & threatens my family, she lost her license & recently drank d... View more

My mum has series mental problems that she won't agree too. She has once been in mental hospital & they told her she had bio polar, anxiety, depression. She is loosing the plot she blames & threatens my family, she lost her license & recently drank drove & crashed her car. She has trashed our home she won't leave us alone: I need to get her help but the cops think she is fine but she isn't ! I have video footage of what she says to us. What can I do she needs to go back to a mental hospital but she won't admit herself

Mrslayla Difficulty moving forward
  • replies: 3

Hi, I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am strugg... View more

Hi, I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am struggling with it. The trust is of course gone and I'm left constantly feeling like I'm not good enough and wondering how he could do that to me if he loves me? Add to that my other son has been diagnosed with autism and I have found that very hard to constantly hear negative things said about him from all the specialists he is seeing. Roght now I feel like I'm not coping, crying all the time (when no one is around) and just wanting to run away. I feel so much guilt saying that because I am a mother and I love my children but I feel as if I'm not enough for anyone and just not doing anything well.

Guest_829 letting other people be
  • replies: 4

recently ive started respecting peoples right to be an individual whatever that means to them.and i've been telling myself for a while to resist judging them based on their looks and dont even start thinking in that kind of way.i try not to make assu... View more

recently ive started respecting peoples right to be an individual whatever that means to them.and i've been telling myself for a while to resist judging them based on their looks and dont even start thinking in that kind of way.i try not to make assumptions or huge generalisations because you cant really tell too much about anyone based on what you see in front of you. so im going to let people be as wrong as they want to be and im going to be more respectful of peoples rights to live their life their way.i'm going to stand back and let them make mistakes,speak their minds,talk about all kinds of things and be as loud as they want and im going to stand back and let them go..i've lived long enough and been around enough to know were all differant and brilliant and flawed and im not going to make anyone feel bad for doing the things that make them happy.im stepping back and letting go

Irish_Lady Cheating
  • replies: 4

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so ... View more

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so between the tiredness, stress and been overwhelmed with having my first son and then feeling pregnant for a second time so soon after my first I haven't wAnted to have sex and now half of me feels like it's my fault and the other half is like no I didn't do anything wrong. What do I do now?

Mephistopheles Guilt and reconciliation
  • replies: 4

I have been told that my chronic depression and anxiety has made me act entirely selfish in relationships or my behavior is construed as selfish. And that I blame my illness for my shortcomings. I never did anything destructive or severe although Im ... View more

I have been told that my chronic depression and anxiety has made me act entirely selfish in relationships or my behavior is construed as selfish. And that I blame my illness for my shortcomings. I never did anything destructive or severe although Im often on the receiving end of verbal abuse in the instances that come to mind. Selfishness as being dependant upon someone financially. As well as being emotionally neglectful and introverted with my partner. I go into a survival mode either out of habit or to attain respite. This has got me questioning my own ethics. I had feedback from one such ex and I had a breakdown as a result accompanied by overwhelming guilt and selfloathing. Im not a narcissist nor do I wish to inflict any injustice on others but I fear that I might be what I detest.

Deyana At a dead end
  • replies: 6

I asked my husband to seek medication for his increasingly extreme mood swings as he was causing unacceptable emotional damage to me and our two young children and I believe his behaviour was being exacerbated by his heavy drinking and unresolved chi... View more

I asked my husband to seek medication for his increasingly extreme mood swings as he was causing unacceptable emotional damage to me and our two young children and I believe his behaviour was being exacerbated by his heavy drinking and unresolved childhood trauma. The medication has stabilised his moods a little at the heavy expense of him becoming an unfeeling monster. I rarely cry as I am always acting out in defence, but I did break down in tears one day in sheer frustration under one of his emotional attacks and he told me to kill myself. This is just one horrible ugly incident among many and he doesn't even feel any remorse or apologise. I cannot reach him on any any level. He will not accept any communication or connection from me. His decent human self is dissolving before my very eyes. And I heavily mourn the loss of the person he once was. He has lost all awareness of how poorly he is behaving and any feeling/ concern for others. He despises being in our home and in our company, constantly finds fault with us, resents us and we are always walking on eggshells. For the first time ever, I hear him saying I have put him through hell in the past decade and that I am the one that has mental health issues. This is a completely new revelation from him that I have never heard before and it is completely absurd! I only want him to be free of the darkness that has engulfed him so that we can be a happy family. This is all I wish for. I recently sought a few sessions of counselling for the first time in my life because I am at a loss and do not know how to deal with his poor mental health. He continues to drink regularly on this medication. He will not allow me to provide feedback and attend appointments with him. I would like to see him change his medication, but he disagrees. He believes this current medication is a success as it has changed who he is. He feels good/strong because it has numbed any real perception/awareness and all feeling. My husband reluctantly turned to medication a short while ago because he loved/cared about his family and now he is on medication and is happy to throw us all away. How is this a good outcome? I really didn't think our situation could get any worse and I have tragically come to the point of giving up on him and any hope of our family surviving this. Our home is truly breaking and will not survive this course of treatment the psyciatrist has prescribed. I am devastated.

Gelatobear Keep making the same mistakes
  • replies: 4

I left a long term partner of 10 years 8 months ago. For the last 6 years there was no intimacy, no sex, we were essentially just close friends. 10 months ago I sort help from a therapist and medication to help with anxiety after a breakdown with a c... View more

I left a long term partner of 10 years 8 months ago. For the last 6 years there was no intimacy, no sex, we were essentially just close friends. 10 months ago I sort help from a therapist and medication to help with anxiety after a breakdown with a colloeague at work, and this started me thinking about the issues in my relationship. Once I made the decision to split up and move out on my own, I have felt incredibly lonely, as we no longer have the friendship. This is especially hard when my fiends and family are in another state. I have turned to online dating, but this has been an endless round of having my heart broken. After having had no intimacy for so long, I sleep with someone far too soon, and have them skip out / ghost me. Im just so over feeling used, judged and disposed of, and alone, but I never learn.

Loulou28 I'm not sure how to proceed with our friendship
  • replies: 7

Ok, I have a friend we have been friends for 10 years and I'd like to think we were close. We've travelled overseas heaps together and we came to recognize when each other needed space. my friend has always been a bit socially awkward and moody and c... View more

Ok, I have a friend we have been friends for 10 years and I'd like to think we were close. We've travelled overseas heaps together and we came to recognize when each other needed space. my friend has always been a bit socially awkward and moody and could always be a bit harsh with her words and comments. However, in the last year it has become increasingly more moody, negative and mean. Last year when I my new partner and I decided to meet each others friends my friend was savage sitting down and listing all my faults like gunfire I just got up and left. I have talked to her about this and she has just blamed it on her unhappiness with her job. I suggested maybe it's time for a change? This I know now was not helpful. She has recently be avoiding me (we are currently living 50metres from each other at work) it's short term and I will be leaving soon. I also know I should probably take a hint (but we have been friends for 10yrs) short story long. She recently texted me she is "better off to have no friends, so ppl can't see the true horrible self" I see this as a need for help. I've tried to talk to her but I have been shut down and blown off. Before I leave I plan to leave some beyond blue depression/anxiety brochures and a counselors number in the area. My questions are: is there anything else I can do or avoid doing? I will be distancing myself from her, not cause I don't love her but her behaviour. Thank you for any thoughts or advice.

mylittleprofile My partner wants sex all the time and I have lost interest
  • replies: 2

So here goes... my partner is always hinting sex to me and I seem to get really annoyed and make excuses - "we haven't had sex for ages can we do it later?".... many more that he brings up with me. Since having our baby girl, she's 17months I'm just ... View more

So here goes... my partner is always hinting sex to me and I seem to get really annoyed and make excuses - "we haven't had sex for ages can we do it later?".... many more that he brings up with me. Since having our baby girl, she's 17months I'm just going to say to straight out... I can't be bothered having sex. I know it sounds to selfish but I really can't. Yes I've put on some weight since having her and emotionally I get depressed a lot. But dealing with the stresses of life and looking after our daughter the last thing I want is sex. I've tried to google things like "why don't I want sex anymore?" Or looking at it from my partners side "why doesn't my wife want me sexually?" We've been together for almost 7 years, engaged, and went through Ivf for our baby girl. Is there something wrong with me? Is it normal to go through a lull like this at this point in our relationship? There is a lot more to our situation that would take me a day to write down but this is something that is really playing a big part. He keeps saying that sex is important to him in a relationship. It is to me too... any comments to help me through this or help him understand or anything?!?!? Will be appreciated I read a comment on a thread this morning with a quote "men need sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex".

rhinoceros A lack of understanding
  • replies: 4

Hi all - I am not sure what I'm doing or even what I am talking about right now, but here goes. I put up a thread a few months back about some of my issues - the short summary of that I have experienced pretty much every sexual issue a male can exper... View more

Hi all - I am not sure what I'm doing or even what I am talking about right now, but here goes. I put up a thread a few months back about some of my issues - the short summary of that I have experienced pretty much every sexual issue a male can experience. It's been a result of many things- medication, weaning off medication, lack of confidence, feeling depressed/anxious, all of which get exacerbated by each other. It's made life pretty rough and but until recently I had a feeling of optimism that things could get better. I have been making lots of positive changes to try and improve my confidence and re frame my negative feelings towards intimacy that were created by repeated painful experiences. I truly felt like I was making some sort of progress. Our relationship otherwise has been really good - we are talking about getting engaged etc. We love each other despite the problems I have had. We want to get married etc. still. I feel like she is 'the one' as corny as that sounds. Furthermore, she still says that I'm a wonderful boyfriend. She has made it clear to me that she isn't interested in sex with me . Other forms of intimacy are ok- but not that- too many bad experiences. I understand this and I don't think it comes as any surprise. There's only so much disappointment one can handle. Although deep down I knew this was probably the case - hearing it put so plainly really hurts. I'm still hurting now and I'm not sure anymore how I should feel/act towards her. My partner has some challenging views about things such as depression and anxiety. She acknowledges that these are things that all people experience at some point in time, but can't recognise the more serious forms of it. I spent the other night in tears; and was screamed at for 'not dealing with things like a normal person' for instance. I am doing the best I possibly can to cope and put on a brave face but it's not good enough. I was vulnerable and down already, it just made things worse. This has happened on a number of instances about a number of issues; I'm expected to 'man up' and deal with it. Honestly, I wish it was that easy. Now that I've actually wrote this down I realise things aren't so bad in the scheme of things- if anything I just feel so tired of trying to mask the way I feel and act like everything is fine. There's only so long one can do that before you have some sort of a meltdown.