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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ynwawanm Taking a break-- struggling to stay positive
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eatin... View more

Hi all, I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eating well, after several weeks of a pretty bad pattern on both. Having said that, I still do find myself struggling a bit at times. Basically, my gf of two and a half years and I have been on a break for about five weeks now. We had our own problems which had started about four months ago, pretty much stemming from not being able to find a rental property together- living an hour apart was an issue. I won't lie- I had gotten pretty complacent with things by that point, as had she. We addressed this, and decided we would try to work on making things better for ourselves. Eventually, she found place of her own, and while I wasn't moving in like I had hoped to, I'd been staying there. However her work schedule made things tough- two jobs (a FT and PT) across all seven days; this being so she could afford the rent. Stress and depression kicked in for her, big time. Seeing the bright, bubbly girl I fell in love with dissipate affected me greatly as well. I was barely sleeping and eating; the same went for her. After an issue with her housemate one morning, she stayed with me for three days. In that time, we realised things were not going to improve between us if there was no time to do it. I asked her if she needed a break to work on our own things, which we went with. We've caught up a couple of times since; at first, she told me she was miserable, not optimistic about anything in life, let alone our future. Since then, she has seemed more upbeat- I learnt that is because she had decided she would quit her retail job, getting her nights and weekends back and we could start giving us a go again. As we spoke tonight, I could tell that she had fallen back into that hole; it turns out she's going to have to stick to the two jobs for the unforeseeable future (talking months at least), as her office job may be in jeopardy. I guess I'm not sure what to do from here. That being as I do not want her to be miserable, nor I. I love this woman, and the break has really hurt- but, I want to take it for the better. But I don't know if I am chasing something that can't be, anymore. I've never taken a break before- only flat out broken up with previous partners- and I'm struggling with this, silly as it sounds. Thank you.

Btahana Breakup pain
  • replies: 3

My ex and I split a few months ago and we just got on good terms, but everyone's left me and now my best friend is trying to get with him and all she does is post it everywhere and send me messages bullying me saying I was never good enough... was it... View more

My ex and I split a few months ago and we just got on good terms, but everyone's left me and now my best friend is trying to get with him and all she does is post it everywhere and send me messages bullying me saying I was never good enough... was it all my fault?? I've lost everyone and now I'm on my own after everyone told me to leave him because he wasn't good for me, he used to hurt me and cheat and everything that is wrong. But as soon as I left everyone became friends with him and now I feel like giving up is the only answer... I don't understand what I did to deserve this... all I ever did was try. Feels like the end of the world when your best friend tells you to disappear because you weren't good enough for them and then proceeds to begin harassing me and making me feel like there's no point in being here anymore

pandaroll Boyfriend of 3 years struggling
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend was assaulted when he was quite young and has experienced depression ever since. On occasion i have seen him upset about it (mainly when he's drinking) but he really always seemed quite well put together and as someone who has never had ... View more

My boyfriend was assaulted when he was quite young and has experienced depression ever since. On occasion i have seen him upset about it (mainly when he's drinking) but he really always seemed quite well put together and as someone who has never had any challenges thrown at me in life i've not known how to look for warning signs etc. The last 3 years i have not seen a lot of issues as a result of this. in the last 3-4 months he has become extremely reserved, wont leave his house very often, cancels on plans with both myself and his friends and wont let me help him when he's down. He sees a psychiatrist/psychologist (to be honest i don't know the difference) and has recently, about 3 weeks ago begun to take anti-depressants again for the first time since he was 16 (now 21). It has become so hard for me, especially when he refuses to see me and we have now taken it to a stage where we are taking a break to give him some time to work on himself. However, I am not really ok with this and don't know what I should do because he really brings me down with him and I am now finding it hard to be happy myself, as i am always worried about him and his well-being, especially when he chooses to see his friends but will ignore me offering to be with him. I have been crying at work out of stress and it really can't go on anymore. He has not self-harmed for many years now but that is how i feel it will head if nothing changes. i really don't want this to end but at the moment it feels like my only option and I just need assistance on how to understand him/help him through his problems without seeming to controlling or clingy. Thanks, and hopefully this all makes sense..

far_west At the Cross Roads
  • replies: 8

My partner and I had been seeing each other for nearly 2 years, The sticking point is, I still own a house with my former partner, which I made an agreement when I left I would finish renovations that were not yet finished, and continue paying the mo... View more

My partner and I had been seeing each other for nearly 2 years, The sticking point is, I still own a house with my former partner, which I made an agreement when I left I would finish renovations that were not yet finished, and continue paying the mortgage till they were complete. My two young adult children 18 & 23yrs still live in the house with their mother. At first my new partner didn’t say anything, but once I moved closer to her and she moved in, she laid out her set of rules, started demanding that the only contact with my Ex was to be via email, no phone calls, no texting, no face to face meetings, no returning to the house. She had also stopped me from returning to the same city to work a casual job that was worth $15k in addition to my regular permanent job. The issue for me was, I now lived some 3 hours drive out of the city where my Kids and Ex still live, but I still work in the same city but as a shift worker. My Son works Monday to Friday and my daughter attends Uni 3 days a week. If I’m lucky I would see my kids once every 2 months when my shifts aligned up with a weekend. The back breaker for me was 3 weeks ago, my casual job, which I had not worked since December last year called and asked if I could do 2 days work, this followed with a request to work another 3 days in addition to those two days which being financially stressed I said yes too. In just over 7 days I had worked 5 additional casual work days earning myself up to $2600. My question is: have I been unreasonable wanting to keep a good open relationship with my Ex partner of 28 years for the good of my kids, or should I had followed my new partners rules to the ‘T’, and stopped fixing the house up and stopped visiting my kids where they were most comfortable . . .in their home which they share with their mother? Should I had bowed to her demands to forgo the much needed work and income, to satisfy her anxieties about me going back to the city to work my casual job? I feel I have done nothing wrong, have tried my best to see her side of the story, but to myself keeping a friendship with my Ex for the sake of my kids is what my parent did and something I don't see as being a bad thing. Am I wrong? am I missing something?

LonelyMama So utterly alone
  • replies: 5

Im so completely alone. I'm a sole parent to beautiful children that are my life, but everyone has abandoned us and act like they completely hate us. i honestly don't know what I've ever done to make people hate me so much - but it's been my entire l... View more

Im so completely alone. I'm a sole parent to beautiful children that are my life, but everyone has abandoned us and act like they completely hate us. i honestly don't know what I've ever done to make people hate me so much - but it's been my entire life. My family all get along and I'm the youngest but they won't talk to me and have always acted as though they hate me. They've been cruel. I've been made to believe that I always deserved abuse, even when my ex beat me and put me in hospital, the Courts and everyone seemed to side with him because he's a lawyer and I guess I'm just worthless. I even get blamed for him not being therefor his child, not because I keep him from them, but because they're my children which makes it ok for him to despise them too. I feel like we support so much, I'm alone working so hard for my children - and I really need some support and people I can lean on, but I have no one. I'm so shattered. I'm so scared of what would happen to my kids if something happened to me. I am so scared because I have nobody I can rely on. I am the youngest in my family, and now they all get along after years of conflict between my older siblings - I guess they have all reunited and bond over how much they hate me. I truly don't know what I've done that makes them all hate me so much.

Waterfalls Call to ex. Dumb and dumber
  • replies: 3

Hi all I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me and have done something that defies logic and feel like a total tool.. I asked my ex for a phonecall, its pretty much the anniversary of our breakup - the most toxic I've ever experienced. Was a... View more

Hi all I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me and have done something that defies logic and feel like a total tool.. I asked my ex for a phonecall, its pretty much the anniversary of our breakup - the most toxic I've ever experienced. Was all my fault the relationship died. She did everything she could to help me, even visting me in hospital for this illness. Ultimately it became too much, and then things became really toxic. I didn't give her back what she needed in the relationship. All this time I've missed her, and beaten myself up over it. I decided it would be her if I kept myself away from hey allowing her to move on and find happiness - not be crippled by my presence. However, at the weekend i get a text from her saying she was in my area seeing a friend in her new place, pretty much next door. So I go and break the logic I was supposed to be following and text back saying it would be nice to chat over the phone. The response has triggered alot of anxiety and I'm now thinking of backing out of it out of fear for my mental health. However I already know what will happen if i dont do it. Lots of self talk about being a coward etc. The response was that she is in a really good place, happy to chat but has no desire to revisit the toxic period we had together or any of the hurtful things that were spoken to each other. My translation to that is 'ill talk to you out of politeness, but take the hint, i don't want you in my life right now'. Totally understandable. Also totally understandable that she has raised her shields about me wanting a verbal. Really I had no intention of using her for a rumination session anyway. But then i questioned myself on *what* I'm actually after, to be clear on my own motives. The answer is simple, no family in this country that can help me, hardly any friends left i can talk to, some bad experiences with doctors - just feeling very alone and missing her dearly. I'm forcing myself to accept the fact there is no chance. But now there is a time set she will be expecting me to call. I'm totally freaking out about it now. I think that if i do go though with this that i just make it very simple, dont revisit anything negative, express my gratitude for being part of her life, and stress I'm not asking for ANYTHING else other than a friendly hello Don't even know what I'm asking of you guys here... created yet another self imposed nightmare. And yes I've sought 'professional' help

TinyDancer2017 How do you cope?
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out. I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be close... View more

Hi everyone, First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out. I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be closer to him. Once I had (irreversibly) given up these things, he called me and said he had changed his mind and didn't feel like he loved me enough to uproot our lives like this. I was absolutely crushed. Even worse, I had to manage the heartbreak while looking for a new job/place to live. This happened a year ago, and I still haven't managed to shake the crippling loneliness that this series of events triggered. My self-esteem is pretty low a lot of the time, and I can't trust my own judgment (how can I trust myself if I believed that he loved me?) I don't, even for an instant, want to be back with him. But I struggle with feelings of how my life got totally derailed, whereas he - who pulled the plug so suddenly, after I had made these irreversible changes - didn't have to go through any of this upheaval. Even worse, I have panic attacks because I feel like I've wasted my 20s on someone who ultimately didn't care about me... all my friends are married now with children, and at 29 I feel I've lost any chance of this ever happening for me. Thanks for reading. I'm now 29 and I have immense panic attacks about having wasted my twenties on someone who doesn't care about me, and

Kittyang 27 year old estranged sister
  • replies: 2

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and co... View more

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and constantly lying about relationships and friends as well as taking alcohol. Although she has supposedly sought help she won't let anyone in on her mental issues. She constantly attracts bad partner who physically abuse her. Recently she has estranged herself by the most unusual way of lashing out at our mother and taking out an ADVO against her. I personally do not feel her absence as she was always draining to talk to and I don't live with her. I just worry that she will end up in a worse state and it's a shame that there is very little that can be done. She seems to have this 'I'm an adult, treat me like one' facade but then she has made poor financial decisions which the folks bail her out of. Because of patient privacy and laws I cannot help her. In actual fact I refuse to help her. I feel betrayed that she allowed herself to fall down this spiral. Especially of alcohol misuse. I honestly see her as a big lie. Its like she has no respect for her own self let alone family. The real world will be a harsh reminder of her easy life at home. I just wished she would get help with whatever mental issues she has so she doesn't destroy anyone else's life. Is that so hard to get from an estranged adult?

Weightofshame Trying to find an answer to me behaviour
  • replies: 4

Hi, im not sure where to begin but where I can get help. i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder. i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it... View more

Hi, im not sure where to begin but where I can get help. i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder. i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it is now at the point of destroying the life I have and also the woman I love, my wife. porn doesn't help either, because I find and like pictures, images, videos that look like my wife. ive assaulted my wife while she sleeps, and got caught. All the trust is gone cause I broke it by my actions. i truely love her, but this has pushed her too far. we went without sex for nearly 2 years after we got married and it drove me insane, but I did not cheat or seek it elsewhere. my problem is, that I have no self control and she deserves better from me. i don't know what to do next... I need help!! I love her more than anything in this world.

Kid_in_denial Better off alone???
  • replies: 12

Hi. I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky ... View more

Hi. I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky relationship with my mother and when I decided to tell her about my diagnosis she told me she does not believe in mental health. She does not believe in therapy. She is ...... old and has been around longer to know more about me and about life. Then she hada weird scream and cry and left my house like it was her struggle. I have always know she has poor insight with MH. I should have been diagnosed in my teens. She wouldn't have read the signs. I told her I need to cut her from my life as her opinion is not at all helpful and she cannot keep it to herself. I am mid 30s and she still comes to my house and treats me like a teenager. I have my own kids. I don't know if this was necessarily the first option but she won't come around and I think it is damaging for me. Now my partner and I are at war as he refused to read up about it and it was insulting. He cannot see where I am coming from, just calls me self centred. I am the last person in my house who is thought about. I have actually become agoraphobic due to my poor self image and ability to cope with emotionally heightened situations. Any suggestions? S