Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SNDGRDNqueenie How to respond to my Ignorant Brother?
  • replies: 5

Ive suffered panic disorder, anxiety & PTSD since my hubby passed 6yrs ago. After having what began as a normal conversation about helping my mum prepare for selling her house, my brother turned on me. Started about money and I said im sorry i cant h... View more

Ive suffered panic disorder, anxiety & PTSD since my hubby passed 6yrs ago. After having what began as a normal conversation about helping my mum prepare for selling her house, my brother turned on me. Started about money and I said im sorry i cant help her more but i work minimal hours for my health. His response was "Dont even get me started on your phantom health issues ffs, shit happens, it sucks sometimes, move on. No time for that. Move back to earth" Obviously he was already frustrated but i got so upset that my own brother referred to my mental health like that and ceased the conversation (after saying he was ignorant)

Mercy120 My mother is an absolute hypocrite.
  • replies: 4

This weekend I was planning to go somewhere with my friends. I don't get out much because I like to stay in my safe bubble. I'm really shy around people. I have absolutely no confidence and low self esteem. I don't like myself. Basically at the momen... View more

This weekend I was planning to go somewhere with my friends. I don't get out much because I like to stay in my safe bubble. I'm really shy around people. I have absolutely no confidence and low self esteem. I don't like myself. Basically at the moment I've been starting to feel a bit happy. Like I feel like slowly, but surely, I'm coming out of this dark hole I'm in. I've been going outside and running to lose weight, and it's felt great!:) Just one problem though. I have my hypocritical mother weighing me down. As I said at the start, I'm going out with my friends. I'm going to dye my hair purple, or something. To give me a boost of confidence. See, we haven't had much money for a while, due to some ridiculous things that my mother did, but I won't get into that. Anyway we used to be in a Luke comfortable zone. We had just the right amount if money really. But oh god. She keeps spending money on herself. LIKE ALL THE TIME. And by money I mean 50-200 per item of clothing or ridiculous things that are just junk and she doesn't even use. She bought freakin 130 dollar pair of slippers and a 200 dollar jacket for crying out loud. We've gone broke 6 times now. Today she told me these exact words "don't blame me if we broke from going in to town, it'll be your fault not mine" she was getting really defensive and trying to put the blame on me. Then I found out she had bought a 100 dollar scarf. We don't have a lot of money left either. I was going to buy a few nice things this weekend.. not sure if I even can now She legit tried to put the blame on me so she doesnt seem like the bad guy. She always acts like she's right. When I try to explain what she's doing she gets very very defensive about it. She can never admit that she's wrong. She always acts like the victim. Whenever we fight, I always have to be the one to apologise because verythijg is always my fault. She doesn't listen to me either. I will tell her something and it just flies right past her. But then sheblames it all on me. Like I can admit when I do something wrong. But she she won't. And I'm so sick of it. She likes to tell me I'm fat too. I'm tried to calmly sit down and talk to her about it. But she literally keeps laughing like everything's a joke and then walks away. Literally whenever I try to be serious SHE LAUGHS. She complains about how I'm ungrateful and don't help around the house. It's because she drains my energy. no one will read this but I feel better:) Thanks

askignquestions How to deal with the loneliness?
  • replies: 1

How do you deal with the loneliness? I'm away from home- like countries away. And it all hit me today that my partner hasn't responded to an email in a month, and my friends reply once a month or two, no matter if I email once a month or once a week.... View more

How do you deal with the loneliness? I'm away from home- like countries away. And it all hit me today that my partner hasn't responded to an email in a month, and my friends reply once a month or two, no matter if I email once a month or once a week. And I have no friends here at work. I was almost crying at my desk at work today, my office mate looked at me, asked a work question and turned back around. I have no friends. I have no support other than a doctor. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. And its the weekend, and I hate weekends. My flatmates get together and don't invite me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know whats wrong with me. But I can't handle it anymore. I don't know what to do.

Absurd_Situation Absurd Situation
  • replies: 16

So... I'm not sure what I'm expecting to find here, help hopefully, but I'm a little bit dubious, maybe I just want someone to hear my story. It's all really long and complicated, I think, maybe everyone goes through absurd situations like this... Th... View more

So... I'm not sure what I'm expecting to find here, help hopefully, but I'm a little bit dubious, maybe I just want someone to hear my story. It's all really long and complicated, I think, maybe everyone goes through absurd situations like this... The crux of it all is that I just got married about 4 months ago, it was literally the happiest day of my life, I'm generally not one for putting too much significance on the actual wedding day but everything just went perfectly and it was an unbelievable day (which is saying a lot because fun and happiness is generally my main focus in my life) About a month ago I found out that my wife started an affair 4 weeks before we got married. He dumped her after our wedding because he found out she was married. She then started another relationship which turned abusive against her (nothing too bad, just enough to scare her). During this period of her second affair, she turned to the guy from her first affair for support. Prior to our wedding (about 4 months ago) we had been together about 9 years and I do truly believe she had been faithful for all those years. She had moved away for work during this period, the plan was to live separately for about 12 months (but see each other on average once a month for a long weekend or something). We had been apart maybe 2 weeks prior to this all starting. As I said, I'm not sure what I'm looking for, support maybe.

Becky087 My Husband Has Cheated and We Are Divorcing
  • replies: 8

Almost two weeks ago, I kicked my husband out after discovering he was cheating. The thing is, this is not the first time he has cheated. It's actually the fourth time over the course of our 7 year relationship. We've been together since I was 16, I'... View more

Almost two weeks ago, I kicked my husband out after discovering he was cheating. The thing is, this is not the first time he has cheated. It's actually the fourth time over the course of our 7 year relationship. We've been together since I was 16, I'm now 23. We got engaged at 19 and married at 21. Now we're separated just 18 months after our wedding and will be divorced in a year. Why did I stay with him when he cheated so many times? It's kind of a long story. The first time I heard about it through one of his friends and all he had was messages online to some girl I didn't know that were public (not private messages). When I confronted him about it, he said she was a friend who was being harrassed by a guy and Daniel (my husband, boyfriend at the time) was trying to make it look like he was her boyfriend to get this guy to leave her alone. Thing is, I didn't know this girl and he had never mentioned her. I broke up with him, not believing his story. But eventually decided to forgive him. Fast forward two years, another of his friends texts me to say Daniel has slept with his girlfriend and sends me texts between Daniel and the girlfriend in question. I couldn't verify the integrity of the texts and couldn't believe Daniel would cheat on me with her as she was fat, ugly and unlikable. So, stupidly, I ignored the claims despite his previous offense (the integrity of which I couldn't confirm either). We got engaged the following year. Next two and a half years prior to our wedding go off without a hitch, then 6 months after we're married, I discover he slept with our roommate, my best friend, before we were married. The best friend in question had since been kicked out of our house and we were not on speaking terms due to an incident following our wedding. I discovered he'd been messaging her since and the messages were indicative of an affair to which he admitted when I confronted him. I moved out for a few days, but decided to give him another chance. Had I discovered the affair before our wedding, it would have been over then and there, but once we were married (and only for 6 months), we couldn't just throw it in. This latest incident two weeks ago was the last straw. I gave him his last chance, and he violated my trust again, so it's over now. The reason I'm writing this is because I am NOT coping. I am kicking myself for ever marrying him, I am angry and full of regret. I feel stupid, foolish and like I've wasted my life and my youth on him.

Guest6093 Anger Ruining Relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm unsure where to go from here. My wife is my first relationship (I started late in life) and we have a nearly one year old. I feel I am getting angry with both of them as I feel like I am struggling to support financially. I try to he... View more

Hi everyone, I'm unsure where to go from here. My wife is my first relationship (I started late in life) and we have a nearly one year old. I feel I am getting angry with both of them as I feel like I am struggling to support financially. I try to help clean and keep things tidy but that they both make a mess and it doesn't worry them living like that. My wife has stopped being intimate with me as she doesn't feel satisfied in that department. I am the romantic one in the relationship and have had enough of trying this. She rarely does anything romantic for me and I'm too tired to keep the act up. What's frustrating is I am getting angry about everything, every comment, every detail, everything. It doesn't matter what it is, I am getting grumpy and angry about it. I don't know why. I have tried some spiritual methods and would like to know if anyone has suggestions on how to stop my brain from going in this dirsction? Does anyone know of any support groups that perhaps don't cost much? My wife thinks I am struggling supporting cause I have never had to. We live in not great accomodation but I like things to be clean and it doesn't bother her being unclean. How can we compromise? Hope you can help in some way. All your words of wisdom are welcome.

azreal75 Fifo family
  • replies: 11

My wife is now a fifo worker. She is 2 weeks away 1 week home and as much as she tries to talk to us at home (myself and the 2 kids) she's often tired or in a rush. She's nearly at the end of her second swing and it is wearing me down already. I've s... View more

My wife is now a fifo worker. She is 2 weeks away 1 week home and as much as she tries to talk to us at home (myself and the 2 kids) she's often tired or in a rush. She's nearly at the end of her second swing and it is wearing me down already. I've seen her for 6 and a half days in the last 5 weeks and most of those days I was at work; I'm a teacher. I'm exhausted after work and then I'm basically a single parent and we keep the kids pretty busy with their sport and music lessons several days a week and on the weekends. So my school week is super busy. But it is so lonely. Then there's all the house work, cooking, ironing, homework etc to do each day. I wasn't prepared for how draining this would all be and if I had thought it through I would have actively encouraged her not to take the job. However, this is it for now, the job, the lifestyle is here to stay for the foreseeable future. But I'm not coping. I can't sleep in my own bed, it feels empty without her. I don't sleep well. I can't stop thinking about her. I am getting emotional and I have had several nights where I cry myself to sleep. I'm moody. I really have to watch myself around the kids so I don't yell at them for doing trivial naughty things. So far it hasn't impacted on my work. But everyone else is doing fine. My wife thinks her job is ok but her workmates are good fun, she's made some good friends. It's long hours but they have good facilities and she's doing lots of social stuff and sport classes...and the food is good. My kids are doing well, they seemed to have handled the extra responsibility they now have with ease. Haven't had a single time when one of them has been upset about their mum being away. But I'm hating every minute of it. The moodiness, the distraction, the sadness, the loneliness and feeling of hopelessness. So what do I do? I don't have family support in the area and very few friends. None of which I can talk to about this on anything but a very superficial level. I don't really know what to do. So I guess that's what this thread is about. What can I do to make things better, to be able to cope better with a new lifestyle that I just hate so much.

brighterside Concerned about my bf & dont know how to help
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I am 99.96% certain that my partner is suffering from a medium-severe level of depression. I'm very concerned and don't know how to support and help. I feel like I'm crowding him and annoying him by trying to be supportive and loving. He's ... View more

Hi there, I am 99.96% certain that my partner is suffering from a medium-severe level of depression. I'm very concerned and don't know how to support and help. I feel like I'm crowding him and annoying him by trying to be supportive and loving. He's go-to coping mechanism is withdrawal, avoidance and silence and it's very difficult to not take it personally (hello, anxiety!!) - on that, I've actually blown up a few times at him from feeling overwhelmed with the disinterested behaviour, but I guess that's somewhat understandable given the circumstances and we always kiss and make up. I'd love to be able to get him interested in going for walks together and just basically helping him find some zest for life again..... But don't know how to go about it without seeming like I'm mothering him. My plan is to have a bit of a heart to heart with him over the weekend and see if I can convince him to seek help... But I also want to help from this end too. Any suggestions/comments/tips would be welcome... Both from people who are helping their partners and also those on the receiving end too!! Thanks

Bellis over 50, isolated, no friends, no family, no job, husband has cancer
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I had a very rough time the past few years. I lost my mum 2 years ago, last year my husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We have no kids as God never gave us. Before used to be just as anybody else, lived and worked in Sydney, bu... View more

Hi everyone, I had a very rough time the past few years. I lost my mum 2 years ago, last year my husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We have no kids as God never gave us. Before used to be just as anybody else, lived and worked in Sydney, but about 10 years ago decided to move up North. All went well , me and my husband both worked, but not long after we moved he had and injury which left him with a nerve damage and had to go on the DSP . I had to leave my job too and became his carer. Another year passed and I became very ill, breathing problem due to allergies specific to that location, went through surgeries, medications, nothing helped, so had no choice but to move. As none of us worked anymore, we could only afford to buy something in a small retirees village, about 100 km from the city. All was good for about a year, when my husband got diagnosed with that dreadful disease. My husband is currently receiving a treatment which is horribly expensive, our disgraceful government wouldn't put 1 cent to help, in a few month we might loose our house, savings, and pension. I'm lonely, depressed, have anxiety, probably would fit all the category in this forum. I really don't know what to do, and this isolation is killing me. I'm hoping someone could give me some advice.

Swish Not sure if I did the right thing (broke relationship off)
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am relieved to have found this space, I am looking for guidance. Around a year and a half ago I dated someone for a few months, we solely spent time together getting to know each other. He told me eventually wasn't in a space for a rel... View more

Hi everyone, I am relieved to have found this space, I am looking for guidance. Around a year and a half ago I dated someone for a few months, we solely spent time together getting to know each other. He told me eventually wasn't in a space for a relationship at that stage, no worries on my end, I just kept moving dating other people. He messaged on special occasions to touch base and we kept a friendship going. He was open about having experienced anxiety and depression. I am in recovery from a mental illness myself and have done a *lot* of work, no relapses in a number of years. Fast forward awhile and I realise it felt right to reconnect with him. It turned romantic and due to some really heavy stuff coming up on his end recently (the worst space he's been in in a long time, he is completely stuck and cannot think about anything apart from not feeling the way he's feeling) and not seeing him for a few weeks, he tells me he knows he shouldn't be alone when he's like this, but that's what he wants. That he wants to be alone, but in the same breath doesn't know if he wants space, or a breakup. He is adamant though that this is his private struggle and won't let me in, tell me what is really going on. I told him I am quite prepared to walk alongside him in this, that's when he said he didn't know what he wants re: space or a breakup. So I had to take a step back and tell him I love him and that I want for him to be well. So it's technically broken off, but I don't know if I have done the right thing, I was a bit knee-jerk when he was like "I have no idea what i'm doing or where i'm going". Any words of comfort or suggestions as to what to do from here? Thanks everyone!