Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bubbles89 Trust issues lost love needing advice :(
  • replies: 2

Hi all I'm new to the community Iv been in a relationship for about 8 years we have two kids together are engaged all the things u do in a serious relationship. The start of the relationship didn't start off good I was pregnant and he was cheating on... View more

Hi all I'm new to the community Iv been in a relationship for about 8 years we have two kids together are engaged all the things u do in a serious relationship. The start of the relationship didn't start off good I was pregnant and he was cheating on me with a ex fling that ended as she moved on with someone else and I chose to stay, I've always somewhat known it's unfinished business between them recently her relationship ended sadly and my OH decided to contact her two days after expressing his condolences, I told him I'm not comfortable with them speaking and I know this is gonna end up them starting there little fling again, I feel like I've gone bak 8 years! It's been a couple months and he has been acting weird he keeps asking if we ever split what would I take etc I confronted him last week about the weirdness between us and he admitted she told him she is still in love with him and he said he will always love her she is his first love, he keeps telling me he is fine and happy yet says he is confused and speaks about different scenarios "if" they where in a relationship & said he knows he can't have both of us yet refuses to stop talking to her, I feel defeated, broken, the hardest thing I've ever faced hearing the man I love tell me someone else is is first love and then I asked who do you luv more he couldn't even look me in the eye and say me he just awkwardly laughed said me and then said he loves us equally! I feel this is so wrong we are engaged have two kids together and he loves me equally to someone he hasn't spoken two for 8 years! Everyone's telling me what he is doing is wrong yet he is making me feel like I'm over reacting and I'm in the wrong also I told him I will message her myself if he doesn't stop talking to her then he says that will start trouble and make him really angry he is dead set against me contacting her it makes me sus. I don't know what to do but I can't just move on and allow this it's destroying me knowing he is inlove with someone else, I feel like he is emotionally blackmailing me to allow him to have her in his life, we live in a different town to her so no way he could physically cheat but I feel he is emotionally cheating and cares more about her feelings then mine it's like he is destroying my self confidence without a care I can't deal with this I need to raise my kids I can't be strong and alone forever. What would you all do in my situation ? Please help

Milly_jane Feeling trapped. Mentally exhausted. Cant get out of this relationship.
  • replies: 2

Hi. I dont know what to do i have been trying to leave a toxic relationship for quite some time now as i cant take all the fighting and constant bickering. Im emotionally exhausted and have tried to let them know i cant do this any more , many of tim... View more

Hi. I dont know what to do i have been trying to leave a toxic relationship for quite some time now as i cant take all the fighting and constant bickering. Im emotionally exhausted and have tried to let them know i cant do this any more , many of times. no matter how hard i try they end up turing it back on me and usually goes down in a fight when i try to block contact with them they always find a way through to me. Im always made to feel guilty and they use the i need you in my life right now you cant do this to me. Im constantly on edge about the person. Yet i need to start caring for myself and move on but they just wont let me .

just_let_go Jealousy Issues in my relationship.
  • replies: 8

Hi all, Where do I start? I'm in a relationship with an incredible girl. We've been together around 5 months now and I honestly couldn't ask for a better person. We're both absolutely crazy about each other. She's honest, open, understanding, loyal..... View more

Hi all, Where do I start? I'm in a relationship with an incredible girl. We've been together around 5 months now and I honestly couldn't ask for a better person. We're both absolutely crazy about each other. She's honest, open, understanding, loyal... So I guess you're probably thinking, "...What exactly is the issue here?" Well, in my previous relationship I got left for my best friend... Twice. Yep, 2 of my best friends. It has left me with severe insecurity and trust issues. My previous partner was nothing like my current one, so it makes no sense to compare them in anyway, but my brain doesn't seem to agree. I get jealous over the most ridiculous things. It's like there's 2 sides of me whenever the jealousy arises; One side that's being irrational and one that's trying to be the voice of reason. Example: She was playing cards with her sisters boyfriend and they were just chatting, standard banter and chit chat. Then suddenly, I start getting jealous for some ridiculous reason! My brain starts going, "She seems a little attracted to him." Things like that. Then my voice of reason starts going, "Are you serious right now, dude? Are we really doing this?" But I can't ever seem to snap out of it. It spirals into this ridiculous made-up scenario and eventually I had to walk out the room and calm myself down, or at least try to. Now my girl always knows when something is up with me. So she asks and I always tell her exactly what the issue was no matter. She's a little hurt by my irrational ideas, but she always understands after I explain why. Like I said, she's incredible. She has asked me to always tell her when I start getting these feelings so I have been. But I don't want her to have to deal with this side of me. I want to control it on my own and focus on the beautiful relationship I've found myself in. Has anyone had to deal with these kind of feelings before? How to you keep them at bay? Thanks in advance, everyone have a great day

Tricki Dealing with finding out you're adopted
  • replies: 2

I'm 46 years old and two years ago I found out I was adopted after receiving a letter in the mail from the Dept. of Human Service. This came as a compleat shock and I'm still struggling to deal with it today. My dad (adoptive dad) passed away 12 mont... View more

I'm 46 years old and two years ago I found out I was adopted after receiving a letter in the mail from the Dept. of Human Service. This came as a compleat shock and I'm still struggling to deal with it today. My dad (adoptive dad) passed away 12 months before and I have not spoken to my mum (adoptive mum) about this as I just can't bring myself to as I know it will cause her distress. I have met my birth Mother and I also have a half broth and sister who are nice people but I do struggle to feel any connection with them and I do get frustrated at times and just wish I never knew. Unfortunately me finding out also caused me to find out that my older brother was also adopted and he also had no idea. I have had to deal with most of this on my own as my partner and I have seperated. I have two beautiful kids who have been my rocks but I feel I have let them down as they now know the family they have know all their life are not blood related. Don't get me wrong I have had the most amazing life and I love my mum dearly, I just wish that my parents had of told me instead of finding out the way I did and at the age I was.

Izze356 Arguing all the time :(
  • replies: 5

I haven't been too happy with myself lately and I seem to be making a lot of problems in my relationship, we've been together almost 3 years and I've been dealing with depression for a very long time. Three months ago it started to become really bad ... View more

I haven't been too happy with myself lately and I seem to be making a lot of problems in my relationship, we've been together almost 3 years and I've been dealing with depression for a very long time. Three months ago it started to become really bad and my depression just started getting worse. we fight constantly and I feel like I always say the wrong things then it just goes from there. I'm extremely jealous and always think that he'll leave me because how I am, I have low self esteem and no confidence . it's sometimes hard to talk because I don't want to say the wrong things. I just started to see a psychologist, I am against taking medication for it but right now it seems like it's the only way. I feel like I just keep pushing him away even though he's trying to help. I can't cope with the arguing and I don't think he can either. When will it stop? I just want to get my life back on track. I want us to be OK again, but where do I start?

Elizabethvan Alone, my family hates me
  • replies: 2

I've felt depression over my head for more than 10 years. My family hates me... on a constantly my own twin sister said I'm a pathetic loser for feeling sad.. I'm usually a very bubbly person but if she doesn't get her way she mentally abuses me, to ... View more

I've felt depression over my head for more than 10 years. My family hates me... on a constantly my own twin sister said I'm a pathetic loser for feeling sad.. I'm usually a very bubbly person but if she doesn't get her way she mentally abuses me, to the point like now where I'm crying in tears and my mum sides with her because they both wish I never existed for feeling down and how pathetic and immature it is to cry. I'm constantly heartbroken, I have a broken stitch in my eye wish burst open and I tried to ask them for help and said "I hope it gets infected". I'm at a point where I've left my eye because it doesn't seem like I'm important a being or it's easier to just let it be in pain then bother my own family. I feel so alone, I recently broke up with a boyfriend, I have friends but not best friend, not people I'd convide in or randomly message to hang out.. at this stage I have no one, I'm constantly wishing I had a different life because even if I was living on the street if I had a family that actually valued me I'd be content..

Loupa New relationship, stalker, at breaking point.
  • replies: 5

I've been separated for 2+ years. It was very messy & someone I can't avoid as he's in the same workplace. I have recently met someone (5 weeks ago). It was an amazing initial few weeks. & things were moving very fast-met his family & friends, book a... View more

I've been separated for 2+ years. It was very messy & someone I can't avoid as he's in the same workplace. I have recently met someone (5 weeks ago). It was an amazing initial few weeks. & things were moving very fast-met his family & friends, book a couple of holidays etc. This new man went cold turkey off his anti depressants and I've been supporting him through that-withdrawals etc. He has since developed shingles ?linked to this. He has also had someone very close to him pass away, among other terrible things in the space of a few weeks. We recently had a fight over what I thought was quite trivial & now he has really stepped back. We are supposed to be going on a mini holiday in a few days which coincides with his birthday. I have gone from cloud 9 & feeling really secure and excited about the now & potential future to feeling powerless, anxious and doubting myself. I'm a shift worker & am struggling to sleep & eat. I feel incredibly emotional & as soon as work finishes I climb into bed to escape. I'm so scared that I'm going back to a dark place. I'm moody, snappy & desperately wanting to resolve things. I think it's fair to say that one of my best friends has become a stalker. He recently confessed his love for me and is ignoring all my plees to give me space. I feel suffocated by his ongoing emotion filled texts and calls and not respecting what I have with this new person. He can see my every move on a map while I'm at work & I work in a high stress job so it's very overwhelming. He has visited my parents' home breaking down in front of them & has sent me gifts, flowers & even a book with typed up promises with a cut out spot for a ring for the day he promised to me! It's not normal behaviour at all and I have no doubt it has lead to my stress and effected things with this new guy. I'm barely functioning and am crying at the drop of a hat. Needing help & advice please.

Rhu Losing family members
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, About 3 years ago, my beloved grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and wasn't given much time to live. Then just weeks later, my mother was diagnosed with cancer as well. Just 2 years ago, my grandfather passed away from the cancer, and... View more

Hi everyone, About 3 years ago, my beloved grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and wasn't given much time to live. Then just weeks later, my mother was diagnosed with cancer as well. Just 2 years ago, my grandfather passed away from the cancer, and since then, I often get tearful and panicky moments when I think about losing another family member. My grandmother has a lot of mental health issues and has lost the will to live, and everytime I talk to her, I often end up in tears after the call. I keep fearing that everytime I talk to her over the phone could be the last time I speak to her, and I keep getting morbid thoughts that she could suddenly pass away in her sleep the next day. My mother is in remission now, but I sometimes get paranoid thoughts that the cancer could return and end her life prematurely; other times, I keep fearing that she might be killed in a plane crash when flying home. Anyone have any advise on how to deal with these worries? Thanks in advance. Rhu

BS Allowing myself to relax and be happy.
  • replies: 1

I am in a long term relationship of five years. She has just proposed to me. It was amazing and out of the blue and even though we always said we would never get married I am really happy. These past 5 years have been amazing, it has taken me a long ... View more

I am in a long term relationship of five years. She has just proposed to me. It was amazing and out of the blue and even though we always said we would never get married I am really happy. These past 5 years have been amazing, it has taken me a long time to admit that I feel the way I do about her, for a long time I said I was in it for a good time not a long time, and then when she was living with me I told people she was staying with because the idea of her living with me was to much of a commitment. I have huge commitment phobias. However although it took five years I finally accepted being in a relationship and started to feel good about it even. Now she has proposed, for the first month I was fine. I was in a bliss of 'just engaged' but suddenly all my old fears have started to flood back to me, what if she is not the one? What if I am not the one for her? What if I am not good enough for her? Is this actual love? What if three years down the track things change between us? Saying yes has suddenly brought back all my insecurity s. Including one that took me ages to get over but now I am starting to think maybe I didn't ever get over it. My partner has this friend. An old high school friend, they are really close and they used to hook up when they where younger, nothing to serious or anything, I have met her twice. (she lives in a different state) But I always have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that something is going on between them. And I know it is not, this other chick is completely straight and she is even in a relationship but it is like they have this bond that does not even seem to come close to ours. And I know it is just cause they grew up together, but I hate it. I always worry they are together secretly. I thought I was over it, but now that she has asked me to marry her I have started to spiral out of control again. Which makes no sense because she asked me to be with her for the rest of my life, I mean shouldn't that make me feel more comfortable in the relationship? But my commitment phobia just screams out at me that commitment equals pain, betrayal and lies. I have talked to her about it and she says she understands but I also don't want her to change her relationship with this other girl just cause she is with someone who has crazy jealousy problems. Does anyone have any tips to getting over this kind of jealousy and fear? I am scared my fear will eventually break us up. I just want to be able to be happy.

-e Not ready to speak about issues but being forced.
  • replies: 16

Hi, I'm new to this so this might be a bit long but here is my situation. I am 23, almost 24 years old. I had been, until recently, living in the UK for the past 2 years. My visa expired and I was forced to return to Australia. After this I started f... View more

Hi, I'm new to this so this might be a bit long but here is my situation. I am 23, almost 24 years old. I had been, until recently, living in the UK for the past 2 years. My visa expired and I was forced to return to Australia. After this I started feeling depressed and my anxiety worsened. I put this down to having to leave a place I loved to move back in with my parents. I started seeing a psychologist about this and it has been really helpful. However, I am struggling to maintain any relationship with my mother. I didn't feel comfortable speaking to her about my anxiety and depression and was content working through things on my own until I did feel ready to speak to her about it (I said this to her a number of times). However she would trap me in situations and try to force me to speak about it. Resulting in her getting extremely upset and angry with me and making me feel terrible. She then called my psychologist without my knowing to ask her what was going on with me. Obviously, this information wasn't given to her and I was told by my psychologist that she had called. Things went downhill from there. I confronted my mother about her calling my psychologist and said I was annoyed but that she could speak to her now that I'd given permission. She became very defensive and now blames my psychologist for telling me she had called and won't agree to speak to her anymore. I feel I cannot be myself around her and so mostly keep to myself (resulting in her getting angry at me for not talking). I was speaking to dad occasionally about the issues with my mum but he seems to have grown tired of hearing it and seems annoyed at me for having these feelings towards her. So I now don't have him to speak to. I don't have many friends here and none which I feel comfortable talking to about these issues. My best friend lives overseas and although we talk regularly, I'm extremely lonely. I go days sometimes without speaking to anyone and I feel I'm at breaking point. I'm almost 24 yet feel my mother is treating me like a child and constantly making me feel bad for not being ready to speak about a personal issue. I have no idea what to do anymore?