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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Readytogiveup Cheated on
  • replies: 5

Hey folks i recently found out my wife cheated on me about 3 years ago and im truly devastated and I don't know what to do we have a 2 year old son together and he's the only reason why I haven't left yet I know for a fact she cheated on me and yet s... View more

Hey folks i recently found out my wife cheated on me about 3 years ago and im truly devastated and I don't know what to do we have a 2 year old son together and he's the only reason why I haven't left yet I know for a fact she cheated on me and yet she still lies to me I know within myself I can't trust her ever again and I can't stay I've tried to make a go of it but I'm scared that if I stay I will resent her and that's not fair on our son

CupOfTea33 Relationship anxiety over partners ex-girlfriend
  • replies: 3

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 5/6 months now. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we hit it off right away and really love each others company. We both love each other a lot, he treats me well and respects me, we are even moving ... View more

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 5/6 months now. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we hit it off right away and really love each others company. We both love each other a lot, he treats me well and respects me, we are even moving in together in a couple of months. The thing is he is still extremely close to his ex girlfriend of 7 years. They live a few streets away from each other so they regularly hang out, both in a group and alone. She suffers from depression and borderline personality disorder and my boyfriend is her support in moments of crisis, which have been increasing since I have came into his life. In my past relationships, my anxiety and thoughts have caused trouble and I am trying to not let them ruin this one. When my boyfriend and I are together he gives me no reason not to trust him, he reassures me I will always come first, and tells me this is just something he has to do. I am ok with everything when we're together but once I am alone my mind goes into overdrive about the possibilitity of feelings still being there. At the moment it's even harder because we have to do long distance for a few months for my work. I feel like an awful person for feeling this way, as she is obviously needs support. Her safety is obviously much more important than my insecurities. I am trying to brush it off when he tells me he was over at her house but my insides curl up every time and I'm left anxious for a few days after (difficulty catching breath and dermatillomania). He does know it makes me uncomfortable. I know it's also good he is actually telling me what's happening but my insecurities override any reassuring signs. Will this get easier over time or should I confront him and tell him how it is making me feel? I'm not sure where to get advice as friends just tell me it's wrong he is spending so much time with an ex partner, but it's hard for many to understand the mental health situation.

Indolingo Losing my soulmate
  • replies: 4

Hi all, another of these cannot sleep at all days and trying to put down my thoughts and fears. i have been with a girl for almost exactly 4 years. We met when she was not in a great space (eating disorder) and i knew i had to and wanted to help. She... View more

Hi all, another of these cannot sleep at all days and trying to put down my thoughts and fears. i have been with a girl for almost exactly 4 years. We met when she was not in a great space (eating disorder) and i knew i had to and wanted to help. She was 20 at that time but a very mature 20. I was 37, yes 17 years the senior. She moved straight in and we became absolute soulmates-we are both sensitive and emotional people. We never fought, could finish each others sentences and thought exactly the same - almost always. I have experienced love in the past but this was different, this was bigger. A willingness to die for the other was absolute. There was never a bad moment and we lived happily for 4 years. The ongoing issue was that she was keen to do something with her live but often too afraid or giving up too easily. Now we were overseas at our country of origin - we spent a good week and half apart at each others home cities and when we flew back to australia she confronted me with the unbelievable - she wanted to go back home - start a degree and i could not be part of that as she needed to prove that she could do this by herself. Once having made that decision we have been talking for days - some productive and others just crying on both sides. I feel i have been used as the guya to help her get back on her feet and now that she is better she can move on. She has been as much in love as i have there is no doubt and she still loves. I am / have lost my soulmate and it feels as if i have lost a partner and child at the same time (not that i would know the latter). She just couldnt go on not doing something for herself that she could be proud off. I am falling - still falling and hope i dont hit the ground in terminal state of mind

jesslowe83 Chat about dealing with children with behavioural issues as a single parent
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I'm struggling, I always struggle but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed of late. I'm a single mum with 3 children, son aged 9.5 with ASD and ADHD, daughter aged 8 with ADHD and a son aged 6 currently undiagnosed but also unsure of future. It... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm struggling, I always struggle but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed of late. I'm a single mum with 3 children, son aged 9.5 with ASD and ADHD, daughter aged 8 with ADHD and a son aged 6 currently undiagnosed but also unsure of future. It's always waves within the family, waves of good waves of bad. I've just started the NDIS ball rolling to get help for my eldest who has extreme anxiety. My daughter is an absolute handful and I'm worried she's becoming a 'mean girl'. I myself suffer from major depressive disorder and anxiety. I'm medicated, and mostly I'm ok. I've had my very very very bad patches but this year I turned a corner and for the most part I've done really well. But at the moment I'm feeling it creep up again and I just feel so tired, so stressed and so useless. How do you all cope with it?

Cedars When your loved one loses their longterm therapist
  • replies: 5

Hello, I have found myself here, hoping anyone can shed light on their personal experiences or is a health professional that has gone through this before. In short, my partner has had the same therapist for around 8 years. Due to some family issues h... View more

Hello, I have found myself here, hoping anyone can shed light on their personal experiences or is a health professional that has gone through this before. In short, my partner has had the same therapist for around 8 years. Due to some family issues his therapist has had to move interstate. My partner leading up to this time was obviously very worried and upset - losing his torch of the last 8 years. It has ended up creating issues in our relationship. I have had short term therapy many times in the past, and me not being able to understand how big the situation is for my partner has caused a huge crack for us. Hand on heart, it's not me being unwilling, i just don't know how to support him. I have tried my best to explain, and offer the support I can. I love him very much - and I can also see a change in his character. He is quite depressed. He is also not sure now whether our relationship is best for him, and he has said it himself, this situation was a massive red flag. I want to understand more, so I can be more useful. I am totally devastated. I love him very much, and we have a great relationship. But this has just changed everything. I just wanted to also add he now has a new therapist, but it is very early days and his new therapist is overseas for another month. Thank you!

inc0gnit0 Dealing with an alcoholic & depressed dad
  • replies: 9

Hi all, I am a 32 year old married guy looking for some guidance regarding my father and his drinking. Over the last few years it has become unbearable for my mother to live with him and their relationship is very cold. Her tolerance for his drinking... View more

Hi all, I am a 32 year old married guy looking for some guidance regarding my father and his drinking. Over the last few years it has become unbearable for my mother to live with him and their relationship is very cold. Her tolerance for his drinking has gradually declined since the loss of my brother to suicide over a decade ago. She wants to leave, and I too want to distance myself from him as the worry is taking a toll on my well-being, effecting my job and marriage. But I don't know if leaving and creating distance is the right thing to do to someone in his position. What makes this complicated is that he may suffer from depression. He goes to the doctor frequently about it, is on depression medication and will soon start seeing a psychiatrist. However he has not mentioned to the doctor his drinking. I am by no means an expert, but after so many years experience and watching his thinking and judgement deteriorate, my mother and I believe the core issue is his drinking. He does not accept he drinks too much, and any speak of it causes him to go into extreme frustration and distress. He refuses to see a group therapist or take any action related to his drinking. The reason my mum hasn't left yet is that he is very dependant on her. She feels guilty knowing that he will struggle without her, and he will stay home and drink himself to death. On the other hand, he is damaging and refusing to consider myself and his wife in his actions. From what I have read, the 'right' thing to do in this situation is to remove ourselves and let him come to a realisation, even if that means letting him fall further. Does his depression change this? Any advice would be great. If I'm confident I am taking the most constructive action, whatever it is, that alone will be a load off my shoulders. Many thanks,

Richard_C1 Endless loop of loneliness and depression
  • replies: 12

Hi guys, I just thought I'd share my miserable existence with anyone who cares. Many people on this forum talk about being depressed and their partners/spouses/friends noticing them. Man, I only wish I had some friends or partner to rely on. I'm a 28... View more

Hi guys, I just thought I'd share my miserable existence with anyone who cares. Many people on this forum talk about being depressed and their partners/spouses/friends noticing them. Man, I only wish I had some friends or partner to rely on. I'm a 28 year old man living by myself in Sydney metro. For the last approx. 10 years I have not had any real friends. Yea I have acquaintances and some work colleagues who I chat to profusely but no real friends. You know, the friends that normal people have, the friends that normal people go out with on a social setting in evenings/weekends/holidays etc. None of that. I've also have never had a partner in any romantic/personal way (can't have a love-life if you don't even have a single friend) and I don’t get along all that much with my parents/extended family. Because my parents moved a lot (not just suburb to suburb but all over the country), I never developed the usual friendships that people form in high school and then build upon later in life. Three years ago I moved out of home and settled in Sydney. However, it’s been so long since I’ve had friends that I feel like it’s such an insurmountable challenge now to catch up and have any semblance of normality in my life like people my age. I feel abnormal, depressed, lonely, with nothing to look forward to. I don’t feel like things will ever look up for me or that I will ever be happy. I look with envy at people who seem ‘normal’ – you know who actually have people in their lives who care about them. Recently I have developed a close connection with this colleague at work, dare I say, we consider each other friends and have gone out on a social setting etc together. Exactly what I thought I needed. However, rather than cheer me up this has depressed me even more. I’ve become obsessed with him and infatuated with his life. Most times of the day I spend daydreaming about him and living vicariously through him. I think he’s got the perfect life, perfect interests, perfect girlfriend, perfect social life etc and I am constantly looking at everything through a prism that involves him. I'm constantly green with envy - I feel like he’s the personification of normality and that I can NEVER measure up to him and have a exciting/stunning/cheerful life like him no matter how much I try. I feel like I’m in an endless loop of loneliness and depression. What’s the point of meeting new people/friends if I end up feeling worse? Appreciate any words/comments. Thanks

NSun Nearly Three Years Alone
  • replies: 2

The title would make this sound like another,' lonely person who'll find someone', but please read it first. I finished school in 2013, having a job at a cafe part time for nearly 2 years. The owner's accountant had a daughter who began working there... View more

The title would make this sound like another,' lonely person who'll find someone', but please read it first. I finished school in 2013, having a job at a cafe part time for nearly 2 years. The owner's accountant had a daughter who began working there too. Initially was just 'friends' with her until April 2014 when she began talking to me and I had feelings for her. We talked to each other regularly, took her out a few times…then on Monday January 12 2015 I'm walking home from Central station around 8pm. I'm a street away from her place when I see her with some other guy. The next day 'in a relationship' on fb and quit the cafe, never saying anything. Initially was just disappointed. But it's got worse over time due to several reasons. Mainly, the fact I've had no luck at finding anyone. Any women even remotely interested in talking to me already have someone (except of course the far-right narcissistic cafe owner,' No wonder she never wanted to go out with you again' - (she left day to day running of it to another person who eventually moved on and it collapsed without him, clearly only had the business, at her age, to bully staff and make out she was a 'successful business women' to her friends and others were 'dumb lefty losers'). As for the others, its that dire I was a university mentor. I had 10 women in my group and asked them to have lunch in Week 1 (part of the uni-backed program). Some said yes. Not one showed up. Another lonely lunch time. Its also how I see everyone else holding hands and there I am all alone. The subsequent flashbacks I have to that Monday night, even on odd occasions seeing her. I'm hurt and upset all the time. 'You'll find someone' 'Who? What? Where? When? How?' [crickets]. My parents even told me,' you should be happy for her'. I tried seeing counsellors but they did nothing except (see line above). I feel hurt, humiliated, shattered, incomplete (because everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend) and lonely - every. single. day. Tried 10 online dating sites, not one person interested. Tried Tinder, swiped 400 times, not one person interested. Last month I even texted my uncle before a flight,' at least if the plane crashes I won't have to go through another day alone'. Story of my life for nearly 3 years and seemingly for the next 60 or so (the less the better at this rate) - wondering what I ever did to deserve being alone. Disclosure: I have aspergers. I do know people but everyone has someone - including other aspies.

Empathic Marriage counseling- yes or no?
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone My hubby and I have hit a rough patch and I have suggested counselling. He also suffers depression and the counselor I have found can address all issues including his alcohol addiction. Hubby is more than willing to attand and is adamant ... View more

Hi everyone My hubby and I have hit a rough patch and I have suggested counselling. He also suffers depression and the counselor I have found can address all issues including his alcohol addiction. Hubby is more than willing to attand and is adamant he wants to do whatever it takes to get us back on track. Trouble is, I am terrified that this is going to backfire and that through therapy he will discover he no longer wants to be married. Am I being paranoid or is this something I already know deep down inside? It's really playing on my mind and I am torn. No counselling and the marriage may not survive or chance counselling and see him possibly grow even further away from me. I keep telling myself that I am being silly and that we've had 20 years together and he won't just throw that away but the doubt is so strong. I have told hubby my fears and he has done his best to reassure me that it won't happen but I am still terrified Has anyone else had good/bad marriage counselling experiences?

ddintlisten Why did I keep my mouth shut?
  • replies: 4

Hello I'm very new to this - first post so sorry if I ramble. 3 months ago I was asked to leave the house after a 10 year relationship with S. I didn't see it coming. I was told it was something I needed - a break from each other. 3 months later and ... View more

Hello I'm very new to this - first post so sorry if I ramble. 3 months ago I was asked to leave the house after a 10 year relationship with S. I didn't see it coming. I was told it was something I needed - a break from each other. 3 months later and I still feel like poo. Headaches, trouble sleeping, concentrating, crying at random times. The emotional roller coaster is massive. Some background helps. My first wife committed suicide 13 years ago. I always knew she was going to die young - she told me that early on in our relationship, and I know she tried so hard not to make it happen. But it did. She always told me I would meet someone else after she was gone, and it was this thought that kept me going. I had a relationship 18 months later with someone - we were good friends, but that was all we were, so we broke up. 18 months later I met S. S and I were together for 10 years, and I still imagine us growing old together. But I now realize I had not gotten over my first wife's death. She was there in the back of my mind, and it affected S and my relationship. Then came my 50th birthday, and with it the doubts - the dreaded "mid life crisis". I didn't own a house, unhappy at work, and felt lost. People tried to help me, but I didn't talk about it to S or anyone who saw I was having problems. I got angry easily. People would try to help, and I pushed them away. So I understand why I was asked to leave. I've reflected on much, and have realized my failings (of which there were many). I now want to talk about feelings, about life and what it holds. I no longer need possessions to make me happy (as a collector now realize I placed things on the same level of importance as people - now I'm getting rid of things and am happy about it). And I'm no longer expecting to win a fortune on Tattslotto and have things "fall into my lap". I'm saving for the first time in my life to get ahead. But most importantly I've moved on from Jo my late/first wife. I took her picture out of my wallet a few weeks ago, and today is the first time I've called her my "first" wife. In fact now when I think of who I love I see S not Jo. She is a memory (a good one), but just a memory. Thank you for letting me share - I feel better now. I just hope the great mystery that is life lets me get back together eventually with S. How I'll cope if it doesn't happen is something I'm not sure about..