Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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running_girl texting woes
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I have recently joined this forum (have a post in the Welcome section) and have gotten to the point where I need to ask for help in dealing with anxiety over a potential new relationship. I am trying to cope with being single at the mome... View more

Hi everyone, I have recently joined this forum (have a post in the Welcome section) and have gotten to the point where I need to ask for help in dealing with anxiety over a potential new relationship. I am trying to cope with being single at the moment but have a close friend who has recently re-entered my life. At this time we’re primarily communicating via text. There are mutual feelings there but I’m finding it really difficult to know where I stand or what the future holds. In other words, I’m finding it really difficult to wait for things to unfold in their own time and texting seems to exacerbate this. Obviously, texting leaves a lot to be desired as a path to building intimacy. However, at present, that is our main way of keeping in touch as we live a fair distance away from each other. My problem is that I tend to panic when I don’t get a quick response or any response. Of late I’ve had a fairly good grip on my anxiety, but it’s starting to raise its ugly head again due to this issue. Can anyone relate? Can anyone share how they’d handle their emotions if in this situation? I just want to feel like I’m on an even keel again - or a relatively even keel, as I don’t think I’ve ever been even in my life rg

Unsubscribed When mum moves in....
  • replies: 4

Hi, so a few things i just need to get off my chest really, as I've dealt with most of the issues. My mother has moved back in with me, my partner and our son. This is fantastic, not only financially but for my son as well. My partner and mother get ... View more

Hi, so a few things i just need to get off my chest really, as I've dealt with most of the issues. My mother has moved back in with me, my partner and our son. This is fantastic, not only financially but for my son as well. My partner and mother get along so that's not an issue. The issue lies in the fact that for a number a years (probably 10) my mother has been loosing her independence, and it's driving me crazy!!! I am an independent woman because of the way i was brought up, sent to boarding school, lived on my own, got myself a job after being homeless, always relying on number one. I got a boyfriend, 14 years ago, ever since my mother has tried to be a mother, quite successfully i might add. What i can't comprehend is the fact that when i was 16 and homeless she wasn't there, when i was going through the emotional upheaval at 18 she wasn't there and if she was she didn't have the compassion or the time. I used to ring my ex-bf's parents to pick me up from town if i was 'drunk' and needed a lift in fear of her punishment. I know everyone changes with age (apparently) but now that i'm in my 30's with a successful career and the whole bit, she is becoming the mother that i needed when i was 16...now is when i need that strong independent mother, so i can get on with my life as it is....(sounds so harsh). There is so much more to this story and i am exhausted...i guess i'm finding it difficult to study full time, be a mother, partner, daughter and have my career.....Anybody want to give me advice on what to cook for dinner tonight??? Thanks for reading....

Guest_128 Think about you????
  • replies: 3

How do people,your partner,children,family,friends,work associates? etc Think about you,or what do you think,they,think? For so so so long,I always thought my thoughts were right! These days I am finding that I have/had no flickering idea! I will try... View more

How do people,your partner,children,family,friends,work associates? etc Think about you,or what do you think,they,think? For so so so long,I always thought my thoughts were right! These days I am finding that I have/had no flickering idea! I will try and keep it brief fantastic family upbringing (I think) trouble at school,always thought I was black sheep. 16 pregnant,to a married 36yr,18 married to a different AH, bashed,19 divorced,21 meet the love of my life(Italian),2 girls later, worked started business with/for husband, renovated houses manually,birthday party with every kid in class,every year, canteen,reading classes,sports, and finally private school cause I couldn't help.blah blah blah. As the yrs go by,I have no respect from my children especially the girls,son 27,girls 19 and 16. Hardly any friends???????? Cause I call it how it is, Comments,and actions What would you know,you don't do anything, You don't own this house,Dad does,you don't work. Why is the sandwich toaster dirty,it's your job to clean it. Where have you put my jeans. There is nothing to eat. Dont speak,you embrace us. I don't need your opinion cause it's worthless. Nobody knows what I have done. I am sick of people thinking I am nothing I don't even know what I'm asking Later

Mitch_D Why am I afraid of people?
  • replies: 6

Why am I afraid of people? Hi, my name is Mitch and this is my first ever post. I am 29 going on 30 this year. I made a pact to myself a few years ago that I would have my ideal job or be heading towards that job by the time I was 30. I have come ver... View more

Why am I afraid of people? Hi, my name is Mitch and this is my first ever post. I am 29 going on 30 this year. I made a pact to myself a few years ago that I would have my ideal job or be heading towards that job by the time I was 30. I have come very close. I have just about finished an adult tertiary course hat will allow me to apply for uni and I did really achieving honours in all of my subjects. Problem is, I am afraid of people. Now I know what everyone is thinking. Everyone has a fear of public speaking. Yes, this was my main concern with this course. I had to do 3 presentations throughout the course. All of which I had this agonising churning going on in my stomach leading up to the speeches the moment I heard we had to do them. Yes I knew that there were going to be speeches and that there was no way around it. But I am almost 30 years old. Why can I not be able to talk in front of people? I have been doing it for 29 years now. Even social situations. One on one I am pretty good. Not great, but sometimes I can have a real connection with people, once I get to know them. But as soon as there is a third person in on the conversation I seem to find this invisible corner within the group and crawl my way inside until someone prompts me for a response or says goodbye. This may seem like such a minor thing. But I want to "live" my life, not wait to be prompted to do something. I had a few issues when I was in my late teens. I smoked a bit of weed and I think it made me really nervous. At first it was great. It was the "social" thing to do. But then every time I did it, I would again go into my shell and never come out until it wore off or woke up the next day. So, after a few years, I stopped. Completely. Stopped hanging around certain people, started an apprenticeship, got fit, focused on gym, eating healthy, all of the "right" things to do to turn this problem around. Did the anxiety go away? No. If anything it increased as I got older. Fast forward a few years, I finished the apprenticeship, left that place because I hardly spoke to anyone and had a "fresh start". This I thought would surely stop me being anxious along with being healthy. Still no. Fast forward to the current day where I have figured I will get a better education and that will help me to interact with people. Still no. I have tried certain meds also and I am still struggling. Why am I afraid of people?

Carmen01 Not coping
  • replies: 5

My partner of 8 years decided he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. While things hadn't been great for the last year or so, I was trying to fix things and suggested things such as counselling and tried to get him to talk to me. I felt this bre... View more

My partner of 8 years decided he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. While things hadn't been great for the last year or so, I was trying to fix things and suggested things such as counselling and tried to get him to talk to me. I felt this breakup was very sudden, and was having a really hard time coping, then I found out that there was another woman involved. While he claims he didn't cheat on me, he did start a emotional texting relationship, and therefore I consider that cheating. She was giving him advice on our relationship, while telling him she wanted to be in a relationship with him. I would NEVER have expected this from him in a million years. For 4 weeks I have constantly been on the brink of tears, and have cried myself to sleep many nights. I am still not eating as I constantly feel sick, and my work is starting to suffer. I seem to have constant headaches (lack of food) and I'm sure I can actually feel my heart breaking. I want him back, but know I shouldn't, and I keep putting myself through this cycle of talking to him, and feeling like I get through to him, then crying for hours because I know he has already moved on with this other woman. When we talk he is very open and honest, cries with me, holds me, comforts me, then drives over to the other woman's house to spend the night with her. I am no longer coping, and while my friends and family have been very supportive I don't want to burden them with my tears and/or worries any longer. My psychologist is helping but I walk out of sessions not remembering a word she has said. I can no longer cope with the pain this has caused me and need some coping mechanisms. I know time will help heal, but right now this is crazy! The only thing that seems to help is writing this down, which is great at stopping the tears, but it doesn't stop me from wanting him back... even after all of this. I feel like he is having a mid life crisis or something, and is also confused but is trying to stick to his guns in his decision. I have no family where I live and I was only here for him, but now I have a good, well paying job and don't want to leave, but feel I can't stay. The pain is crushing and unrelenting. What do you guys think about all this?

Cpp Love can't overcome all!
  • replies: 18

Hi All, Im new to this and not the best at written communication. Also my issue has been occurring for about 30yrs. Hence not sure where to begin! Im a mother of three still married to a man who has a controlling jealous mother who has and will never... View more

Hi All, Im new to this and not the best at written communication. Also my issue has been occurring for about 30yrs. Hence not sure where to begin! Im a mother of three still married to a man who has a controlling jealous mother who has and will never approve of me. I'm currently waiting on psychological support. When I was young I thought love would Overcome all. WRONG!! I know now that there cannot be a middle ground between this kind of woman and a son who needs her approval. Hence I've ended up anxious not functioning at family events yes all of them I loose it cry before going and begging not to go begin to hyperventilate and when I'm there my communication is hopeless consisting of only hello goodbye and I don't know as anything I say is manipulated and miss construed. So the running joke is. Oh here comes I don't know! She has emotionally, verbally abused me and has over stepped the mark in privacy issues too many times to mention. Today is a really bad day as I had a flash back of a horrible episode when I was young with my first born in the first week of giving birth to him. She didn't ask to come over and used the key my husband gave her to let herself in. Refused to leave when asked to, it was the worst time she caught me coming out of the shower. I had mastitis at this time and she proceeded to grope me telling me I had to massage them yes my breast. I was mortified and froze and so only resort I could think of was I got dressed hurriedly picked up my child and left my home not returning till my husband came home and she left. I remember waiting in the car across the road for her car to leave. This became a routine I would get up at 7 each morning dress the kids and leave the house I would either spend the whole day in shopping centres friends houses and mums house. Only in the last 4 years have I had repreave as I asked my husband to change the locks and I changed my number and he told them that they are not to call me and come over without being invited. Because I had a severe melt down! I'm a wreck now. I'm worried because I sometimes resent him for not choosing me and putting me in these situations or is it my fault not being stronger I did ask her to stop on several occasions I also tried to ask her to get along for my husband and her response I remember it clearly. " he may be your husband but he will always be my son" I walked away I wasn't prepared to be rude. Maybe I should have ended the marriage a long time ago?

InTheHereAndNow The good in relationships
  • replies: 8

This may seem like a negetive post I know but I promise it isn't. I really want to hear the honestly happy stories, and how you met. I am hoping to get from a female perspective that there is still good in men. Every relationship I witness around me ... View more

This may seem like a negetive post I know but I promise it isn't. I really want to hear the honestly happy stories, and how you met. I am hoping to get from a female perspective that there is still good in men. Every relationship I witness around me is either abusive emotionally or physically or simply soul sucking. Even after my mum left my abusive dad and I thought her new partner was heaven sent, he has turned out to be no better but in a different way. Girlfriends around me have given up so much and let their partners dictate essentially their way in life and it is like they cant see it. "But I love him "... but why isn't he doing the same for you? Relationships should be mostly equal. I am 37, soon to be 38 and have been single for 90% of the last decade. I suspect I have learnt to assume the worst from people, especially men, without really realising it until just now. So please, give me some faith!

Miss_DoingItAlone Feeling Alone
  • replies: 3

Hi all, This is my first time on the forums but really needed somewhere to let it out if that makes sense? I have 2 children and am currently pregnant and my 8yr relationship ended last Friday very messily with there being domestic violence. I spent ... View more

Hi all, This is my first time on the forums but really needed somewhere to let it out if that makes sense? I have 2 children and am currently pregnant and my 8yr relationship ended last Friday very messily with there being domestic violence. I spent all day yesterday in court and thought today would be easier but in fact it's been worse! I am having flashbacks of what happened and then remembering all the good times, I went to have a coffee with my mother today and I started to panic and cry and needed to leave the cafe. I went to my gp to ask for a referral to see a counsellor but she refused and said I'd get over it but it feels like it's so intense and it's such an effort to do anything I'm sad all the time. I am so ashamed to admit but I am struggling with feelings of excitement for this pregnancy Thank you for reading/listening.

HamSolo01 forever alone
  • replies: 3

title says it all this will be me for life... I'm 23 and feel like it'll be this way forever

title says it all this will be me for life... I'm 23 and feel like it'll be this way forever

rational_thinker Horrendous Parenting
  • replies: 11

Hi there, This is really important for me to say and vent but I am 28 and my parents have been an absolute and total disaster. They were loving but so ignorant it is beyond belief. They were uneducated and illiterate people from a poor country and ha... View more

Hi there, This is really important for me to say and vent but I am 28 and my parents have been an absolute and total disaster. They were loving but so ignorant it is beyond belief. They were uneducated and illiterate people from a poor country and had no idea what the hell they were doing. Because they didn't have skills they ran a tobacco shop. When I was little I had birthmarks on my face and this led to me being picked on and abused by kids, as a disfigured migrant child I was then sent to one of those all boys Catholic schools- this was really difficult and traumatic for me. Did my parents realise that these kinds of issues would severely impact their only child's development and psychological make up? No! They were totally clueless! They used our home as a storehouse for tobacco and cigarettes. I grew up all alone, without siblings, without even cousins, in a house full of cigarettes. Not once did they ever warn me about the dangers of smoking or drugs- they fundamentally didn't understand or were incapable of this basic parental duty to protect and educate the child. What is the biggest farce is that they expected me to be high achieving and successful. But I had to grow up learning every bit of important information for myself- it was like walking across a minefield without a map. Nobody really taught me about STIs either, not my university and my sexually experienced parents didn't think it was important to tell their young son that there is a killer virus you can catch and you should be very careful. I am not saying that is all their fault on that one, but I've taken some risks and am scared stiff from the prospect of getting HIV. But sometimes I wonder maybe I should just be gone, or have never been born. When you are that incompetent/ignorant- you simply shouldn't have children.