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When the irrational overrides the rational
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Hi Goofy41,
Welcome to the BB forums. I'm glad to meet you.
I'm sorry for the hassles you are experiencing with the aftermath of your husbands operation. I feel a special link to you as I will be going through the same next month. My husband will be having a hip replacement & the recovery time is about 12 weeks.
My husband does almost all the cooking so I'll have do take over that. Besides tolerating the pain, he will have to be weaned off all the pain meds he has been on for nearly a year. In a way I'm glad I don't know yet what it will be like.
I keep telling myself 12 weeks will go fast but I am a bit worried.
I think what you are feeling is only natural in the circumstances. When things get really tough for me I narrow the timespan eg I only have to get through today. Or if that seems impossible, then I only have to get through this morning.
Other times I tell myself I only have to do this job, eg wash up & I don't focus on other jobs until later.
I'd love to hear back from you & see how things are going. I'm sure you'll get through this. Later in the year it might seem like not a big deal? Yes? No? Maybe not!!! LOL.
Kind regards Lyn.
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Thanks for replying Goofy41,
I hope you've been able to get out on your own today for a little while. The drugs my husband are on make him very sleepy & I figure he'll be worn out from the op, so I hope to get out then. I might only go next door for a cuppa, but that would be nice to even talk to someone else.
Since my husband's mobility has become more & more limited, I've been surprised & a bit alarmed at how much I was obviously leaning on him. It makes me feel lazy & bad, but I'm doing all I can.
As far as the meals go, I'm only hoping to make simple meals. So long as it is a big plateful he'll be happy. He is a classic meat & 3 veg man. He likes the frozen pies, & other frozen chicken meals like Chicken Kiev. They won't be hard for me to make.
I've been feeling guilty too. I'm hoping that as my ability to cope wears away, my husbands physical condition will be improving. That might make things seem a little easier.
When I have to do tasks I don't normally do, I often become anxious. However I'm hoping it won't happen because my husband is normally fairly easy going.
I hope this weekend goes well for you. Don't forget to give yourself little rests when you can. You are coping with more than normal so go easy on yourself.
I don't know about you but I find I can only cope with a fairly rigid amount of activity each day. Anymore threatens my stability, but I know that & so does my husband, so finger so crossed!
I'd love to hear back how you are going. Be gentle with yourself, Lyn.
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I’d also like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to say that what you’re having to take on is a very big task. I read of the ‘breaking down of tasks’ and thought that was a great option, simply to not think of the longer haul or the big picture. But to break it down to what’s to happen even in the next hour. Or as mentioned above, think of nothing else, but the dishes or the kitchen and to approach that and get that done.
Not only will you feel better for having done it, but it also gives you a great sense of satisfaction when seeing it – as it is a place where we seem to spend a fair bit of time – hence why the job of the kitchen is such a big ongoing task.
The other thing that was mentioned about the “looking after of you” is huge also. If you feel yourself slipping and sliding as it’s beginning to get too much, this can quite often have a snowball effect and what once you could do or get done without any trouble, you may now find that this becomes a lot more difficult as the stress increases.
I really hope that there’s opportunity for you to make for yourself – some window of time where you can just have some down-time or some ‘me-time’.
I can also understand where you said that you’re just one week in, but it feels longer – because of the operation just happening and so the reliance on you is massive straight away, but I would really like to stress that the body does heal and things will get better. Improvement will begin to take place – it won’t be huge, but bit by little bit, I really hope that things become a little easier for you.
Please keep posting here, it’d be great to hear from you again.
Neil
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Hello Goofy,
How has your week been? I've been thinking of you often & hoping things are okay.
My husbands hip is more & more painful each day. So we are getting out less often. I'm trying not to think of the operation & just deal with it when it happens.
I hope you have been able to get out on your own each day. I'm not sure what I will do. I don't like walking, or getting up early! So I'll have to find some other distraction.
I would love to hear how things are going for you.
Take good care of yourself, Lyn.
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Hi Goofy
Im just checking in to see how things are going with you. I'm here if you want to talk.
Kind regards, Lyn.
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