What to do?

[Ihcaug]

I have had a fairly challenging 4 years. I experienced the breakdown of a 20 year relationship - 17 and a half years married after my spouse committed adultery for the second time in the marriage and walked out the door. I was left with my young daughter full-time and have had her older sister most of the time too. Just under 3 years ago I met a new love and we got married and have had a baby boy and it’s the first child for my new spouse. Throughout our short marriage, my new spouse has been quite negative towards my daughters and showed a lack of compassion when one was sexually assaulted last year. Now my spouse, who is exceptionally close to their parents has decided to leave our marital home with the baby after a minor disagreement - an attempted discussion which was turned into an argument. My son is now at the parents’ home and my spouse won’t return home. I have tried to convince my spouse to come home and believe in keeping a marriage together for many reasons, including my Christian faith. Things are very dark right now. I have good parents and family & my faith. However, does anyone here have any insight or suggestions? I refuse to give up on my life but am heartbroken once again.

[smallwolf]

Hi Ihcaug,

Welcome to beyond blue.

What you have gone through in the last 4 years sounds very distressing and painful. Sorry to hear what you have had to deal with. I probably/don't really have an answer to your question, but I am listening to you.

Have you been able to talk to people in your faith community or family?

You said that you tried to convince your spouse to return. Not sure if "convince" is the word you intended as some might say they left for a reason. But that does not have to really be the end of it...

Do you know why your spouse won't return home? Have you been able to have this conversation? Similarly, could you have this conversation (without it turning into another argument)? It also requires both people to be able to actively listen to the other (without putting up defenses). From there you might be able to find some sort of compromise or solution? Or not? Don't give up.

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim