What have I done
dear Purple, welcome to to the site.
Firstly can I say that it deeply grieves me to hear of your 3 miscarriages and in turn have your ex leave you and the children, which I don't believe that he cares one bit about how you must feel, I wouldn't call this being loyal.
You seem to be blaming yourself and for what ever reason this is we don't know, and may or may not be relevant, but that's up to you if you want to help us, but now you are in situation that you are struggling with.
By working occupies your day and distracts you from the present situation, but when you are home this is where the pain begins.
You can't cope with this by yourself, because it's only going to become worse, I hope that you can understand what I'm trying to say, and I'm only meaning this not to harm you, because I feel very sorry for you.
It would be very difficult trying to cope with your day to day issues, because your children would also be hurting, so what you have to struggle with is work, looking after and providing for your children and then try to understand what is going on, so please can I suggest you see your doctor, and if you fear doing this then please ring the BB phone number which is on the top of this page.
I really would love to her back from you. L Geoff. x
Update. I went to doctors to make sure my miscarriage was complete and it turns out the baby is fine. I have no way of contacting my ex to tell him and now face a high risk pregnancy on my own.
im scared and alone and struggling with day to day issues like keeping food in the house for my kids.
I have contacted BB and have an appointment next week.