What do I do

_NAL_

I'm a 12-year-old (F) and I'm living in a house where nothing I do is correct and I will never be enough for anyone. I'm repeatedly disrespected and set guidelines because of my age and sex and I hate going home. I've ruined so many friendships because of my family dynamic, and I just feel like I'd be doing everyone a favour if I never was born. I feel like my friends are drifting away and my academics are dropping and I'm expected to shoulder all the problems in my family. But I also think I'm selfish for wanting to die and leave everything for my parents to solve and I feel a responsibility to care for my unborn sister. I hate them so much but somehow, I love them too. I'm always monitored and I need to talk to someone, but I would do literally anything to keep myself from my parents. They expect so many impossible things of me that I don't know if they really love me. I love music and my parents are trying to rip my only anchor point away from me. I feel trapped and suffocated. I don't know what to do.

indigo22

Dear _NAL_,

I see you have been a member for a couple of weeks, I am so glad you have decided to reach out to us.

What you are going through sounds very difficult at a time in your life where you should be having fun and discovering life through young eyes. No one of your age should feel the weight of responsibility for the whole family, I am so so sorry to hear how you are feeling.

I have always loved music too and no one can actually take that anchor point from you because it resides within you. Even if you have no external ability to listen to music, you will always have the ability to hear music inside of you and sing silently or out loud. There is not a person on earth who can take that from you so keep your anchor alive.

We will be here to support you, you are not alone and you are always enough regardless of anyone else's opinion of you. You were born for a reason, that reason may not be clear to you right now, but you do have a purpose for being here. Can I suggest that you do a search for 'HSP Elaine Aron' as I think you will find you resonate with the description and may explain some of the things that you feel. HSP is an abbreviation of Highly Sensitive Person and there are many of us here on the forums so you will be in good company.

I also want to give you a contact you can use at any time you want to connect in real time to professionals who deal with young people and their circumstances all the time. Please put this information where you can access it when needed. There can sometimes be a wait to speak to someone but don't let that put you off calling.

Kids Helpline – available 24/7 – up to 25 years of age – 1800 55 1800

You are just as important as any one else on this planet, remind yourself of this fact often.

Please feel free to continue this conversation whenever you wish.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo 💜

therising

Hi _NAL_

No matter our age, I think there are times in our life where we can begin to wake up to a lot of things (become more conscious or more aware). With parents, they can take a lot longer to wake up to some of those things. As a mum, my kids have woken me up to a lot over the years and I'm grateful to them. It hasn't always been an easy job for them😁. They're now 23 (daughter) and 21 (son).

My daughter has always been the more challenging one out of my 2 kids. Took me a long time to realise that this is not a bad thing. While a child can be challenging their parent to be more reasonable (able to offer good reason or listen to good reason), that child can be met with 'Don't question me. Just do as you're told!' or 'I don't care'. While they can be challenging a parent to gain a better sense how they feel, a parent can be emotionally disconnected while telling their child 'You're so sensitive to everything'. Btw, people who have the ability to sense tend to be sensitive. It's just the way it works, such as with feeling a sense of injustice when injustice is there. While they can be challenging their parent to recognise outdated ways of managing the child/parent relationship, they can be met with a frustrating 'That's the way I was raised and there's nothing wrong with that'. Parents can be incredibly enraging, frustrating and sometimes depressing people. It can be so hard to wake them up at times.

What would you say you're trying to wake your parents up to? What do they refuse to become more conscious of? It sounds like maybe your parents have a lot to learn while not seeing you as their teacher.