What do I do?

[Guest_10375]

Hello,

I’ve finally gotten the nerve to reach out & hopefully get some advice / help, sorry if this is too long.
Had to seperate from my husband earlier this year after being together 24years. I’ve been in a lot of physical pain for about 2 years now with multiple chronic issues going on and as time passed and intimacy went down to zero, his treatment of me also declined. Like my value as a person/partner was directly tied to the level of intimacy in the relationship. The final straw was when he lost it at me one night while drunk and it shook me to my core, I asked him to give up drinking and he wouldn’t. I relented and asked for him to lower his drinking, he agreed then next chance he could he got drunk. Showing me just how little I meant to him.
Unfortunately what is finally getting me to break is the fact that I feel my brother doesn’t believe me about how my ex treated me & made me feel, especially over the last 2 years. I never told anyone while it what was happening as I don’t like to share too much & felt things should be kept between husband & wife while trying to sort out.
It’s caused this massive divide that I don’t know how to fix & I just can’t lose him 

What do I do?? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[melodica]

Hello,

I am so glad  you have reached  out here. It takes strength especially when things have felt painful for so long.

It sounds like you have  been carrying a lot with no support.  Living with chronic pain, watching the intimacy fade, and feeling your worth tied to it would take a toll on anyone. Asking for change and seeing it ignored must have hurt.

Your brother’s reaction sounds especially painful. When someone we care about doesn’t believe what we’ve experienced, it can feel like the ground drops away. You have kept silence for years to protect the marriage. You tried to work things out.

If it helps, sometimes it can help to share  how it affected you. Something like, “I’m not asking anyone to take sides. I only need you to know it was painful for me, and I need support right now.” You deserve care even if others don't understand.

Many people here have faced similar situations with drinking or emotional treatment. You’re not alone here.

I am glad you have  posted.

[Guest_10375]

Hello

Thank you so much for your reply, I really do appreciate you taking the time & giving me advice about this

I have tried to broach this a few times, in different ways and thought afew times that I got through only to have him try and make me feel bad for my ex the next time I see him.

He doesn’t have the best relationship with our mother and I’m afraid he may be thinking I’ve been  like her with my ex, which I’ve always tried very hard to be the opposite of her.

Am in the process of stepping back from too much interaction with him, giving him space and time and hoping that he sees I’ve been telling the truth all along. 
Have no idea if this is the right thing to do but thought maybe I was overwhelming him with it all

Thankyou again, am needing all the support and advice I can get