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Unplanned pregnancy

Acceptance_is_key
Community Member

Hi,

I have recently found out I am pregnant to a guy I have known only just over a month. He wanted me to abort it and continue seeing each other to see where things went. I on the other hand wasn’t comfortable with having an abortion.
He doesn’t want anything to do with me and the baby so we are no long going to be seeing each other or communicating. Which is really heartbreaking as we both do like each other.

I am scared and wondering if it’s better to terminate the pregnancy and have a shot with him. However I worry I would resent him for doing something I wasn’t 100% sure on doing.

Has anyone experienced this or know of any women who have been through this? I feel empty and broken. This isn’t how I wanted to have my first baby. I worry my baby will think it’s father didn’t want them and if I would be enough.

Looking for any advice or words of wisdom. Feeling very alone in this.

I am 26 turning 27 next month also.

9 Replies 9

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Acceptance is key,

Thank for writing your post and reaching. I was in your position over 30 years ago.

It is hard when you get pressure from different people. I wanted to be a mum and was glad I did. I also did not plan on being a mum that way but life throws challenges at us.

I am one person and it worked for me but someone else may have decided not to have the baby and felt good about that decision too.

I am here and willing to answer any questions and be supportive in any way.

Have you told any friends or family?

Take care.fell free to post here as much as you like .

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Acceptance is key, 

We can only imagine how difficult this decision must be for you. Getting an abortion is definitely not an easy decision to make and there can be much regret for making a decision that you will not be comfortable with. Have you considered getting some counselling around this to be certain that you are clear about this decision? Counselling may also support you in getting clear about what you would like to do going forward with this man that you have been seeing. Would you be open to seeing a fertility counsellor?

If you would like some help you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

Keep visiting the community here on the forum. You are not alone and we are here to support you.

 

Did the father also not want the baby? How did you cope once you had the baby? We’re you worried about them not having their dad in their life?

I have so many questions. I just know I don’t want an abortion. My mum said if I had it because of this guy that isn’t a good reason. I would rather have a baby alone then wait years for the perfect person as that might never happen. That’s how I see it.
The father didn’t agree however. I don’t understand how he can say he likes me but not want to try doing this together.

my close friends know and my mum. They haven’t agreed With the way the father has handled everything. I don’t think they would even agree I be with him if I did abort it. He feels this is ruining his life.

Thank you. I have spoken with the chat today to get some numbers. I have also booked a doctors appointment to get a mental health plan. I already suffer with mental health so this is all very triggering for me.

Acceptance is key

the father did not want the baby but wanted to marry me because he felt shame if we weren't married. We married a few months before the birth. It was a stressful pregnancy as he would argue. s

It wasnt easy because the relationship was chaotic and I was virtually a single parent as he said you wanted the baby you look after the baby. father was there physically bot not involved.

I am glad I made my decision thought it was difficult at times.

I think if you want the baby and you understand what it involves that is your decision. If the father does not wnat to be involved that is his decision.

Hey there, I don't know if you'll come back and see this, but just wanted to say I can relate to what you're going through and it's really hard.

If you continue the pregnancy, make sure to rally a strong network around you for after the birth. The first year is tremendously hard (of course, full of joy too). If you don't continue the pregnancy, don't fear that you'll never get over it. Lots of women do, they come to terms with it in their own ways, and their lives go on.

Good luck - whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.

In case I wasn't clear, I've had two abortions but also one baby. Who is now five. Given how hard parenting has been so far (and as I said, also full of joy), I don't regret the abortions at all, because those relationships would not have lasted.

TheLastSlice_ofBread
Community Member

It’s a hard situation, as life likes to throw on us.

It comes down to you, your body and your feelings.

if it doesn’t feel right you know and it’s important to listen as having a baby is not a small decision

however if you feel like it’s right, you need to focus on what you have to offer

if the father is frightened he may change his mind but you need to be happy if this doesn’t happen either

You are the only person to truly know you and your life and if this is something you can do. If you think yes, you can do it.

family is not always blood but the community you choose to be around. The best will always be there to help

PhoebeWings
Community Member

Hi there,

Having an abortion when you already have hopes of keeping and raising your baby? Abortion isn’t just a simple done and dusted action for many women, and it sounds like you are a woman who is not at all comfortable with the idea.
Abortion is a permanent and negative answer to a future of love and potential.
There doesn’t have to be a perfect time to nurture and love your own child.

I have seen so, so many anxious single and pregnant girls who doubt their mothering capabilities, who go on to be good, solid Mothers.

Don’t be afraid.....❤️
You have a path of wonderful potential in front of you......