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Unattractive

Green27
Community Member

Have always considered myself maybe a bit above average in looks department (as per society's standard) and A+ personality wise but after years of zero attention must come to the conclusion that I am in fact unattractive. Even googled average looking people lol and must admit they look better than me, unfortunate but true (my opinion). Is real beauty on the inside, is that what really counts? Absolutely, but my life experience tells me that people don't realise that until they're much older, which isn't really all that useful to me at current age. Guess what I'm asking is a) how do I reconcile being perceived as less than what I feel I am and b) where are all the people that really care, can't find them.

Reading this back to myself I sound like a massive douche lol, just trying to keep things short.

5 Replies 5

Gruffudd
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Green,

Welcome to the forums. You are not alone in thinking yourself as being less attractive, so it doesn't make you sound like anything other than curious about what others think.

If I got you to tell me about the other kids in your class in primary school, let's say grade three. Who was the cool one, the pretty one, the outgoing social one, the sporty one? Then what if you got out the photo? I would be willing to bet that you would be laughing because they would not look like the way you would describe them from memory.

In my grade three class everyone had a mullet, a bowl cut, a perm, or a combination of at least two of those. 😉 It was the 1980's.

So the people who I have dated look average or worse in photos, but that is not the whole story it is what they think and say, how they move, so much more. I figured that out sometime in grade five.

To answer your questions (A) You don't really know what other people think, you would be surprised. (B) I suspect the people you are looking for are either right there waiting or will come along when you drop your guard and are being yourself.

Rob.

Dandannydandan
Community Member

Hi Green,

I've always thought the most attractive feature is someone's personality, as the saying goes, beauty fades.

The only people who you should really care about getting to know and having a relationship with are those you get to know you for you you are, not for what you look like.

Acceptance in yourself is something that comes with age, just keep on being who you are, happiness and confidence are the most attractive qualities, not looks.

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi and welcome to our caring community Green;

How does one go from feeling above average, to below average?

When I was in my 20's and a social butterfly, I felt as good as it gets. My looks? Average. One night on the town in Sydney, I met an exceptionally good looking guy. We chatted and laughed till the wee hrs, then I gave him a lift to another club. He leaned into me and we kissed; hmm...nice.

Before getting out of the car, he turned and said these words; "You know, you're really nice, but you're batting way above your league"

Those words got inside and hurt like Hell; I've never forgotten.

The point I'm making, is that some of us take the opinions of others to heart. Each negative comment seems to add up in our minds, and the positive comments aren't as important and go by the wayside.

So, we get smaller and more insignificant because we're listening to the wrong people. Perfection is a myth; Yin/Yang presides over internal opinions of self and we attract who we feel deserving of. End of story.

Beauty and the Beast, a moral story of compassion and real values, can lift us up. Whether we see ourselves as one or the other...there is hope.

Sara

Dandannydandan said:

The only people who you should really care about getting to know and having a relationship with are those you get to know you for you you are, not for what you look like.

In an ideal world, this would be so. However, looks do matter, even for us old folks. We are visual creatures. But it's also true that confidence and self-assuredness can bump your looks up quite a bit. And a bit of alcohol can bump other peoples' looks up a bit too. (I just made that last one up to see it you were paying attention)

baet123
Community Member

Hi Green,

I am sort of in the same boat. Unfortunately, this is how modern society is however there is hope for us lol.

Be patient and find the right person. I know that is a hard and sometimes long process but it is worth it in the end.

Be confident with who you are and someone I am sure of it will love you for who you are to. Don't change for anyone 🙂