Unable to move on from ex

[Livv]

Hello, I am new to the site

I have been really struggling with the end of my first serious relationship at a time when i needed him the most.

So my boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys holiday with a few of his single friends. While he was away, a family member that I was very close to passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. I rang him from the hospital and he was as supportive as he could be over the phone. That night he went out partying and cheated on me. I was trying to contact him while he was with the other girl. The next day I knew something had happened but didnt know what, he wasnt due to return home for another 2 weeks. eventually he told me what had happened and then for the next two weeks he made me think we could work it out. As hard as it would have been, i knew i loved him with all my heart and would be able to get past what he did. He had never done anything like that before and he was honest with me about what happened.

When he got back, he came around and ended things with me straight away. He told me that he still loved me but just couldn't be with me any more, that he now has a whole new perspective on life. He then said things like he was only with me out of loneliness. I feel so stupid for thinking he loved me. I feel so used, but i cant let go. I still love him and want him back.
I feel like it was all my fault. The last few months had been difficult for me, i don't have anything stable in my life, due to the nature of my work, which can also be very confronting at time. I know i had been down and complaining about things a lot to him and i feel like i drove him away. I know that there is no change of us ever getting back together - he straight up told me that.

Since the break-up i know he hasn't given me a thought, but i cannot stop thinking about him. Ive tried to keep busy, but nothing seems to be working. Its been months and im still as cut up about it as i was at the time.

To make things worse, a family member that had been supporting me through everything, has now been hanging out with him, introducing him to her friends and posting pictures of her in his bed. I dont want to cause any family trouble but I dont know how to deal with any of this.

Would greatly appreciate any advice!

Thank you!

[Claire_A]

Hey lovely,

I hope your day is looking up 🙂

I am so sorry to hear about your break up- as I am currently learning, a broken heart is one of the worst feelings in the world. My boyfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me for almost exactly the same reasons but said he still wanted me in his life- whatever that means! The constant questions - what ifs, if onlys- are enough to drive you mad and the crazy need to be back with them is enough to make you feel like you're suffocating.

All I can say is, keep your friends and family close and find an outlet- take up a new hobby, set a goal to run a marathon or read a certain book. Don't blame yourself- a relationship is between two people and so if it doesn't work, it's a combination of factors.

It's okay to cry- like a broken bone, a broken heart takes a long time to heal. If you are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other but if not, it was never meant to be and you will find someone who loves you more than you can possibly imagine. Be kind to yourself.

Hugs

Claire x

[anxious97]

Hey Livv,

Im so sorry to hear about your situation. I have been in the exact same one.

I had a boyfriend of 3 and a half years and things went down hill fast! One day things changed and he cheated on me but the worst thing i could have done was take him back (which i did). From my experience, the relationship is never the same once someone has cheated. I begged him until he took me back and we stayed together for another year but i was always so anxious and couldnt trust him...then life changed again (he moved overseas, we did long distance for a bit, he came home for christmas and was acting suspicious and then dumped me at the airport when he went back). As hard as it is, you need to accept that what has happened, has happened for a reason and better things are yet to come! I was so depressed after the break up. I thought I would never love again. But you need to remember your self worth and that you deserve someone that you can trust, who will love you, support you, care for you, provide for you and be there for you when you need them most. I know it doesn't feel like it will ever get better, but just give it time.

All the best xx