FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Two Issues with one friend and one acquaintance

Soberlicious96
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Issue 1: I’m feeling a bit annoyed with L__ right now. Every time I mention my motorbike she tries to shut me down. She has an intense dislike for ‘all’ motorbikes that is, in my opinion,, not rational. Just because her brother died on one – and I know that is a truly awful thing and extremely devastating – doesn’t mean that I too am a bad rider. But that’s how it feels; as though she thinks I am a ‘silly risk taker’ when I am NOT. For starters, her brother, she tells me, was drunk at the time when he crashed and died. I DON’T DRINK AT ALL! I wear ALL the gear all the time (maybe no gloves around town on the odd occasion) and I ride with caution. I do NOT ride if I am feeling at all anxious or distracted or not fully physically fit for whatever reason.

I feel like I want to say something to her like ‘back off’ or ‘stop judging me as being a bad rider’ but I love her and don’t want to hurt her. Losing her brother would have been awful, I understand that. But thinking that ALL riders are unsafe is ‘blanket’ thinking and unrealistic. It’s like saying ‘all men are 'nasty’ just because of one rotten egg ….. like T___ (my ex). I could EASILY say that all men are nasty, but I don’t. I know they are not, I know that is ‘blanket’ thinking and I now have PROOF they are NOT all nasty: I have a wonderful man in my life now! ❤️

 

Issue 2: I know T___ is a wonderful young lady and I know she means well, but I just don’t have the time she wants me to have. I don’t’ have the emotional energy to …… deal with her? I know that sounds awful ……. But really, I see her as more an acquaintance than a friend ….. and I think she sees me as a friend more than an acquaintance. I mean, sure, we worked together for a couple of years, but that was work. And it was a long time ago now. I tend to let go of work friends. Work friendships are not like personal friendships. They’re different.  She keeps asking to catch up for coffee and I just keep saying no. I have tried the polite rebuff for a long time now and it’s not sinking in. Full time work is taking up huge chunks of my time and I barely have time now for my CLOSE friends and family, let alone those in a more outer-circle. I feel pressured by her to catch up when really, I just don’t want to. Maybe it's her disability that prevents her from understanding subtle social cues? I don't know. I do NOT in any way want to offend her or hurt her, but I really just don't have the time or the energy to maintain a 'friendship' that is outside of my energy radar. Anyway, any help or suggestions as to who to handle these two situations would be most appreciated. Thanks.

4 Replies 4

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Soberlicious96~

It's nice to hear from you again. If you don't mind I'll just talk about that first problem. I think you are mixing up logic with emotion.

 

Sure it is annoying when your friend cannot appreciate you are a safe driver (with or without gloves:) however that really involves two things.

 

She is concerned for you - and that's great. And having a bother killed on a bike is not something one gets over easily - if ever. It may not be exactly logical to tar all bikes wiht  the same brush, but grief, loss and fear changes a person and no amout of logical explanation will make any difference.

 

Actually I don't think she is completely wrong. I had a bike as my main mode of transport for 50+ years and while I never had an accident I had some very close shaves, not due to my driving, but to the carelessness, drunkenness and disregard for the road rules of some others. Just the opening of a parked car door can lead to disaster.

 

Add to that one is more prone to injury on a bike than in a car and there is a little bit of truth in what she feels.

 

I guess if it was me I'd be glad I have a caring friend and if they have faults be generous.

 

BTW I'm very happy to hear you have a wonderful man in your life.

 

Croix

Thankyou Croix. And yes, I know she loves and cares for me too and is coming from a place of concern. I get it, really I do. I just alsget frustrated sometimes. And yes, I too have had some close calls. Actually, I had a brain injury when I was just kid coming off my pushbike: didn't know my own name for about 4 days, had to re-learn how to write again and lost my sense of smell. Have never properly regained my sense of smell either. I am saving up to get a 3-wheeler Can Am Spyder now. Less risk of at least one thing: dropping it! I've dropped every bike I've ridden at least once while trying to park the thing. I figure a 3-wheeler is much better for me in that regard. Anyway, it's all good. Thankyou for your response. ❤️

Dear Soberlicious~

Well, you certainly are aiming towards the unusual end of the market, and there won't be any hassles dropping it. I've never ridden one, only a trike once,  but it looks like a comfortable ride. I often wished i had a reverse on mine, mainly as I have mostly had heavy bikes.

 

I can understand you getting frustrated when your freind is overcautious. Not enough confidence in you for a start, still at least you know it is due to a sad loss, and not a reflection on you.

 

Can I suggest a trick I use myself when someone is pressing me to hard out of fear or concern? I simply imagine the room is empty, and think to myself how much worse that  would be - it works (mostly:)

 

Safe roads

 

Croix

Soberlicious

welcome back. Pleased you have a wonderful man in your life.