Trying to get by...

[thaone2]

I've lived in hell for most of my life. I have a controlling father who makes me fearful of leaving the house alone, so naturally I never did except for (see below a bit). He is also controlling towards his wife. A few days ago me and mum had left, we are staying somewhere. Dad still contacts me and that scares me a bit. Neither me nor her want to go back to him. The only time I had left the house alone was when I had met my now ex boyfriend in real life in May of this year. When I had come back, dad constantly reminded me that I had betrayed and lied to him and that the ex didn't even 'have the decency to knock on the front door'. I had left a note saying that I'd be back in 15 days and my contact info. Because of this I've never been able to get a job. People have told me 'stuff him, just go outside anyway' but they don't understand! Tomorrow I was going to go to a job agency, but I don't know if that is any use considering that I am 25 and have no work experience, literally all I can offer now would be that I'm willing to learn and work hard and can show up on time. On top of this I feel my ex is manipulating me, one day he's nice and other days he's just cold, even though he claims to 'care'. I admit if it wasn't for him me and mum wouldn't have gotten out of that horrible place. He had broken up with me because 'I didn't do anything with my life'. Well he knew my situation for a year and a bit. How could I do anything with my life in that situation??? I'm trying to have strength but I admit its rather difficult at times. I'm still attracted to him. I'm wondering where I should go from here regarding a job...? I just feel like I have nobody to talk to about this. Sorry...

[Croix]

Dear thaone2~

Welcome here to the Forum, it has lots of people here who understand and would like to help.

Having so long under the control of such a domination father is terribly bad, and as you suspect, is most probably responsible for not leaving the house -and all the things that follow from that. One of those things is being unused to judging people and seeing those that might realy have your best interest at heart. Blowing hot and cold sounds a bit like a controlling ploy I'm afraid.

I'm glad your mum is with you - do you find her a support?

Can I suggest that if you have not been already you see your GP and explain that you have not been able to go outdoors, a bit of professional help would be good. It may be you have an anxiety condition, I'm no doctor so could not judge, however a doctor can, and then treat it as necessary.

Trying cold for your first job is not easy and without experience a pretty daunting thing to try to do. I'm not suggesting you give up trying but at the same time is there any was you can ease into the situation by either getting some training from Centercare or else volunteering?

It must have seemed a pretty big step coming here, I'm sure having people to talk with will help

Croix