Trust issues, radioactive jealousy and trauma from past experiences

[beanstalk_worm]

(P2) 

i moved on from this relationship 2 months before we split up and was taking a liking to a boy I went to school with and saw everyday. We started to talk more and I really liked him and enjoyed his company. We then started to talk more and more and dated around November of 2021. We have been dating ever since but I can not seem to let go of my past with relationships and boys. I am so jelous when I see him with girls he used to like or even now, just girls who have a reputation. I keep seeing him around girls and it is getting to the point I think he’s like my ex. He is nothing like my ex, and would never do anything like that to hurt me in a million years but I can’t help but jump to the worst possible conclusion every single time. It’s so bad, that it’s a effecting my relationship and he has repeatedly used the word tiring to describe how he is feeling with my jelous and trust issues. I have tried to open up about my past in the past (haha) but he just shuts it down by saying okay. I just want everything to be good again, and I wish I could allow him to feel more free and less restricted. I just want things to workout and I feel sorry that I’m dragging him down with me. I don’t want to let my ex boyfriend ruin dating for me, and I hope that this nasty feeling that clouds me can disappear and the sun will shine bright again. Please help me, how can I stop seeing him with other girls and throw a tantrum of anger, frustration and jealousy and become completely and utterly sour to the point my boyfriend is struggling to cope with it all. I don’t want to break up, but I don’t want to keep feeling jelous because I worry he will cheat or something will happen. Did I mention that I trust him, just not those around? But does that make sense because if I truszted him, why do I feel this way? Help me, I’m a little worm climbing a beanstalk and keep getting blown down by the wind and having to start the big climb all over again. This feeling is torture and never ending. You’d think after nearly a year and a half you’d mature and build trust. For me I’m stuck in a rut 😞 

[Bob_22]

Hi beanstalk_worm,

Thanks for your post. I didn't see part 1 but I think I got the gist. Trust issues are quite normal for people with trauma, low self-esteem or pre-existing mental health issues. My best advice would be to try address the root cause which would be with your mental health. The best way to do this is with professional help. Headspace offers a great walk in service for young people and offer free, confidential counselling for a range of issues including, school, relationship, work/study, drugs etc. I would strongly advise using this resource. You can find your closest physical headspace centre here: https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/ 

Hope that helps.

Bob

[beanstalk_worm]

thank you so much bob. i’m just feeling really drained now

[teaBee]

Hey there. I can definitely relate to how you feel. I didn’t see part 1 but I know the struggle. For me it’s like I make up a different version of my boyfriend. Like a completely different person and I get super anxious about what he will do. But that person isn’t real. And I look at my actual boyfriend and see the real him. But sometimes when I am way I get stressed so that is what I did and I hope it helps you. Any little cute happy memories of us I write down in the notes app on my phone. So when I start to feel my emotions getting stirred up, I open up my notes and read about all the times we laugh together, played silly games, cuddled in bed in the morning. Then it helps remind me who I’m really with. It’s a very difficult thing to get over and it’s still hard sometimes. But if you really love this guy and he really loves you, you can’t let anything get in the way of something that special. Your anxious fears are not who you are and you can conquer them.