Totally lost on a couple of issues....

[Canopygod]

Hi all, I have no idea on where to start on my messy situation, but I’ll try my best...

My ex and I have broken up 18 months ago, I have since met this absolutely wonderful lady on tinder. She, at first was the most loving person I have ever met. She was definitely the one I could spend the rest of my life with, even the sex was amazing and non stop. I am now living with her.
In the past 3 weeks, most things on her behalf have stopped. She still tells me occasionally that she loves me, but that’s it.
I have since found out she is texting her ex and has met him at her work. She says they are still friends.

On top of all this, we are dealing with my ex, who is living in my house and I am not allowed back there as she has put a DVO on me, yet I never hit her, cause I threatened to turn the power off(in my name) she felt intimidated. The lies she is telling the police is unbelievable.

I was escorted off my own place by Police.

We were together for 7 years. Everything is 100% in my name,as she had always wanted. She has never paid a cent for anything, all she paid for was the groceries.

Now, the solicitor’s are loving me and she just sits there for free.

She is not willing to cooperate in any way. I have been told that she now wants to get back at me.

[JessF]

Hello Canopygod,

It is a tough situation trying to find happiness in a new relationship while still dealing with leftover issues from a previous one. It sounds like that might be the case for both you and the new lady you have met on Tinder. It's not mentioned in your post how long you have been seeing each other, but I am guessing that things have moved pretty swiftly if you've moved in together already and promises of love are being made.

I'm not sure if this will help you make any more sense of what's happening for you, but I'll give it a try. From what I can see, you were with your previous partner for 7 years, and it has ended quite messily. You could argue that, because of the dealings with the police and the DVO, it is has not yet ended because you can't walk away from it. There are issues that need to be resolved before you and your ex can move on.

At the same time, you're living with someone new, and it's not clear where that is going just yet. You've described her as very loving, and that your sex life is amazing. New relationships are very exciting for these reasons, we can become intoxicated by the other person and don't have time to think about what a life together might actually look like. You sound worried by her ex still being in the picture, and feel that maybe you're not getting the full story there.

With both situations, it could be very easy to get caught up in resentment and suspicion. My question would be, what do I want to happen? What is most important to me? What can I compromise on in order to move on, and what needs to be worked through somehow?

[Canopygod]

Hi JessF,

My new partner and I have been together since the start of July.

Yes, I know I need the crap between my ex and I to be over, I am trying my hardest to finalise that but unfortunately she is just making it hard.

I want to move on in my life, but just have a lot of suspicion with my new partner now as the physical contact and sex has now basically stopped.. she still says she loves me though.

Im just getting more & more confused all the time