Too weird to make friends
I haven't had a friend in 4-5 years. Even back then, I only had a few
friends. But they all turned out to be fake, backstabbing, or got into
drugs and alcohol when I don't touch any of that stuff. Many left me
because they called me too "boring" for not being into that stuff. I
haven't actually hung out with anyone who wasn't a partner or family for
over 4-5 years... I don't even have those online acquaintances most
people talk to every now and then.
I feel because of my
anxiety, awkwardness, and lack of unique or interesting features, I just
can't make friends, and definitely can't maintain them... But I really
miss having a good friend or two. I feel I am a different soul
from others around me, Iike I wasn't meant for this time, or this
planet. I can't relate to anyone. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, so
that really narrows down who wants to hang out with me. I have weird
interests (Japanese culture, horror movies, movies in general, medical
science, criminology, alternative music, alternative fashion, body
modifications like piercings and tattoos, things deriving from Buddhism
and Wicca, reading, drawing, watching/reading about the news, astronomy,
horse riding, 70's-90's music, Japanese music, etc). How can I
make friends? Can I even make friends anymore? I'm 25 next month, I am
awkward, shy, have no confidence, always feel ugly and fat, I am not
stylish or fun or anything. I read a lot, so all I can do is tell people
random facts that they don't care about 😞
Hi, and welcome to the forum!
First off, you are certainly not a boring person. By the way, I am 23 and have never smoked, done drugs, or been a drinker. The one time I had one standard drink was at my friend's 18th, and I didn't even finish it because it tasted so bad! I had very few friends until early 2015, when my oldest friend introduced me to a new group of people.
You have a huge array of interests, and you don't copy or mimic what others do (which is actually good). My boyfriend's sister is into Japanese music and culture too. My boyfriend and I and two friends are going to Japan early next year. He went to Japan on exchange in high school, about 10 years ago. Myself and the other two guys haven't been to Japan before.
I enjoy movies too, although I am not overly interesting with my selections! My favourite movies are probably Dan in Real Life, The Book Thief, The Holiday and Brooklyn. I have never been interested in Anime, gaming or alternative culture, which is popular with people I know. Sometimes I almost wish I was, but I am the sort of person that cannot help but be completely myself (which I now finally realise is a good thing). I also enjoy reading, but don't read for pleasure during the uni semester. What sorts of books do you enjoy? I like novels like The Book Thief, Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy, stories by Mark Haddon and non-fiction books by Hugh Mackay. Astronomy and horse riding are pretty cool interests/hobbies in my opinion. I have no skill or knowledge when it comes to either, however 😛
Do you currently study or work by the way? If you are at uni, there could be Japanese culture or anime clubs (I know there are at my uni). I am in my last semester of a psychology degree, and I'm applying at my uni to study postgrad counselling/psychotherapy next year. I find developmental, social and abnormal psychology the most interesting. It's great that you have interests in criminology and medical science - those are important areas of knowledge.
Do you live with your family? I still do, and I'm close to my parents. I'm glad you spend time with family - that's important. Family can be such an amazing source of support.
You mentioned that you have anxiety. It is worth going to your doctor (GP) about this. You may get referred to someone who can help you more.
I'd love to hear back from you 🙂
Thanks for your reply. I am pretty stubborn and don't copy or mimic others, and don't give in to peer pressure or influence, which is probably why I have no friends.
I am not really into anime and gaming either, I do like to play games every now and then, but it's not an active interest of mine, same kinda thing goes for anime. My love of Japanese culture mainly comes from the pop and rock music, and the way Japanese people generally are e.g how they generally think highly of being modest and respectful.
I like all kinds of movies, but my favourites are anything with weird psychological/thriller content, horror, comedy, and I like documentaries.
I don't read fiction, though there's a few I like. I like to read about topics related to medicine, astronomy, science, crime, etc.
I am studying Certificate IV Tertiary Preparation via Tafe online, I will finish in August next year, then I hope to go into a medical science , then from there possibly try to get into a Bachelor of Medicine. My mental issues make it really hard for me to focus, even though I know deep down I am not stupid, but because of this, no one believes I can even get into university, but I am hoping to prove to others and myself that I can.
I live with my dad and brother. Between age 16-24 though, I was in and out of home, as I have always had issues getting along with my dad, but I have been back since October 2015. My mum left my dad when I was 9, it was really messy, she stole all our money and we were really poor for so long. Only in recent years did my dad get back on his feet and settled into a comfortable life, but my brother has ruined that for everything because recently he stole money from my dad and ran up debt on one of my dads credit cards so my dad is now down all of his savings and credit which adds up to nearly $30000.
Because of this, things at home have gotten really bad...It is hard to deal with on top of my studies, social anxiety, depression, lack of focus, feeling ugly, feeling lonely, etc..
I plan on seeing my GP this week about getting some treatment for my anxiety and lack of focus, as I am really worried about failing my course.
With everything going on in my head, I feel like I will explode soon... It would be nice to at least have one person to turn to who understands.
It's nice to hear from you again 🙂
I am also a bit stubborn, but it doesn't bother anyone besides my family!
Japanese people certainly have respect for others, and they are also quite clean. I've heard that public bathrooms in Japan are probably the cleanest you'll find in any country! I have OCD, and cleanliness/contamination is the focus of my anxiety.
Good on you for aiming to study medicine. Hopefully the tertiary prep course will really help with study skills.
Your family situation sounds complex - at nine, that would have been really difficult for you to deal with. I really hope your brother feels guilty and one day apologises to your Dad. If not, it's good you and your Dad have each other. Your Dad is lucky that you're trustworthy.
Seeing your GP soon is great - hopefully your doctor can offer good support, and perhaps refer you to another professional.
Do you have any cousins or old family friends you could see socially by the way?
I also have OCD, the bathrooms in Japan are amazing. I have been to Japan twice so far.
I have absolutely no family or friends at all, literally. Most people say they have no friends yet they may have a few, but I have none, no one to even talk to. I have a boyfriend, he is all I have, but I can't always tell him and relate to him on everything, you know. I do miss having a female friend.
As you've probably picked up, I've changed my username. It's still me though! 🙂
That's really tough. For now, you can consider this forum a space to meet friends. It's not the same as having friends in-person, but it's the next best thing 🙂
That's awesome that you've travelled to Japan twice! Do you have a favourite place or cultural landmark?
It's great that you have a boyfriend, but as you said, having female companionship is important too. I don't have any close female friends who live in my city anymore: my best friend and a good friend from high school both moved interstate at the start of this year. I am used to it now, but I found it hard for a while. I talk to my boyfriend about virtually everything to be honest. I can relate to how you feel though regarding female friends. There are girls in my social group, but we don't catch up one-on-one.
All the best,