Too negative person

[backbacker]

English isnt my first language

I have been with my Bf for 5years. We have had same issues for few years. The problem is that my bf thinks that im too negative person. I know i am negative but im trying to be happier. Im very sensitive person, i can't handle criticism. I have had anxiety since 2012. I visited doctor fo 1or2 sessions who said i have that, but didnt go there anymore and after finishing high school i didnt have very big issues with anxiety, but now when i came to Australia, the Anxiety came out of nowhere. After the first attack, i got one more attack and after that i have been very scared every single day that i will have more attacks. These attacks happening when im at work - for example sometimes we are traveling from one farm to other farm with work bus and im every time afraid that i will get anxiety attack. I dont have just anxiety attack. The thing is that when i first started to have anxiety, i always felt like i need to pee, but now its worster - my stomach start spinning around, i feel like i need to poop. So now im so scared to go work, i have taken one day off because i wasnt able to go work because i was scared i need to go poop while we are driving. Last few times i have been trying to sleep or have been sleeping in a bus, so i wouldnt get any attack. Its not only in the bus.

This has been made me very sad and scared. And after i started to have these attacks, i have been fighting with my bf a lot.

He critize me a lot. He tells me to do dishishes, clean everything, roll a cigarettes for him. He cooks, because he likes it and he is good at it, i dont cook, because Im not good at it and because im so annoyed about him remaining me very often how i burned one meal. I know that he has been lazy, but it has gotten worster. So im again annoyed and sad that he ask me to do all these things, while he is drinking beer and sitting in computer. I have been stop cleaning like i use to do, because i feel so pressured and sad that he dont put effort into these things.

I have been telling him that i dont like how he critize me all the time (compliments are very rare) and i have been saying that we shoud both clean and be equal.

Always our figths end that he says that im blaming him for having bad mood always and he saying that im the problem. That i have something wrong with my head and now he saying i may have bipolar disorder, because how i act.

How can i stop taking everything into my heart what he is saying. Whats wrong with me?

[GoodWitch]

Backpacker,

there's a lot to work through in your post and I'm no psychologist, but I'll try my best to help (I think you should if possible see a professional though, you can call the 1300 number on this website to ask or email for recommendations in your area). That's not to say there is anything wrong with you, but your anxiety about going to the toilet is affecting your ability to work, which means it's best to try to deal with it. It's not uncommon for anxious feelings to make you want to go to the toilet, because they upset your stomach. I'm sure you can find someone who can help you work through it.

As for your relationship...you say your bf complains about your mood, but then say he doesn't help with the dishes and you feel the relationship is unequal, so it's no wonder you're feeling sad. When you've tried to talk to him about it he's blamed you and called you bipolar, which I'm sure makes you feel worse. This is not what a supportive person would say (also nothing you've said indicates bipolar). How much of your current anxiety do you think is caused by the problems in your relationship? If you are feeling negative about your relationship it is sure to affect your overall mood. It's hard to be happy when you feel uncared for by your bf.

I don't have the answer for how to stop taking his words to heart. When you love someone it is so hard to hear them say bad things about you. But I suppose you could start with understanding that no one person is entirely at fault for everything in a relationship (unless there's abuse etc). So if he's not admitting that anything is his fault, that's a problem. He's not meeting you halfway and expecting everything his way and then saying something is wrong with you when you point out any problems. Good relationships work on compromise, and if he's not willing to compromise maybe this relationship isn't right for you?

Just a few thoughts

Good luck

GW