together for 30+years and he is depressed and has alcohol dependency
Hello Keiffer, welcome and thanks for posting your comment, one that I can relate to, but won't explain everything because this is your own thread so just briefly I drank from when I hopped up until I fell asleep only because I was depressed, now I only drink socially.
My wife tried to help me but finally divorced me.
In your situation, you don't exactly know how much he has drunk, because what he says he has, probably isn't anywhere near what he has and by stopping for a day or so doesn't mean a lot because then he's back into it.
There are so many different versions of what an alcoholic is, doctors, psych's and the public differ in their opinions, the same as I have my own, whereas the person next to me agrees or disagrees, that's not the problem it's how the person thinks and whether they want to do something about it.
He will only stop when he wants to, no continual telling will make him stop, it has to be his decision, but yes, it would be a good idea to have counselling yourself because to cry when you are on holidays is certainly not good, and I do feel so sorry for you.
Do you have any thoughts about the future, except for him to stop, as I'd really like to hear back from
I’m scared I’ll end up like a friend of mine who is 65 and lives with a nasty verbally abusive partner but can’t take the step to leave because she has too much invested in their farm. But I love my horses and if I leave, the major thing that makes me happy may not be possible. I’m not sure if I could keep it together if I lost them
When he is going through a period of high alcohol consumption I know that he will only last until about 8.30 at night or even earlier ( fall asleep at the dinner table in the chair ) so it’s really not that long that I have to put up with him.
i appreciate your advice on it being his decision. The last response I got when we talked about him not remembering the evening “conversation/complaint session “ was that he “ didn’t know what could be done about fixing the problem. Since then the red wine is out, the empty bottles are in the cupboard.
Would it have been motivation for you if your partner “ left” for a while? Do you think he would just say great and get stuck into the alcohol without the nagging wife round to watch him ?
Now that I’m back at work again the ratio of nice to not nice conversation is better! I actually feel happier than when I am at home with him. I don’t know what to do but I want to live with someone who is a nice reasonable person or I just want to be alone.