Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover · ‎28-03-2018

I'm finding it hard to express what's going on in my head, I know what's there, but actually communicating it is a sense of failure, that there must be something wrong with me. I'm a father to 2 kids and husband to my wife. I don't feel I fit into my family anymore. To cut it short, I'm tired of caring. More and more days go by where I have more internal rage, and more thoughts of "I just don't give a F anymore". And I never thought I'd be experiencing days of loneliness or coming home to a family that just expects me to do stuff. I feel like I'm on a road to an eventual end, that will end much sooner than it should, and frankly I don't care. I feel so lost

Sophie_M · ‎25-12-2021

Hey Speckonaclover

Sounds like you really struggling and that your teenage daughters often dont treat you well. That must be a horrible feeling but we want to remind that all life is important, including yours and whilst it may not feel like it right now, you can certainly become strong again. We understand how hard it can be especially during this of year and want you to know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

If you are wanting to act on thoughts of suicide, then this is an emergency and you should call 000 immediately.

Lauz22 · ‎26-12-2021

Hi Speckonalover,

This was really sad to read and I'm sorry to hear about the pain you are going through.

What has led to you to feel isolated from your family?

I believe any parent struggles with raising teenager daughters, it's a very confusing and stressful time for teenagers, especially in this day and age and with social media, it would be so hard being a teenager! As a young female adolescent, I can say that phase is something girls grow out of.

I truly don't believe they wouldn't care if you were to end things. I think so many more people would care, more than you know.

Do you speak to your wife about this?

WaterFront · ‎28-12-2021

Hi Speckonaclover,

I'm really glad you came back to talk through some of things that have been making you feel so down. I can relate to being on the receiving end of the types of behaviours your daughters are throwing your way as I have two daughters of my own in their twenties. Usually, they do seem to grow out of it (when they grow up a bit) and come to realise the way they treated you was unfair. Generally, when they have children of their own or are mature enough to reflect on they way they behaved towards you. At that time, you might even get a heartfelt apology. I'm not saying the way they are treating you is fair or right, just that this can be a teenage girl thing. It's like you have to 'weather the storm' to get to the calm waters. However, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and care.

I know you said you have talked to a professional and it didn't work out, too much talking. I wonder though if some sort of family counselling might help. Your daughters and wife may not know the effect their behaviours are having on you and the way it is making you feel. Some individual counselling might help you find ways to express to them how you are feeling and also express how their behaviour makes you feel.

I find 'I statements' are a good way to express my feelings.

It's sounds like there has been a pattern established where you get the fallout of all their feelings and I wonder what your wife's role is in allowing this to continue. (something to think about) and how she could be a support or back-up to you when these things happen.

Happy to talk if you want or need to.

WF

Nothappyuni · ‎28-12-2021

Hey Speckonaclover, thank you so much for getting that off your chest- Thank you so much. That is my life 2 years ago- carbon copy, bar I had girl and boy. I let my wife take her bad days out on me from the start, the kids grew up to do the same. Like you I knew it would be my end if I did not leave; I left, this same time two years past. No matter what I did nor how much money I brought in- nothing was ever good enough and I was always at fault. The argument over you watching Youtube took me straight back to me watching Netflix and being told I had to get off as it impacted my son's gaming (he spent 9 hours plus a day on Fortnite). The last year I kept a log of all the things my kids and wife did and said, something I recommend to everyone in the same position. I was lucky too, I had a doctor that cared. Strength to you Mate.