Stuck in a loop

[WHaze47]

I don't know anymore. There's so many things going on in my head, I can't focus on anything. Again and again I've tried to heal or I've tried to forget about my ex and the moment I actually start feeling better he messages me out of nowhere and it just triggers me so much. I would feel happy? that he reached out and at the same time feel resentful and angry for the things that happened in the past...there's so many emotions I'm feeling at the same time and again I ride the rollercoaster, it frustrates me. I know I am to blame for letting him treat me like that from the beginning but I can't seem to get rid of him emotionally. I am frustrated with myself for always replying back and taking him back whenever he feels like coming back. I feel so worthless. I feel like I haven't learned the lesson. Its frustrating, I need help.... I need help to get out of this cycle, blocking him seems pointless...I've reached out to a few friends and they said dating again would help me forget, but I feel like that would just make things worse as I feel so agitated already. I need help....what should I do? 

[Bob_22]

Hi WHaze47,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your post. I'm sorry to hear about what's going for you with your ex. I understand break ups can be very difficult, especially if you have been together for a long time or have any underlying mental health issues as well. It is good that you have spoken to a few friends for their advice. This is a great step in getting a clear picture. If you're comfortable it would even be better if you wanted to have a chat with a psychologist or counsellor about what you're going through (maybe as a short term thing). You can always get a referral from the GP. 

Personally, I think establishing boundaries is the right thing. I feel like keeping communication open with him at the moment is like not letting a wound heal. I know for me, I would try to let them know that I'm only available as a friend from now on and maybe restrict how many text messages you send to him per day. Over time, it should get easier. You can always let him know that you're not in a good space and would like to stop texting at the moment. If he doesn't respect that, then its a matter of just not replying to his text messages. I hope some of this makes sense.

Bob

[Juliet_84]

Two words - block him! I’ve lost count the amount of times ex-boyfriends who were no good for me and who had no intention of changing, messaged me after we had separated. You need to ask yourself what would be the difference this time?? What is he offering? Usually they aren’t actually offering anything that would remedy the situation, they are just saying “they miss you” because they are lonely or they need validation, or are bored. And that’s fine, but don’t let it de-rail your life - I presume you broke up for a reason, what was that reason if you don’t mind me asking? Dating too soon can be tough as every bad date makes you want to run back to someone who knows you such as your ex. But there’s no pressure, if you don’t feel ready to date then you don’t have to. You can always do something else instead, buy a dog, take up a hobby, go out with girlfriends etc. Just keep reminding yourself why you did this and what you want for your life and keep working towards that.