Hello Unsure and warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums
Sounds like you've had a hard time for the past 5 years. No wonder you are finding it hard to concentrate, that you find you forget things, want to lie in bed all day and just cry. All sounds very reasonable to me for what you have been through. My heart goes out to you Unsure.
Abusive relationships are the pits. They can reduce your self esteem, self worth, confidence. And what I have personally the most difficult over time was the isolation from friends. It is all part of a pattern of their behaviour to maintain control.
It sounds like you are doing an awesome job Unsure - you continue to work. That is so important. Good on you. There are so many things that you'll be going through over the coming months. By the way you are not going crazy, you are experiencing what everyone does that goes through the same thing. It is normal to feel the way you are.
To be honest, I don't know why you are ashamed. Generally, this is how the abuser makes one feel. Puts all the blame and guilt onto the person they abuse.
Do you have any holidays owing at work so you can take some time off to focus on yourself? Even if it is just for laying in bed for a week to recover from the past 5 years?
Getting your life back on track will take a little time. There's no rush is there? You've two children to love and care for. Maybe you three need some special time together for a while??
To have someone to talk to is good. Since you've been isolated for awhile now, have you thought about going to see someone? Like a health professional? Or phoning or chatting to one of the support services -
1800 RESPECT (ie 1800 737732)
Beyond Blue 1300 224 636 (to chat 3pm-12am go to www.beyondblue.org.au)
Lifeline 13 11 14 (to chat do a google search for the Lifeline in your state for details)
Keep reaching out Unsure if and when you want to. You're not alone.
Thank you for the update. I'm so pleased to hear you have reached out to someone. The power of talking can never be underestimated.
I continue to find that myself. For 2 weeks I've been mulling something over in my head, going further and further into a spiral. Finally, I said a word to hubby, like - I've something on my mind. And he said, yes what is it. I backed off a little, but he persisted gently. Then it all came tumbling out - very powerful. Felt so much better afterwards.
Glad you can breathe again 🙂