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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Vicky6 Is it bad that the only person I want to need is myself?
  • replies: 1

I quite often find myself in moments when I'm upset, not reaching out to someone as I don't want them to help me. I worry if I seek comfort from them I will start to need it? I want to be able to comfort and cope by myself! I think I ultimately belie... View more

I quite often find myself in moments when I'm upset, not reaching out to someone as I don't want them to help me. I worry if I seek comfort from them I will start to need it? I want to be able to comfort and cope by myself! I think I ultimately believe that eventually everyone will either die or just leave me, and I don't want to rely on anyone! I'm not sure where this has stemmed from as no one close to me has ever died or really left me! Still I wonder if this kind of behaviour is healthy and whether it will help me in the future. I worry that all this does is stop me from opening up and trusting others. But again even if trusting others is healthy, why am I so scared to do it? Should I? Or is it better to try to be self reliant?

KimAnne It's over but how do I .....
  • replies: 7

My bf and I had our first fight yesterday. Our relationship is over as it was draining my energy and detrimental to my health. I realised yesterday when he took the word over someone, who he has known for longer but lets him down constantly and he an... View more

My bf and I had our first fight yesterday. Our relationship is over as it was draining my energy and detrimental to my health. I realised yesterday when he took the word over someone, who he has known for longer but lets him down constantly and he angrily and horribly talks about her behind her back, over me. I need to get some of my personal belongings from his house and at his farm, but he is not answering my texts. I have to get these things and get him out of my life permanently. I want to just sleep forever, my depression and anxiety is high, I just don't think I can cope with all of the hurt and the loss. I'm seeing my GP on Friday and will discuss with him my current situation. Does anyone have an idea how I can cope with having to see/talk to him without getting too emotional/angry?

Allie9000 Need hope.
  • replies: 3

I'm 25 And I believe I'm depressed but have no one to talk to in my life about these issue. I've gotten to the point of not caring about myself anymore, everyday is a struggle to wake up and get out of bed. I have no career & finiancallg struggling, ... View more

I'm 25 And I believe I'm depressed but have no one to talk to in my life about these issue. I've gotten to the point of not caring about myself anymore, everyday is a struggle to wake up and get out of bed. I have no career & finiancallg struggling, no partner (never had one), and recently told I'm infertile. I feel worthless because of this and like I don't really have a future to look forward to.

Thisldome She can’t trust me
  • replies: 4

Hi all I am new here and this isn’t something i Normally do I am married to a really wonderful woman for around 10 years and we have one child. When we first me she was extremely jealous but I thought she grew out it but she hasn’t Recently she told ... View more

Hi all I am new here and this isn’t something i Normally do I am married to a really wonderful woman for around 10 years and we have one child. When we first me she was extremely jealous but I thought she grew out it but she hasn’t Recently she told me that for years she thought I was having a sexual relationship with a man and she still does. None of this is true and is in her imagination, she has access to everything and has yet to find anything to suggest that I am cheating because I simply don’t, I don’t lie and have nothing to hide. She continually asked me the same questions and she continually gets the same answers because it’s the truth. I do manage to hold my temper most of the time but at times I completely flip, I know I have anger issues and I am working on them although I am not physically violent. She will spend days trailing through old emails looking for something that doesn’t exist, when she thinks she finds something I am expected to remember things dating back 7+ years and to explain it, most of which she has already been through before. I am growing really tired of it all and it emotionally draining to have to answer these questions all the time, it’s geting on top of me. When is a relationship been poisoned so much by her behavior to say enough is enough. I have told her that she needs to accept some responsibility for this relationship and she has trust issues that she needs to learn to manage but every time I want to talk about her she switches of and tells me not to turn it around. Some days are great then she will turn for no obvious reason that I can see and I generally remain calm, it’s almost like she is looking for attention or sympathy because her child hood wasn’t the best. She is a great Mum and loves our child to death, although at times I have seen things that concern me. She tells me she trusts me and wants to work on the marriage then she will say some unfounded comment or make an unfounded accusation like she is looking to light the fuse. I do have an appointment to go and talk about this and to help me manage my anger amongst other things to try and become a better person and husband. I never used to be like this, I used to be the guy that was everyone’s mate and a great laugh, now I couldn’t be bothered socializing almost like I have been pounded into submission and still being kicked. If anyone has been through similar issue I would be glad to hear from you or any advice would be appreciated Thanks in advance

lonelyheart101 Christmas loneliness
  • replies: 4

Christmas is a time that brings out joy and love, the feeling of being loved. But for me it is a time of crushing loneliness and anxiety. I’m 35, have a job, my own place, work out regularly, eat well, etc. But this time of year I’m reminded of how j... View more

Christmas is a time that brings out joy and love, the feeling of being loved. But for me it is a time of crushing loneliness and anxiety. I’m 35, have a job, my own place, work out regularly, eat well, etc. But this time of year I’m reminded of how just empty my life is. I feel miserable most other times, but my negative feelings multiply around Christmas. Instead of being happy, I feel like a failure for still being single. I tried dating, but having failed so often I feel emotionally broken and my confidence shot. I’ve become a bitter person who I’ve come to hate for finishing another year and still being alone. For still having nobody to love or love me back. Still nobody to share this joyous time with. Still nobody to even smile with. I don’t have much of a support network. I have family but we are not exactly a loving family. My friends have moved on with wives and kids. My co-workers likewise. Every Christmas I go through this, and there is only small relief for me when the new year starts and things get back to normal. I know there are people out there doing it much tougher around this time of the year, and my problems seem small compared to the hardship others are experiencing. I guess I needed to get this off my chest. Just wish I could cope better at this time of year. Merry xmas to everyone.

Cjane Trying to be strong and hold it all together
  • replies: 4

Just another newbie entering the Beyond Blue page. I guess I’m sick and tired of always having to be the strong one, the one checking on everyone else. Who checks on the person checking on everyone else, no one in my case. I’m so busy making sure eve... View more

Just another newbie entering the Beyond Blue page. I guess I’m sick and tired of always having to be the strong one, the one checking on everyone else. Who checks on the person checking on everyone else, no one in my case. I’m so busy making sure everyone else has what they need and their all looked after and taken care of that I forget to take care of myself. I guess my story started when my nan left this earth for a batter place five years ago and I guess I’ve never come to terms with the fact that she’s gone. Most days I wish I could be with her in a better place holding her hand to guide me through the tough days. She was the only person I would talk to and now I just shut down and don’t talk to anyone about how I’m doing anymore. Truth be told I’m not doing okay like I told my mum I was, I’m not enjoying myself at all these Christmas functions like I tell my boyfriend I am, truth is I’m struggling. Struggling big time I feel like I’m a sinking ship trying to hold it all together. I never tried talking to professionals but I think I need to give it a go but feel super scared about it all I don’t even know where to start.

Guest_1584 How o we not get family envy, when our life is like it is ?
  • replies: 2

Hi to all. As a few will know , l've had my share of crap the last 5 or 6 yrs. And now it's Christmas , one of the worst ever. l have a huge family, l've live 3 hours away from most of them this last 10 yrs, we lived interstate 13yrs before that. l j... View more

Hi to all. As a few will know , l've had my share of crap the last 5 or 6 yrs. And now it's Christmas , one of the worst ever. l have a huge family, l've live 3 hours away from most of them this last 10 yrs, we lived interstate 13yrs before that. l just find most of them full of lies , all huggy huggy but never there or throwing it in your face down the track. Which has happened and their own actions are never seen,only yours which are twisted an used. the maintenance to even stay in touch asthey're scattered all over, parents have both passed so there's no family home to touch base at anymore. Thankfully there are one or two brothers l get along with , and one or two of the sisters too. l rang one of the older brothers tonight for christmas. It wasn't easy he lives interstate and weeee haven't spoken a few years sinccce l was last the bad guy for yet another twisted around bit of rubbish . Nother story But l wasn't sure what rrreception l'd get. Anyway thank God it was quite good and we talked for awhile. His life couldn't be more opposite to mine. Me an my ex have lived all over oz and traveled and moved 13yrs.Came back to vic an ended up divorced. We use to be the envy of the family. Even in ways from this brother, yet he has the most movie like life you would ever find. Talking to him now though, my God , the way my life's turned out , yet l hear about his. They lives up in a gorgeous little coastal town 30yrs, his marriage is still good, loving, doting, His kids all grown and living all over the country and US , they go off traveling 3 or 4 times a year. He even married into money. Back yrs ago when they first met, he wanted to move up there from melbourne. She wouldn't go. He told me tonight that once he married her then she was happy to go and she loves it up there . beautiful house ocean views,still in love, the kids, piles of money , all these years . Yet here's me , lived all over the country , divorced , worried sick about my daughter and trying to be a dad to her like this. Just bought a house 20mins away to stay close and a second base for her, don't like it, don't fit in , it's too close to ex and her new man, and so again when she's 17 next yr l'm thinking of moving, and l'm constantly haunted by the ex and her sitch, just too close. bUT IT';; MEAN STARTING AGAIN , AGAIn , after all this time and everything that's happened , lived,yet here they are, so happy, in love, wealthy, beautifyl little costal town all these years, they'll die there.

Rainbow_fish Daily angst
  • replies: 12

Like most women, I work full time, I love my job, I love my children and I love my husband. What brings me here however is that I'm afraid I'm not IN LOVE with hubby, which may be a result of the vast differences we seem to have developed or realised... View more

Like most women, I work full time, I love my job, I love my children and I love my husband. What brings me here however is that I'm afraid I'm not IN LOVE with hubby, which may be a result of the vast differences we seem to have developed or realised probably since our first child was born 8 years ago. I understand how a marriage can often be put under strain once a child is born, however what seems to be the underlying cause of endless arguements might have to do with the differences in how we perceive things... my understanding of cleaning up vs his understanding. My idea of respect vs his idea. I don't want to bog this down with so many examples, but I'm really really struggling to maintain our marriage that just seems to be full of immaturity or sarcasm (from him) and me having to battle that in terms of wondering why he doesn't seem to want to grow up and be accountable for things that adults, parents and husbands should... he always says that it's me with the problem and I need to change, which cuts to the bone, because I feel he has lost all sight of what he has right here in front of him... a family who wants to spend time with him but he is 'too tired', or 'organised a friend to come over' or 'will do the dishes in the morning', but they're still there by nightfall next day, or 'needs to wash the car' instead of looking after the baby while I run errands. Its just a constant struggle to agree on responsibilities...and for him to be honest... it's really just that and a lack of open communication. Honestly I can say that I become annoyed when there is a million things to do, but he's browsing on his phone... I feel like I'm dealing with a teenager who is avoiding house chores or something... it makes me feel depressed because I feel I am being the only responsible adult... and as for lying, blatantly and by omission, this is something that has caused a lot of heartache for myself... if it wasn't for the kids I'd be out of here in a flash...it's not happy or healthy... but my gut and heart are saying I've invested way too much and have two beautiful children who would suffer immensely if i did. I WANTED to work on it but I am reaching that end point where i may just cave in and be consumed by a monster of a marriage. I know we need to talk, he just doesn't think there's anything to talk about... I'm in a bad place with him and the kids miss him... I honestly have nothing left to give... feeling more alone each day...

BeccaJ So alone
  • replies: 3

I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head. Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best fri... View more

I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head. Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best friend died of cancer a few years ago and I’ve never really gotten over it. It feels like part of me died when she did. I considered her my soulmate. I had never had a friendship in my life like that before or after. We just meshed. It’s like we were the same person and we spent basically everyday together. Now I don’t have anyone to spend my time with so I’m basically a shut in. I know what people will say to me. That I just need to get out and meet new people...it’s not that simple because I have major social anxiety. For the first 16 years of my life I was severely bullied for being overweight and had no friends. I’m now 27 and still Whenever I leave the house Now I feel everyone looking at me and judging me and I just want to go inside and hide. I don’t know how to talk to people. My brain just shuts down when I meet people and no words come out. My whole developing years were spend alone and being shut down and criticised by my peers. I just live a sad lonely existence now and I’m so alone it makes me cry. I don’t see a way out of my empty life. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.