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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MegGriffin Zero sex drive in an otherwise good relationship
  • replies: 8

Hi all! First post on a public forum. I'm having a massive internal struggle (for about the 20th time). I am 29 and have been with my current partner for a year and a bit. Although we have very different hobbies and are different personalities - I'm ... View more

Hi all! First post on a public forum. I'm having a massive internal struggle (for about the 20th time). I am 29 and have been with my current partner for a year and a bit. Although we have very different hobbies and are different personalities - I'm outspoken, tough exterior and a bit sassy, he's soft, sweet, gentle and a part time nerd - I love him very much. However, I have very little desire to have sex. Like, no desire. If I didn't have it for another 3 months I'd be fine with that. My problem is, I don't know if it's because I'm not passionately attracted to him, or if it's the medications I am on, or if it's because I have a very emotional tense job! I have spoke to my GP about it and have changed 1 of the medications (the oral contraceptive) and have lowered the dose of my other meds. ...no change and that was at least a month and a half ago. My job is very emotional and I deal with animal cruelty, euthanasias, neglect and the likes on a daily basis for over 8hrs a day. I feel like 'home' with my partner and we are both happy; we go out and do things on weekends, he is fully supportive of me, we communicate well, and we both love each other's company. But I'd be much happier having a cuddle and a glass of wine on the couch with him, than having anything sexual happen! We've discussed it a few times and he's very understanding and says "We'll just keep trying" but I feel pressure, a lot of pressure, and like it's my fault. And then when he tries to instigate I feel bad saying no. It's always on my mind and I feel like I 'owe' him it which is sh!t for me but I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be much appreciated!!

SubduedBlues Go away December... hurry up January!
  • replies: 7

Today is the 28th of November, and January can't get here soon enough. I really do dislike December. For many people, December means social gatherings with colleagues, friends and family, to celebrate the spirit of giving. And with NYE and the firewo... View more

Today is the 28th of November, and January can't get here soon enough. I really do dislike December. For many people, December means social gatherings with colleagues, friends and family, to celebrate the spirit of giving. And with NYE and the fireworks, the hope of a new year and a better tomorrow. Where externally I put on a good show, for the benefits of family and friends, internally it is the painful prequel leading up to a time of disappointment and loneliness. As far back as I can recall, I have always been the outsider, the castaway, and the excluded. At first, Christmas was the day spent sitting in the chair, quietly facing the wall, whilst siblings and cousins played with the new games and toys. Later it became that day quietly sitting in the other room, whilst they shared eggnog, merrily conversed and shared a pleasant meal. Now days, it's pretending to be happy so my kids don't have to experience that hollow absence that always visited me. My hope is that my kids will never learn of my holiday misery, that they will instead pass on holiday joy to their families (when that time comes), and that they will never feel the loneliness of Christmas. On the positive side, my kids are flying down on Christmas day to see their mother. (they should be gone by the time I feel blue)

UnsureAndTired MIL and Partner issues....
  • replies: 1

Hi All, This is the first time i have posted anything about this, so i am sorry if it is rather long. I am a 33 y/o mother of three beautiful children, and i am in management in the Mental Health sector (i am hoping that you realize that i am not stu... View more

Hi All, This is the first time i have posted anything about this, so i am sorry if it is rather long. I am a 33 y/o mother of three beautiful children, and i am in management in the Mental Health sector (i am hoping that you realize that i am not stupid, and have a brain!)Basically, i have been with the Mr. for 13 years, and it has been a real struggle. I love him, so much, i have split from him several times, but the last time (the worst) i realized that he is my person, and that i want to be in this with him. After 7 years of trying to get him help, he got diagnosed with severe and chronic depression and anxiety, and was given a treatment plan to help him with this. He started taking the medications, and started doing the work involved, and after just under two months, i saw him again. The man i love. He started working, he was spending time with our two children then, was exercising and eating right, and had no more nightmares- and our relationship was thriving. The issue is, his mother decided to intervene, and convince him that his only issue was me. And that he was fine, he didn't need medications, or any help, and that just because i worked in Mental Health, i was "bringing my work home" and making him a case study. Needless to say, he stopped all treatment, cold turkey. Within 2 months, it was back to him not working, and verbally and emotionally abusing myself, and at times, the children. I told him, we are over. He invited his mother over, to talk to me. She said to me, in front of him, that i was being stupid, and that i am just looking for a fight. That i should just do what a "good partner and mother" does, and shut up. We split for a few weeks, and i took him back. He did try. He worked, he focused on the kids, and we hardly ever fought. Then, we got pregnant again, and his mother decided to tell me once again i am an idiot and that i should just abort the "thing". And when i tried to tell him, he believed his mother of course. Whole lot has happened since then, but at the moment i am not talking to her, it has been three months. This is because, she goaded him and lied to him to the point that he and i had a massive fight, and i called the police- and i now have an AVO on him.She of course, blames me for this. I have so much that has happened between us in the last few months, and now she is wriggling her way back into our lives, and it has been amazing without her in it... what do i do? I know he is to blame, but she also makes it worse.

KyAn conflicted
  • replies: 2

Hello, the other night my partner came home from work. Lately he has been drinking a lot of beer and now he is coming home drinking small amount of beer, smoking weed and now has taken up smoking cigarettes again. We have been having problems due to ... View more

Hello, the other night my partner came home from work. Lately he has been drinking a lot of beer and now he is coming home drinking small amount of beer, smoking weed and now has taken up smoking cigarettes again. We have been having problems due to the excessive drinking and recently took up smoking weed with it. Not a good combo. Apart from our relationship issue, he has had issue with his family too. I see that his thinking is distorted. For the other night I came out of bedroom to say Can you please turn music down. In his heightened reply He says We need to talk. He feels I need to go back north for a while, as us living together isn't working out, or we will break up. I cried by saying I have been thinking same only short term thou, so I can see my mum and take a small break too. My partner is wanting his space and he doesn't want to bother me and he feels it will help our relationship. I said this is my home too and I do love it here. I really think his attitude has changed with us due to combo of weed and alcohol. As I notice these things do not last very long with him. I discussed further last night and he says Look just give it a try and if it works it works and if it doesn't then come back. I do want a break but want to feel I can be with my partner too, like he also wanting me to be here. I think he wants me gone for a while so he can go nuts on drinking, smoking weed, inviting people over, andhe is 38 years of age. I feel really conflicted with whats going on and starting to feel unwanted, and depressed, anxious of this. As last year our relationship very strained because of drinking. In Law of Attraction to focus on what I want and I have been. As I want my partner to come back to earth and want to be with me in a mature way.

MissMc MUM ISSUES and at breaking point :(
  • replies: 3

My mum lives with me and she's 72 yrs, I work fulltime and train 6 days a week which I love and is my outlet but over the past 3 weeks leading up to Xmas my work load became very unbearable and hectic and very very very stressful, as I work in the Re... View more

My mum lives with me and she's 72 yrs, I work fulltime and train 6 days a week which I love and is my outlet but over the past 3 weeks leading up to Xmas my work load became very unbearable and hectic and very very very stressful, as I work in the Retail Industry and with the forever abuse and insults from customers really pushed me to my bare limits, I'm now on holidays till nxt Weds well deserved am relaxing and enjoying my down time but with my mum becoming ever so lazy and will not contribute to household cleaning etc, all she does is sit and watch TV from the time she gets up, till the time she goes to bed have suggested for to go walking mornings and evenings but her words are IM NOT GOING TO BE PUSHED OUT OF MY HOME????? .. and theres no medical evidence for her not to contribute to the household chores, its becoming very stressful and hard for me to do the chores myself where she just sits there.... In the past with experience she can be very malipitive and very self centred and spiteful, she's all the time following and watching what I do in my own house and she even writes what I do in her diary?.... how do I know this I have looked in her diary, yes bad but!!!!! She also watching me with what I eat and she goes through the bins daily?????..... Its become stressful living in my own house and yes have had words to her about this but nothing, she knows what she is doing and how it is effecting me, but continues to be this way! my gut feeling is she wants me to be a slave to her and she causers trouble within the family in the past and present and thinks nothing of it, and from past experience she also a compulsive lier and plays the victim and in everyones business and doesn't respect boundries NO doctors wanna aknowledge that she might have a mental issue .....

Jorja25 Who can I turn to?
  • replies: 2

Hello This is my first thread I have suffered with depression for a couple of years on and off, this year (2017) has particularly been the hardest as my partner has been working away, due to his jealously and insecurity I've pretty much just stayed a... View more

Hello This is my first thread I have suffered with depression for a couple of years on and off, this year (2017) has particularly been the hardest as my partner has been working away, due to his jealously and insecurity I've pretty much just stayed at home alone for most of the year, go to work, come home, go to work, come home, and spent countless weekends sitting around the house to the point of becoming a zombie, a few weeks ago I asked a good friend I work with if everything was ok as she had seemed distant towards me for a while, her response was that I'm "to much of a downer" to be around, and that I need to stop thinking of myself because everyone goes through hard times, I understand where she was coming from but I ended up crying in the car on the way home due to feeling that one of my good friends could be so cruel instead of simply asking "is everything ok. About a week ago by partner pretty much said the samething, only he asked if he was the reason "I've changed" I said no because I don't want a fight, in some parts though it is. After having a close friend of 5 years push you away and a partner of 3 years, who can I turn to?

Lilliblue I have no idea what's going on....
  • replies: 1

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 15 years old, probably earlier. I spent many years self medicating with booze, drugs and sex. In the last year I've finally gotten myself medicated, it's helped a lot and evened me out quit... View more

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 15 years old, probably earlier. I spent many years self medicating with booze, drugs and sex. In the last year I've finally gotten myself medicated, it's helped a lot and evened me out quite a bit, however my anxiety is still there and my doctor is very hesitant to give me anti anxiety drugs because they can be very addictive and because I've had many struggles with addiction. Which leads me to what's been going on over the last couple of days.... I met someone after quite a long period of being single, 4 years in fact. He's a little younger than me, 5 years. We've been together for 4 months. Things have progressed quite quickly. That's probably not healthy in it's self, however, I've found myself smack bang in love. The thing I think I'm struggling with the most, personally, are my abandonment issues (Thanks Mum!). I find it really hard when he's away from me not to worry that he's never coming back. I'm currently in tangles of anxiety because he's been away for a couple of nights. He's kind of stranded where he is and he doesn't own a phone, so he's almost impossible to contact. His family get frustrated with me when I text or call to get hold of him, which creates more bullsh*t for me. He constantly reassures me that he's coming home. He's been very demonstrative in his love and affection but I just can't shake the feeling I'm going to end up alone again. It's there, it's constant and it's driving me crazy. I don't know how to let it go. I hate feeling this way. I'm a mess. I miss him terribly. Just writing this has put me in tears. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I think I just need a little reassurance that I'm not crazy.

mcl0014 i left home - help
  • replies: 2

this is to do with my relationship with my parental figures/guardians. long story short a lot of events have been leading up to this moment (over 6 months to a year of built up issues) because this situation is quite complicated. basically, I have be... View more

this is to do with my relationship with my parental figures/guardians. long story short a lot of events have been leading up to this moment (over 6 months to a year of built up issues) because this situation is quite complicated. basically, I have become so emotionally, mentally and physically run down because of the pressure I'm under from my parents. this is because I do everything for them, I cook and clean the house, look after my siblings all the time whenever I'm not working, and I'm working in the family business 24/7 not being payed the proper amount or being treated the same as any other employee there because of family ties. do everything under the sun to help support my family, I broke. the last straw was an argument I got into with my parents and they said some things to me that were extremely nasty and hurtful and left me home. so I turned around and phoned them up and explained I would be staying with another family relative for a few days to have some space, take a break and distress because I was at breaking point. however they didn't take it very well and then I was harassed with phone calls and texts, being accused and attacked and made to feel unimportant and that my feelings were wrong although they know my mental health history. its been 4 days now, and I'm going back home, and I don't know how to handle them. has anyone else experienced anything like this? if so I'm in need of urgent help and I need advice because I don't have a lot of support. in advance thankyou to everyone

Bennyh916 Need help please
  • replies: 12

Hey guys, i was just wondering if anyone is able to help me try to understand why I am the way I am with my girlfriend. i have treated her like she wasn’t good enough, made her feel unwanted, lied to her, hid things from her, over reacted and got ang... View more

Hey guys, i was just wondering if anyone is able to help me try to understand why I am the way I am with my girlfriend. i have treated her like she wasn’t good enough, made her feel unwanted, lied to her, hid things from her, over reacted and got angry with her questioning my lies to try to cover myself, I’ve pushedbher to breaking point and i know this is not who I wanted to be and I know I can change. I know I don’t like the person I am and I need to change for the better and I will do anything it takes to make sure that I’m not a selfish person who only thinks of myself and be everything she needs, wants and desires i love her so much but I feel like I’ve pushed her to noting breaking point and know she will leave me and never come back. I know I can be a better man for her and not make these mistakes again I cant keep doing these things and I don’t have anyone I can turn to to listen, Ive pushed away anyone who was close to me lost all my friends and I’m lost. I just can’t keep living like this guys. Please help me and any and all advice is taken seriously thanks heaps Ben

MsCJ Feeling lost and lonely
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have joined this as I have nowhere to go and no-one to talk to about the problems I have. Most days I struggle with life, I have a job that leaves me feeling totally drained and exhausted mainly from feeling overwhelmed with my work load and ex... View more

Hi, I have joined this as I have nowhere to go and no-one to talk to about the problems I have. Most days I struggle with life, I have a job that leaves me feeling totally drained and exhausted mainly from feeling overwhelmed with my work load and excluded and isolated from the other staff. Don't say "get another job" I have been trying for nearly 2 years now but as I am on the wrong side of 50 and already employed most employers won't even consider me. Also as I would need to give notice most employers want you to start 'now'. I have gotten short listed and even had some interviews to be passed over due to other applicants being available to start straight away. I have major struggles trying to get my wages to stretch to pay basic living costs, and when I find out that my ex husband who managed to get everything in our divorce has just himself something else it is upsetting. We were married for 23 yrs and I left the marriage as I know if I hadn't I would not be here today and I only managed to leave as my eldest son helped me as I couldn't see any way out I didn't have any money for bond or rent or anything and I didn't feel that I could go to anyone for help. He didn't hit me or be violent at all but now I know that what he did was make me feel useless and everything was my fault. I have no friends and I see on tv they say get out and join groups great idea but most cost money if only for fuel to get there so it's not an option I live in a rural area where the nearest town is 24 ks away. I lost my mum 3 years ago and she was the only person I had to talk to about my problems. My children are nearly all adults now as my youngest will be 18 in early 2018 and I can't talk with them about my problems they just want to be able to come to me with their problems. I am so over being the responsible one their dad barely had anything to do with them and I'm tired. I have struggled all my life to just get by, my mum had a very hard life and we lost her just when she believed her life might get better. Truly there are times when I just don't believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry for the long rant I just thought it might help to get some of it of my chest.