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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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SummerOz Parent In-laws over stepping the boundaries.
  • replies: 7

In the past, we have had issues where my parent in-laws are to involved in our life and over stepping boundaries. They use to have a say in everything we do, constantly forcing help onto us after numerous polite declines, being involved in decisions ... View more

In the past, we have had issues where my parent in-laws are to involved in our life and over stepping boundaries. They use to have a say in everything we do, constantly forcing help onto us after numerous polite declines, being involved in decisions that my husband and I should be making as a couple or parents. On one occasion, without even consulting us first, they had discussed between themselves that they would be having our kids for 3 days and us 4 days, for the next 2 weeks. Unprecedented. I lost my marbles. However, we addressed it with them, result was awkward but respectful. Since then, things have been good but my instincts tell me that they want to be more involved with our life. Then, this happens!!! My parents in-laws stay at my house for 2 nights to look after my children while hubby (their son) and I had to travel interstate. We have always had a guest room in our home, to make sure we can accommodate visitors with comfort and own space/bedroom. e.t.c . The guest room is immaculate, clean linen, wardrobe space e.t.c. All of our guests have stayed in this room and have never had a problem with it. When the parents in-laws arrived, they set themselves up in the guest room as normal. They have stayed at our house before, so they are familiar with our Guest Etiquette in our home. However this time, when we returned, my mother in-law told me that her and my father in-law slept in our bed without even asking if its ok or not. My mother in-law made comment that "some people can be funny about it". But they did it anyway. The bed and bedroom I share with my husband is our own private room, our own space. Its the only place on this earth that we share together and we don't have to share it with anyone else (expect our little ones for cuddles). I am really crept out by this, I actually cannot sleep in that room now or bed. They whole thing grosses me out. My husband doesn't see a problem with it, but he can see where I am coming from and how invasive it is for me. In particular knowing that my father in-law is ok with sleeping in his daughter in-laws bed without asking, is next level creepy. And he choose that over the allocated guest bed provided. Worst thing is, my mother in-law knew that not all people are ok with this sort of thing happening, but did it anyway. They claim to be simple people, respectful people, but I am really struggling with this. Lost all privacy. What next.

Afraid99 Feel like I need to be a secret.
  • replies: 2

Hey all so in the past I’ve had some pretty poor relationships. My first ever relationship was an affair ( please no judgment. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and I learnt a huge lesson) but being involved in an affair means a lot of secrecy. The man ... View more

Hey all so in the past I’ve had some pretty poor relationships. My first ever relationship was an affair ( please no judgment. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and I learnt a huge lesson) but being involved in an affair means a lot of secrecy. The man eventually left his wife but continued to keep me secret out of fear of upsetting her further..... for 6 years.... we only ever went to places if he was sure she wouldn’t be there. He would only come to my house after a certain time so he could be sure he wouldn’t be seen not being at his house. In reflection I know how rediculous it was. But at the time you’re in it, you don’t see it. Fast forward to today. A couple of nothing relationships later and I’ve started seeing a guy going through a divorce. All seems very above board. He’s very open that he is seeing people. But I’ve realized, I’ve viewed myself as still needing to be a secret. If I go to his house, I don’t park close by - it’s a small town that his ex still lives in an my mind tells me it will cause trouble if a car is seen at his house. Next he sent pictures to his friend of he and I together on the couch. And I nearly had a stroke to think people would know that he is seeing someone. Added to this is that I’m over weight and have little to no self esteem. My mind feels like everyone will judge him for dating ‘ the fat chick’. Obviously my weight is not a big issue for him, because he’s interested in me. It’s just my own issues making me feel like that. My whole life I’ve been told “ you could be really pretty if you lost some weight “ I am on strong anti D medication, we all know how hard it is to lose weight while taking that. Believe me I tried But I’d rarher be fat and happy rather than skinny and sad i went into the city to have lunch with the bloke in seeing. My eyes were darting everywhere looking to see if there was anyone we know, feeling anxious that we would be seen or ‘ caught together ‘. There is absolutely no reason our interaction needs to be a secret. I just don’t know how to change my mindset on this. Or the anxiety of possibly being seen with someone who actually does like me. I feel like this behavior is ingrained into me. And the poor bloke I’m seeing probably thinks I’m an irrational freak for parking my car so far away.

Flerne Sudden feelings of sadness and loneliness after returning home
  • replies: 5

Hi all, Im someone who only a year ago loved time alone and enjoyed my own company sometimes more than the company of others. I recently returned home from a lengthy solo trip overseas and have had sudden overwhelming feelings of loneliness even afte... View more

Hi all, Im someone who only a year ago loved time alone and enjoyed my own company sometimes more than the company of others. I recently returned home from a lengthy solo trip overseas and have had sudden overwhelming feelings of loneliness even after I have spent all day socialising. I would normally be up bright and early every morning and now since returning home I choose to sleep in and feel fatigued all the time. I find myself sobbing when I think of being alone or knowing I have a few days ahead of me without any plans to socialise. Im suddenly terrified of not having people around me 24/7 and dont like feeling as though i suddenly need others around me to keep me feeling content. I have tried to talk to my family who have all had their own moments with their mental health seeking support but no one knows what to say or how to address the issue. I live with my roommate who is a shift worker and her not being home many nights of the week gives me anxiety about coming home to an empty house. I have no clue where these sudden lonely feelings have stemmed from and would like to hear from others if they have ever experienced this before.

James09 When do I stop trying to do thing for myself and just expect that I will never put myself first.
  • replies: 3

I m husband,father, worker, and trying to be a student. The student part is something that I really want for myself as I feel that continual learning is important. However, I am on my second attempt to study and find even with my best plans i have no... View more

I m husband,father, worker, and trying to be a student. The student part is something that I really want for myself as I feel that continual learning is important. However, I am on my second attempt to study and find even with my best plans i have no time. I can't not be work because i have to pay bills etc. we are not in a position that we can can send our children to child care and i can't not give my wife a couple hours of my time on the weekend, which is the only time we can have. I started my studies and got weeks in advance started assessments, reading and research. Now I am three lectures behind an assessment due in four days (without a legitimate reason to request an assessment). to complete the assessment i know have to get home from work midnight study til 6 sleep for 3 hrs if my son lets me til i have to hand it in. Anxiety through the roof depression its best friend well on it way. No time to talk to any one because that and this chew study time that cause more anxiety. I know there is no simple answer and that I should do something for myself but how?

Penny743 Overanalysing in a relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi guys! I've recently started to see someone (just under 2 months now) and it's been going great. It's just casual at the moment, but I tend to overanalyse every little thing, and worry that this will turn out just like my past relationships. Someti... View more

Hi guys! I've recently started to see someone (just under 2 months now) and it's been going great. It's just casual at the moment, but I tend to overanalyse every little thing, and worry that this will turn out just like my past relationships. Sometimes if I don't hear from him for a couple of hours, my mind goes straight to thinking that he's lost interest in me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I've tried occupying myself with work and other activities which make me feel good, but I go straight into feeling anxious and stressed as soon as it's done. I also tend to think that the worst will happen. I just don't want this potential relationship to end up like my past ones. If anybody has got any tips or has experienced a similar situation, I would love to hear how you coped with the anxiety and worry of a new relationship. Thanks

Jussy Seperated and living together
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am a bit lost tonight and thought I would share my story so far. I have bipolar and my life has been up and down, when I am manic I wouldn't be easy to live and my wife who I have been with for 14 years has endured her fair share of it... View more

Hi everyone, I am a bit lost tonight and thought I would share my story so far. I have bipolar and my life has been up and down, when I am manic I wouldn't be easy to live and my wife who I have been with for 14 years has endured her fair share of it. Today she announced that as of today we are separated and she will start dating although apparently she has not met anyone yet. It is hard for me to accept as I still love her and want our marriage to work - particularly as we have two boys and I don't want to miss out on seeing them every day. I don't have anywhere to go so she kindly suggested we live together while separated. As well as suffering from bipolar I get bouts of depression and anxiety so I am concerned how i am going to handle these changes, particularly how I will cope living together if she starts dating someone. Maybe I missed the signs, but I don't know what to do.. any advice would be most helpful. Thanks

tdpat stepkids
  • replies: 6

Ive been feeling real low and stressed out dealing with the eldest step son. Always talking back, complaining about everything and we dont do anything for him. It used to never bother me until this year to the point i feel like breaking down or walki... View more

Ive been feeling real low and stressed out dealing with the eldest step son. Always talking back, complaining about everything and we dont do anything for him. It used to never bother me until this year to the point i feel like breaking down or walking out. Other areas of my life are good, i have a good job that pays well enough that she doesnt have to work fulltime so she can look after the youngest who has cystic fibrosis (very healthy most of the time). Working on getting a boat ready for summer. But i always feel guilty about the eldest step son, He was 9 and the youngest was 2 when i moved in. I have a great relationship with the youngest step son but my relationship is toxic with the eldest. I treat both kids the same, but the eldest complains i play favorites cause he misbehaves more and being 14 now we expect him to work for things like new playstation controler or fix his ipod or laptop that he breaks when he gets mad. Just wondering if there are any other stepdads in the same boat

Rengar I Don't Know What I Should Do About Her
  • replies: 9

Just over a month ago my girlfriend of 6 months and I decided to break up for the time being due to her depression, anxiety, our own personal issues, and the busy year ahead of her with last year of uni. Upon first breaking up, we had said to each ot... View more

Just over a month ago my girlfriend of 6 months and I decided to break up for the time being due to her depression, anxiety, our own personal issues, and the busy year ahead of her with last year of uni. Upon first breaking up, we had said to each other that this was simply so she could find herself again so that in future she can be a better partner to me. However, I very quickly started to think this was a mistake and that this break up was not as easy as I first thought it would be. Over the past month, my health and overall quality of life has been becoming worse each day. I am not getting enough sleep and I cannot eat without getting sick because there is a tight feeling in my chest/stomach region all the time, and the only time it seems to go away is when I’m with her again. The break up isn't a complete cut off of communication, and I think that is what has made it very difficult. She wishes to remain friends so that she has someone to come to when she needs it, as she doesn't have anyone else like that in her life apart from her psychologist. We’ve gone out together to movies and dinners plenty of times since the break up, but this has just made it more difficult to say goodbye after each time. I’ve been taking her out as if they are dates. I pay for everything and I’ve been buying her gifts; I’ve been trying to win her back. Unfortunately it all seems to go to waste as I end up bringing up my feelings about how I want her back so badly and it frequently ends up with both of us in tears. I have been clinging onto every little bit of hope possible. Even something as little as our snapchat streak is something that has me holding on, praying that she will take me back in the near future. I’ve told her how I feel, and how my life is falling apart, but she still refuses, saying it hasn’t been long enough. She is scared that she will bring me down with her illness, she won't have enough time for me, and that we are going to end up fighting and our relationship will end up in the dumps. It doesn’t matter how much I tell her that I am prepared to be with her through her depression and anxiety, how I’m prepared for the fact that she won’t have much time for me, and that I won’t let meaningless arguments ruin our relationship. She doesn’t seem to believe me. I am tired of crying, being exhausted, and getting sick. I’d rather not have to cut ties with her, she is a really lovely girl and I love her so much, but I’m tired of being upset.

Lirah My anxiety is tearing apart my relationship with my partner.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm 21 years old and my anxiety has been really flared up the last month or so. Its having a really negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend (been together 1 year, known him for 6) because I have a tendency to take everything out on h... View more

Hi, I'm 21 years old and my anxiety has been really flared up the last month or so. Its having a really negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend (been together 1 year, known him for 6) because I have a tendency to take everything out on him. I'm completely in love with him but its becoming so easy to use him as a means of relieving my stress. Even tiny little things that he does that might be slightly inconsiderate sets off my anxiety and I become so angry and upset with him. I also feel I've become such high maintenance and so needy - because he cant even go to social events without me messaging him halfway through because I am having a panic attack and really don't want to be alone. Its getting to the point where his friends are accusing me of using it to emotionally manipulate him. I really don't mean to be, but its a very horrible thought for someone to say. I think it would be better for him to not be with me when I'm so unstable but I'm so scared of losing him. He's starting to get impatient with my anxious episodes and I feel like he's slipping away. Guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship when you're not in a healthy mental space.

Rach07 My husband wants to separate
  • replies: 2

After knowing him for 12 years, being married for 5, my husband wants to separate from me because he wants to pursue his own interests. I’m at a loss as to why he would feel like he would need to cut me loose just because he needs to pursue his inter... View more

After knowing him for 12 years, being married for 5, my husband wants to separate from me because he wants to pursue his own interests. I’m at a loss as to why he would feel like he would need to cut me loose just because he needs to pursue his interests. I have asked if there’s someone else, he claims there isn’t. He said it doesn’t feel fair on me for him to do his own thing while leaving me behind. I have supported him through a long distance relationship for 2 years, now that he’s back, he wants to separate. I’m at a very low point right now. I don’t know how to function without him. I’ve managed to convince him to stay in the house. I’m trying to compromise but how much more I can take without losing myself I don’t know. I don’t ant to lose him. I don’t know how to live without him being mentally and emotionally there for me. I know I’ll be an empty shell without him. Please.. advice?