Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_2290 Feel silly and lonely
  • replies: 2

Hi, I dont know how to start this so ill just come out with it. Ive fallen for and cant get over my best friend. Ive never been with her and the whole time ive had feelings for her(over 12 months now) she has had a boyfriend. They now have a 2 month ... View more

Hi, I dont know how to start this so ill just come out with it. Ive fallen for and cant get over my best friend. Ive never been with her and the whole time ive had feelings for her(over 12 months now) she has had a boyfriend. They now have a 2 month old baby together and I hardly see her anymore and we only chat through phone calls or text but still I cant get over her...Over the last few days I stopped myself from texting and phoning her or commenting on any of her social media posts(not the first time I have done this) but I just feel guilty that im doing wrong by a friend and I always end up texting or calling her. I feel ridiculous, frustrated and annoyed at myself because I have never been with her, never even kissed her and even though im distancing myself and our lives are going in totally different directions, I still cant get over her. I have tried dating websites and going to parties and social outings with other mates but with no luck...

Sharmeen Never Felt Close to Anyone Except One
  • replies: 3

Hello Everyone, I am 24 year old, female and moved to Australia about a year ago. I have felt lonely pretty much most of my life. I had a bad childhood, I was sexually abused. I could never tell anyone, not even my family. I was sometimes beaten up b... View more

Hello Everyone, I am 24 year old, female and moved to Australia about a year ago. I have felt lonely pretty much most of my life. I had a bad childhood, I was sexually abused. I could never tell anyone, not even my family. I was sometimes beaten up by my father and those are the only memories I have of my childhood. I have never felt any attachment with my parents, never miss them nor do I miss any of my friends in the past. I feel I am stuck in the time where those bad incidences of my childhood took place. I still cry about those times, get dreams about them. I talk to my dad normally just superficial. I feel I can never forgive him and also my mom for never protecting me. I always resist people. Never want to get any close to anyone. I can't make a conversation of more than a min with any of them. In fact, I can't make a personal conversation with anyone. This is the first time I am even talking about this. I met this amazing man about 5 years ago. We both love each other like anything but I can't speak my heart out to him even after spending a long time with him. But i guess at this time I am resisting him too. I push him away all the time, say rude things on his face when I know I do not mean them. I no more enjoy sex . In fact, I hate it when he touches me. I feel disgusted and also sometimes I him back to push him away. I am okay with cuddling but when he tries something more than that, I resist. In my head I think does he just want this from me? I never get a desire to have sex on the other hand. I know he loves me but I feel I am hiding so much from him that I am not myself. He sleeps just next to me and I am still lonely. It is hard to believe but I feel I have not experienced happiness for a very long time. I have read a lot about depression and have done many online test for it. I am not sure how should I tell my GP or how do I even start a conversation? I feel like I am stuck at that very place where those bad things happened. I thought I will move places and I will be better but I am still stuck there. Just want to know if this is a medical condition or I have to live with this forever? I want to make things work with this person because he is only one I care about, only one whom I miss, only one I feel attached to. I hope reading other's opinions may give me a start and I could lead a happy life or at least take a step toward making my life better.

No_Grey_Areas Contact with Ex Wife - never while I am around
  • replies: 9

We've been married for a year and half (both second marriages). He has two adult children (27 and 30 year old). Hubby and I have had some huge big ugly arguments over his texting to his ex wife. He has let her know I am uncomfortable with it and I ha... View more

We've been married for a year and half (both second marriages). He has two adult children (27 and 30 year old). Hubby and I have had some huge big ugly arguments over his texting to his ex wife. He has let her know I am uncomfortable with it and I have seen texts to him in which she highlights how texting will get him into trouble - but then proceeds to text or text a time for a call. I have told hubby that he should never discuss my issues/ insecurities with his ex/ another woman!!! NEVER. She knows how I feel: yet continues to. We had a huge big ugly argument over the texting recently: it's never when I am around. No contact at all when I am around. Always when I am at work or out of home. In the recent argument, I told husband to let me in - let me know when he wants to contact her, about what or that she has made contact with him. Although it will be uncomfortable, at least it is not hidden. Step daughter (who the mum lives with) totally snubbed me at family get together and started a conversation with her Dad: Mum said she had messaged you...... It felt like a double whammy. The daughter will know that I have a contact issue with the ex (living with mum and all), and yet chose to bring it up at that time. Husband did NOT tell me of any contact - yet we agreed he would...... I felt like a huge outsider sitting with his family at the table. Everything stopped.... I had to walk away and did not return to table (went home). Am I wrong for feeling like an outsider? He seems to have made it clear that I am not in his family; yet encourages me to gatherings.... why? Why did step daughter do this! She knew full well the issues we have with her mum contacting her dad..... I am mad, hurt and want to walk away from it all. Hubby says I am treating him like poo. PS: he then told me what ex had texted, but only because it had come to light. He had NO intention of telling me otherwise (he even deleted text evidence from his phone).

kath92 Literally feeling like there's no hope.
  • replies: 4

Hi all, new to beyondblue - I have tried everything and am at wits end so thought maybe venting to strangers and hearing other stories might shed some light on my situation. My baby daddy and I have recently split up - due to my anger, unfaithfulness... View more

Hi all, new to beyondblue - I have tried everything and am at wits end so thought maybe venting to strangers and hearing other stories might shed some light on my situation. My baby daddy and I have recently split up - due to my anger, unfaithfulness, lying, drinking and all round abusivness towards him. We have an almost 2 year old who we have shared custody, she lives with me he has her twice a week. He's a wonderful dad and a great man whom I don't want to lose. After our daughter goes to bed I tend to self medicate and have some wine, which I know isn't healthy (for me because I'm starting to abuse it) I find I have suppressed anger from incidents as a child (both my parents are alcoholics) and my failing relationship with my child's father. I am on medication which I feel does Near to nothing for me and another medication for epilepsy although I feel it makes me angry which is strange as it's used as a mood disorder medication. It also makes me so tired and I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Last night I had been drinking and was so angry over bills, not being able to find work.. my ex came over and we chatted and I started getting angry so he left. This made me angrier and I rang him and said "if you don't come back I am going to strangle our daughter". I am so deeply ashamed to even type those words, I am so ashamed to even repeat them and am most certainly never going to hurt my child. I love my daughter so much and I honestly see myself as a great mother. I would NEVER hurt her, can't even imagine doing something so insane as that, but I said it because I was angry, wanting my way and because I am a spoilt BRAT. My ex did cheat on me and I have suppressed feelings about that. I use it against him and in this case I used our daughter against him and I am so disgusted and realise that is it something to throw around and say. I am embarrassed and I hate myself. I say this as I think that's what my problem is? I have OCD, I check my daughter and her breathing every hour... my psychiatrist doesn't listen to me he insists I'm fine but these thoughts or threats to get my way are not normal! I feel crazy

Missberri Losing relationships
  • replies: 6

Hi, I'm not sure if this is that much of a problem but it's been effecting me a lot lately so I wanted to get some advice. Lately I feel like I've been very alone.. and I dont know how it's making me feel. I've been studying at uni and working so muc... View more

Hi, I'm not sure if this is that much of a problem but it's been effecting me a lot lately so I wanted to get some advice. Lately I feel like I've been very alone.. and I dont know how it's making me feel. I've been studying at uni and working so much and it's been keeping me so busy that I haven't even noticed that I just haven't been spending any time with anyone lately. I'm starting to feel kind of miserable.. like I'm just working and studying then working then studying it's like i have almost no enjoyment in my life. I used to be really really close with a few of my friends. Recently, my closest friend left to go to Pakistan and get married and I have no idea when he's coming back and honestly I'll probably never see him again because we both loved each other but it can obviously never go anywhere. Aaand that makes me feel pretty upset.. He hasn't been in contact with me much for the past few months since he knew he was going to get married and he hasn't contacted me at all since he left. It's just been really difficult not having him to talk to anymore.. A few of my other friends I feel are starting to pull away from me too.. which really sucks. I have one friend who I used to see all the time and he always used to text and call me, but lately he just hasn't really bothered. I didn't talk to him for about 2 weeks thinking he went out of the state to visit his family to find out he was here the entire time! He never even told me he came back! He just told me hes been so busy that he didn't tell me.. And it sucks because i thought i was starting to get feelings for him and now it feels like he doesn't even care. A few of my other friends I feel have been acting this way towards me as well and I dont know what to do about it. I feel as if I'm just boring now because all i do is work and study and they dont want to be around me.. I'm starting to feel anxious now whenever I'm around them because I feel like I'm not being entertaining enough and im just messing the friendships up even more.. It's just making me feel really down and really empty and not like myself.. I just wish I knew how to tell if any of them still care about me and if there's anything i can do to fix things because I dont want to keep losing people I know it all sounds really stupid but i just dont want to lose people i care about and i really dont know what to do

River_storm He left but now wants to come back
  • replies: 7

Hi, First time posting, my expartner and I have a daughter together who is 4, we both have children from previous relationships. Been together for 5.5years. He had left me about 11months ago and then we got back together a couple of months after that... View more

Hi, First time posting, my expartner and I have a daughter together who is 4, we both have children from previous relationships. Been together for 5.5years. He had left me about 11months ago and then we got back together a couple of months after that and moved into a new place however, he left me for what I thought was for good again 3 months ago and is now saying he has changed his mind and realises how he can't live without me and the kids and that he is a new man and can see the error in his ways... But he wasn't emotionally available when I needed him this last time and I honestly thought he was certain it was over. I have in the last couple of months managed to pull myself together to get by the days but now that he has said he wants me back it's bought back my depression and anxiety. My family have had enough of seeing me in tears everytime he leaves or something is said, they don't want to see me go through it again. Yes I still love him but how do I know that he isn't just lonely and realises he has no one to come home too. I'm scared to make the wrong decision. He cries and messages me to say he can't cope and says he has no one to talk to only me... I've remained strong but it's taking its toll. I don't like to hurt people's feelings especially the ones you love but I feel pressured even when I've asked for time for myself. He sees the children and myself at the house for tea one night a week. He has the children 1 weekend a fortnight but he also sees me in that time. I have depended on him for my own happiness and contact each other daily.

Dillz1 Confused- depressed boyfriend.
  • replies: 7

Hi all, My boyfriend has just recently told me that he suffers from depression due to a few things that have happened in his life. Last week he messaged me saying he was having a bad day and didn't know if a relationship is what he wanted at the mome... View more

Hi all, My boyfriend has just recently told me that he suffers from depression due to a few things that have happened in his life. Last week he messaged me saying he was having a bad day and didn't know if a relationship is what he wanted at the moment and asked for space and told me he would speak to me the following day. I gave him space and the next day he was more willing to speak about it and told me he has gone through a similar thing before and not to take anything personally, and asked me to go to his. I went to his and he was quiet but willing to talk and told me about his past experiences, treatment, therapy.. I told him I was there for him no matter what and he was grateful. The next few days he was detached but still speaking, Friday night we did our usual date night and although it was hard to get him out once he was out it was ok. Sat and sun he turned his phone off and went away to clear his head. Monday he was not ok and didn't really want to speak. Today he has gotten more bad news which has put him in a worse place, he is now saying that all this isn't fair on me and I deserve to be happy. I told him I want to be there for him and will be there no matter what but he says it just isn't fair on me. He also said he is going to turn his phone off and not talk to anyone for a while. I don't know what I can and should do in this case, but I really want to be there for him. Please if anyone has any advice or similar situations I would be extremely grateful.

So_stuck_and_sad I stuffed my life up. So bad..
  • replies: 3

I was in a relationship that felt so right and I thought it would last forever.. A few years in and my feelings started to change. He did and said things that made me feel not good enough etc - I wont bore you with the entire story. I ended up cheati... View more

I was in a relationship that felt so right and I thought it would last forever.. A few years in and my feelings started to change. He did and said things that made me feel not good enough etc - I wont bore you with the entire story. I ended up cheating, and leaving for someone else. I feel like its the biggest mistake of my life. The person I left for is amazing.. So so good to me. But because of what I did the whole situation just doesnt sit right, no matter how good he is to me. My ex doesnt know I cheated but says he cant forgive me for leaving him and hurting him. I dont know who I want to be with. Not being with my ex feels so wrong. I feel like my life is empty without him. But I do love the person I am with now. I know I dotn deserve to be with either of them after what I did. How do I get over this? I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. Who does that to someone they love?

Jem22 BPD breakup
  • replies: 5

Hello, I broke up with my BPD partner two weeks ago. I have seeked counselling and read a lot of forums online and I know no contact is the best way forward for both of us. However, we work together. We see each other every day and I've spent the las... View more

Hello, I broke up with my BPD partner two weeks ago. I have seeked counselling and read a lot of forums online and I know no contact is the best way forward for both of us. However, we work together. We see each other every day and I've spent the last week with him trying every opportunity to speak to me, corner me in the lunchroom, follow me outside, constantly at my desk, asking me for one last chance... I felt like everyday was Groundhog Day. Whilst the relationship has been over in my head for quite some time, I am now feeling very anxious. I'm afraid of his reactions. I have to keep things professional at work but I'm suffering with just "taking" whatever abuse or hurtful comment he wants to throw at me. That's what the relationship has been. He knows I would never jeopardise my career or make a scene at work, so he can do what he wants. I'm worried about leaving the house. I don't feel my work is qualified to deal with the severity of the situation, I also don't know if I should tell work that he suffers from BPD so they understand it's not a "normal" breakup. I have had several heated comments with him to explain the I feel harassed and he has said he will stop. But I've heard that before and he never does. Any suggestions how I can move forward and survive this in one piece? Thanks

jords22 support
  • replies: 1

My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us chi... View more

My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us children (i have an older sister and younger brother). After a couple of years of being MIA he decided he wanted back in our lives and Mum didn't object to that. He saw us every other weekend but his girlfriend was still in the picture. I never liked the girlfriend, she always tried to be my mum and i had no interest in her taking on that role. Dad and i had a big blow up over my dislike for her but we worked out our issues. A couple years passed and they broke up anyways. Dad was single for maybe a year or so then moved on to the next girl. Whilst he was single he was much more present in our lives and actually enjoyed spending time with us. His current girlfriend didn't start off too bad, but as the relationship has continued she has brought her daughter into our lives. I didn't have an issue with this initially but as the daughter got more involved in my dad's life my hate for them grew. Dad was a much better father to her than he ever was to us. Dad never came to any school events and even missed my sister's graduation because he couldn't be bothered. This started to drive a wedge between my father and I. I had always hated watching dad be with other women cause all i remember of him being with my mum was him treating her terribly, verbally abusing her almost every night of the week. But then i see him with these other women; being very sweet and romantic, and i wonder why he wasn't or couldn't be like that with my mother and maybe if he was then they would still be together. As i wanted to have a relationship with my dad, i always make the effort every second week or so (when we both have time) to have a lunch with him. Our most recent lunch ended terribly. It ended with him saying to "F*** off and that he never wants to F***ing see me again". He shouted at me for over an hour, dropping the F bomb every second word calling me a names in the middle of a restaurant. I don't know what i am supposed to do or how i am supposed to bounce back from this. What if that is the last time i ever see him again