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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kayd1973 Recently found out I was adopted in 1973! Confused - very complex
  • replies: 10

So my natural father died 2 years ago and told me in a letter (which I got after his death and didn't bother reading until 2 months ago) that he was my natural father but my mother wasn't my mother. This is the story. In 1972 my father 33 years old a... View more

So my natural father died 2 years ago and told me in a letter (which I got after his death and didn't bother reading until 2 months ago) that he was my natural father but my mother wasn't my mother. This is the story. In 1972 my father 33 years old at the time, got a 14 yo pregnant. Small country town. For whatever reason my fathers wife, who already had two children to him - a girl and a boy, agreed to fake a pregnancy and raise me as her own. When I was born my father and his wife were put on my birth certificate. So I was never formally adopted - my birth certificate was forged. Unbeknown to my "new mum", my father had her best friend pregnant as well. My new mother left and took the three of us away. She then tried to adopt me out but my father wouldn't sign the adoption papers! So I was raised with my "new mum" and her "new husband". I found out that he wasn't my father when I was 9. I always knew something was wrong. My "mum" treated me so differently to my older sister and all my life I have wondered why she didn't love me. I am not the only one that sees it. It is very obvious. So now I know my "mum" has lied to me all my life. I finally met my natural father when I was 16 and had an on again off again relationship with him till he died 2 years ago. I have suffered all my life with depression due to my "mums" treatment of me and abuse suffered at the hands of my step-father. So, I have managed to track down my birth mother and have spoken to her on a number of occasions. I have also spoken to her dad on the phone - he is dying and wants to meet me but I have said no. Over the years I have had counselling and felt I had finally resolved my "issues". Then I was hit with all of this. My relationship with my "mum" is fractured as is with my two other siblings. We went through so much trauma at the hands of my step-father that we have all built walls and I know that there is no way I can tell any of them about this. The thought of meeting my birth mother is filling me with total dread - it is bringing up so many issues. I have had 3 terrible parents. I have managed despite that to build a life for myself and have beautiful children. I am worried - terrified meeting her will bring up all the past and leave me wide open to another break down. I am not sure if there is other adoptees out there who have been through these mixed feelings. Reaching out in the hope that someone can give me some advise or words of wisdom!

Georgia1 Them,him, her, me
  • replies: 2

So this will be my first post outside my introductory 1 so bare with me whilst I try to explain my situation as I'm not sure as to what I am expecting by telling you about this all but am sure I need to get it off my chest..it's complicated to say th... View more

So this will be my first post outside my introductory 1 so bare with me whilst I try to explain my situation as I'm not sure as to what I am expecting by telling you about this all but am sure I need to get it off my chest..it's complicated to say the least. Recently there has been a divide between my family & it keeps coming full circle and landing at my door with every lie told by others. I don't lie. I moved back to my home town , prior to this there has been a death that has hit our family hard - so much has changed within our family. My mother & siblings seem to have changed for the worst with me "feeling" like I am on the crappy end of the stick for the most part of it, with the rest of the family seemingly a bit disconnected & also lost in their grief. So to try explain how these lies & behaviours that have come full circle to my door i need to make you all aware of how it landed on my mat to start with- firstly I am opinionated and have been bought up to stand up for what I believe in. I am emotionally strong but this has all made me want to walk away. I had an opinion about this following situation - it got blown out of proportion. I have some how ended losing (if that's the proper word for it) I don't feel very good to say the least. My brother & his partner are gay hence needing a surrogate. They found 1 luckily & chose her with little thought of her moral standing. I have warning to them- I know this women well & am aware of her less desirable past and current behaviours - much to her & my brothers disgust. Hence their reasoning for keeping everything including the actual pregnancy from me. There are things that I know that would have changed their mind about utilising her offer. They also are under the opinion that Because I am unable to have more children that makes me apparently poor equiped to deal or contribute positively to this situation in their eyes. This judgement is unfair. This women has spun lies to my family , and successfully til now. My siblings/mother were asked to keep the game pregnancy a secret from me & the fact that it wasn't my brothers dna so to not rock the boat and her to ensure a smooth sail. All the while condemning & ostrisizing me from anything to do with them. I called them out on lies & it got worse for me & my young son. I felt & feel left out of our normally close knit family . I don't know how to help my situation or if I really want to be apart of this ugliness anymore - Help guys ;(

The_Possum My harassing friend
  • replies: 5

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, and gave told only three close friends I can trust. My friends have been supportive, check in on me daily and are positive... All except one friend... I've been friends with this person for about 15 year... View more

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, and gave told only three close friends I can trust. My friends have been supportive, check in on me daily and are positive... All except one friend... I've been friends with this person for about 15 years but she is making me feel worse and harassing me. She calls my mobile a few times a day and when we talk it's all negative and doom and gloom making me feel worse to a point that when I hang up im literally crying. I've taken to not picking up the phone when I see its her as I don't want to hear what she has to say. She spins my anxiety out honestly. This just makes her call mordant more. I put a Facebook status up saying 'sorry all my phone is in for repair please send an email if you need to contact me' This is purely directed at her. She still constantly rings. and when she rings she doesn't leave voicemails, messages and no emails - "it's just constant calling my phone and hanging up. I can't tell her that she is making matters worse for me because she gets easily offended and always believed she is correct. She's always been this way and I don't have the energy for some kind of argument. I also don't want to dissolve our 15 year friendship either. Hence the avoidance tactic but the phone constantly ringing is driving me mad. It's all day. Any suggestions?

M412769 Lost hurt heartbroken
  • replies: 2

He'll if anyone's there I need help I'm so depressed rite know my head is spinning out of control don't no what to do help

He'll if anyone's there I need help I'm so depressed rite know my head is spinning out of control don't no what to do help

SouperDad Help! Long distance family relationship problem
  • replies: 4

I come from a family where alcohol abuse, and abuse in general, occurred. I'm now in my mid 30-s and have a 2 year old boy. In my past, I used to drink too much alcohol and act like a dick. My family always saw me as a black sheep, and abit of a joke... View more

I come from a family where alcohol abuse, and abuse in general, occurred. I'm now in my mid 30-s and have a 2 year old boy. In my past, I used to drink too much alcohol and act like a dick. My family always saw me as a black sheep, and abit of a joke. I moved interstate a few years ago, and long story short my gf got knocked up and we had a kid. I eventually got my shit together and quit alcohol/cigs 12 months ago, as I feel a tremendous responsibility for my son. Unfortunately, my family refuse to see/believe the new "me". I try to explain to them that we never really "knew" each other really, since we only saw eachother 2 or 3 times a year (we live interstate), and all they say those 2/3 times was the "drunk" me. I tried to reach out to them individually, but was dissapointed with the response I got. I believe that they used to use me as an excuse for adressing their own problems and alcohol issues, and get the sense (from my father especially) that my not-drinking makes him uncomfortable (for obvious reasons to me) I find it hurtful that my son has to see his father be disrespected by his family like this, and feel dissapointed that I've been cast into some person in their heads that they think I am, but is far from the truth. Any advice would be HIGHLY appreciated thanks guys

ReachOut Struggling in relationship with depressed partner and need advice
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication. I'm at a stage where I just don't kn... View more

Hi everyone, In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication. I'm at a stage where I just don't know what to do anymore and hoping some advice might give me the support I need to either find ways to better care for myself in our relationship, or to leave. Some of the time, our relationship is great. We love spending time with each other and we've talked about plans for our future. We have lots of fun and I get along well with his friends and family. His depression is always evident though. He has lots of negative thoughts, often doesn't want to attend events etc with me (or even leave the couch) and our sex life is non-existent. But I've learnt to accept those things and still want this. I've done lots of reading/ talking with others about depression. It's whenever depression hits him really hard that we have problems. When that happens, he completely ignores that I exist. There have been many times that I've been ignored for weeks or months at a time. (But he only ignores me- he's completely normal with everyone else). When he resumes contact, he acts as if nothing has happened. I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to so I find myself treading on eggshells for fear of the cycle repeating. But regardless of what I do/ say/ don't say, he still decides to ignore me every so often and I'm left completely distraught. Currently I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks. I've tried to call/ text and when he hasn't responded I've done my best to be patient and give him time and space. But it's driving me crazy. My emotions are all over the place, a lot of pain, anger and lots of questions running through my head, eg what have I done now? Then I get spurts of trying to be positive and find the strength to push through it. But I'm finding myself completely stuck and I'm not able to do anything to help the situation or myself. It's started to take its toll on my mental and physical health, I'm feeling anxious socially (especially with any mutual friends) and I'm not sleeping or eating properly which is affecting my work life too. Within the 2 years we've been together, I'd say this silent treatment thing has probably happened about 10 times, and it seems to be happening more frequently the longer we go on. I love him and I want us to work out but not sure what to do anymore. Any thoughts?

Mangomagic How to support my brother who is struggling to support his wife who wont seek help
  • replies: 9

My brother and his wife have been having difficulties for a number of years now. its hard because he is quite isolated living in a different country where English is not the first language. My sister in law has threatened suicide, get angry with the ... View more

My brother and his wife have been having difficulties for a number of years now. its hard because he is quite isolated living in a different country where English is not the first language. My sister in law has threatened suicide, get angry with the kids if she thinks they are having more fun with my brother. This happens so much now that my bro feels he needs to distance himself from his kids so they are not targeted. She has finally agreed to marriage counselling this year but keeps on saying stuff like my brother is the reason why she threatens suicide. She probably believes this to be the case. And its hard for me because we are so far that im not quite sure whats going on at home. All i know my bro is developing anxiety, he walks around on egg shells trying not to upset her (so conversation around the big issue is zero). I am only getting my bro side of the story. But i think this relationship is very toxic and my bro self esteem is diminishing by the day. I feel like my sister in law is being very selfish and playing victim. I am aware i do not know the whole story but i think my brother will be happier if he leaves her in the long run but i know they have a very codependent relationship and his worried about the kids. His currently not a citizen of the country of residence and worried about gaining custody. we advised him to try get citizenship to strengthen his case and talk to a lawyer to know his rights. not to file for divorce but just to know what the lay of the land is if it gets to that. In the mean time we advised him to talk to his wife and tell her how he is feeling. Im worried about him and i know we are so far away that the support isn't really there as if he was in the same country. but just wanted to know is there anything else people would recommend to help support him to make the best decision whether that is try and work on the relationship ( although its been like this for approx > 5yrs and getting worse not better) its a big scary decision to make . I would appreciate any advice

Turtle81 I'm here because I want to take my mind off my separation
  • replies: 4

Hello, This is my first post and just going through the process of signing up has focused my mind and stopped the constant thoughts. My husband and I have had problems for a long time. Tonight his words seemed very final to me and the realization has... View more

Hello, This is my first post and just going through the process of signing up has focused my mind and stopped the constant thoughts. My husband and I have had problems for a long time. Tonight his words seemed very final to me and the realization has hit that he no longer loves me anymore and has finally let me go. It has been something I have wanted for a long time but the reality isn't that great. I've been crying hysterically tonight as I just feel so alone. I'm trying to be strong as I feel everyone expects me to be ok and I do portray that to the world. However inside I am dying. I feel my friends don't really get it and have even said I'm seeking attention when I say no to social events. So I've just stopped talking about how I really feel. No one gets it. I don't want to even get out of bed tomorrow I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to death. Yet I have work and a gorgeous two year old son who I love dearly. He's all that keeps me going lately. Anyway thanks for listening and taking my mind off things for awhile. . I just felt the need to say it...somewhere. .I'm not ok. But when people ask I say Im fine but I'm not. I'm alone and unhappy. And I really miss him. But have to let him go. How do people get past the overwhelming pain and lonliness when I'm finding my friends so unappealing right now.?

-e Toxic relationship with Mother.
  • replies: 3

I've recently come into a situation where I am back living in my parents home. I'm 24 and before now I had lived out of home for 4 years, part of that time overseas. I am actively looking to move out but given I'm a full time student, money is an iss... View more

I've recently come into a situation where I am back living in my parents home. I'm 24 and before now I had lived out of home for 4 years, part of that time overseas. I am actively looking to move out but given I'm a full time student, money is an issue at the moment. I have always had issues with my mother and it's gotten extremely bad since I've moved back in with her. She is controlling and overly critical of everything I do. She makes constant comments about what I eat, where I eat, how lazy I am etc. I tried speaking to a therapist about this but haven't been back since my Mum started contacting my therapist looking for information that I wasn't willing to share with her. She has even ruined relationships by being extremely intrusive. I'm trying everything to avoid these encounters and not give her a reason to be so critical and controlling but it doesn't seem to be working. I've tried limiting how much we speak to avoid any arguements or criticism but this seems to make things worse. I feel so guilty for not getting on with her and for wanting to cut ties. But I feel I'm suffering by being around her and feel like bursting into tears after any sort of negative encounter.

Liz10 Pushed away by my BF feeling low and lonely
  • replies: 4

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice, I was seeing a guy for 4 months but known him about 6, everything was amazing I've never felt so in love, he is such a kind soul and so crazy about me and I him. We would see each other almost every night h... View more

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice, I was seeing a guy for 4 months but known him about 6, everything was amazing I've never felt so in love, he is such a kind soul and so crazy about me and I him. We would see each other almost every night he only lived down the road then all of a sudden a close family member died and he had to fly home for a week, when he got back he was distant and I felt like I was being pushed away. Two weeks later I had a couple of emotional breakdowns to him as I guess I was trying to get his attention and then he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, that he was depressed, needed space, hated his job, needed to move out of his apartment but joked that we would probably be married by next year I'm guessing trying to comfort me. Gave him space for 2 weeks and he came back told me he missed me everyday and didn't want to lose me from his life I was everything and that he didn't want to spend time around his friends as they just wanted to party, I told him I felt the same that I was found myself non stop thinking about him in that break and never wanted to lose him again, a couple of days later I had a bad couple of days at work and Tried to turn to him for support but then he went distant and without telling me he deleted me off all social media and told me he couldn't do this and to take care and hoped I found someone. I was devastated, it's been two weeks since we last spoke and I find myself feeling depressed and missing him, he doesn't have any family here like me and told me he only told me and his family back home about the depression not his mates. I'm so lost, do I reach out to him? I miss him so much and none of this feels right! I worry that he's not doing okay as his mates don't know what he's going through. Please help I have bad anxiety, barely sleeping and unsure what to do, I know he loves me so I can't understand why he is doing this, when I get depressed I get through with the one I love around me and could never push them away!