Help me heart broken

[Jas79]

Hi

I meet a girl back in November and she was hanging out with me and then told me she not interested but happy to still be friends, she has depression and anxiety so think she has PTSD and bipolar. we texted ever day for the last few months and hangout once a week, we had planned a overseas trip together and then the other day she said she wanted to commit to me as she had been praying about it and thinks it’s right. Send me messages that she knows it right and feels loved in my arms. Came to see me yesterday to look at areas to move to a new house so she could be closer to me. She left my place and send me a message saying a hour later saying it’s not right with her and she knows because God’s put in her heart that it’s not right. We where dating for three days I’ve told my family and friends just feel gutted. She say she doesn’t want hear from me anymore or see and not contact her as it will be harrssment. I feel gutted

[Croix]

Dear Jas79~

This really is an unexpected disaster and you would be feeling dazed and heartbroken. All the indications were positive, then rejection.

It is hard to understand such an about face. I guess it is possible after being with you and looking at new accommodation she simply realized it was not for her, on the other hand it could be a result of her mental illness, I understand those with bipolar can experience extreme moods, both low and high or excited.

In a sense it does not realy matter what her motives. Saying she does not want contact is one thing, but to then say any contact would be harassment seems to me, unless there are other factors, to be over the top.

I think it is significant that nowhere do you mention she has empathy for you or the horrible situation you are now in. From my point of view a relationship has to be based on trust and care. Each person has to feel the other is there for them and is reliable.

I'm sorry to put it bluntly however on what you have said I'd think you are well out of it and it is fortunate things had not gone further. If it was me there is no way I could ever trust this person after this.

I'm afraid you are in for an unpleasant time until life picks up, please be aware that there is a very strong temptation to find fault with oneself and wonder if it is some failing of yours. There is nothing in your account to lead to this belief, you are simply a victim.

I'd suggest you try to keep busy and resume as normal a life - including social life - as you can. The fact you have had an unpleasant experience does not mean it will happen again - ever.

Do you have someone to talk things over with, it can be a relief?

Croix

[geoff]

hi Jas, welcome to the forum and sorry for how this situation has changed.

Her moods have changed and whether it's because of her depression, anxiety, PTSD or BP is difficult to determine but I know that it has upset you.

I realise that she has said that you are not to contact anymore, but I would think about in a couple of days by asking her if she requires help to see her doctor.

I say this because she changes her mind, plus the fact that if she moves away from her home, her security, will make her feel very uncomfortable. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Jas

Hello and welcome. I am so sad for you at this time. Your thoughts and feelings are all tangled up and very painful. Unfortunately it does not get better very quickly, so please be patient with yourself. If you have a trusted friend or family member please consider talking with that person or possibly persons when you feel low. It does help.

I noticed you said, she has depression and anxiety so think she has PTSD and bipolar. Am I to understand that it is her idea she has PTSD and Bipolar? That she has a diagnosis of depression and anxiety only? There is a small similarity in depression and Bipolar in that both cause mood swings, but Bipolar often has rapid and extreme changes, very different to depression. Also depression and anxiety can be triggered by some events but PTSD is, again, a more extreme reaction.

I don't suggest you ask her about this. She has made it plain she wants no more contact with you. It is something to bear in mind should she ever want a reconciliation. I think she would need a great deal of help and you need to be sure you are willing to support her and have the ability to do so. I'm not telling you what to do, simply raising some questions if you or she is thinking about getting together again.

Contacting her can be interpreted as harassment but would need to be more than one text or phone call. However, given that she has made this statement I suggest you stay clear. If she contacts you then it may be best not to reply. Harassment works both ways.

Keep to your usual routines as much as possible. This is one of the best ways of getting through such a painful time. Also keep posting here if you find it helps.

Mary