Struggling with relationship

[Larlar]

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids . My partner decided he needed a break and left 6 weeks ago. He has never been good at contributing any money to the family and does not spend alot of time with me and the kids either .He says he wants to work things out but still constantly choses his mates over us and spends all his money on whatever he wants ( hasn't given anything towards the kids the whole break). I'm finding it very difficult to overcome feelings of disappointment. he won't even consider that he spends too much time out of the house ( 4 sometimes 5 nights out ) . I feel like he thinks we should just slide into his life when it suits him and it's hurtful. I also feel like the suddern need for a break was as a result of me trying to sit and have an adult conversation about needing to stop spending so much money and starting to spend more time as a family.

[geoff]

Hello Larlar, welcome to the forums.

A relationship/marriage needs to be worked out financially between the two of you and if he's spending whatever amount of money when he's out drinking and not contributing to the household affairs, then there could bed a huge problem, which is what is happening.

You have 3 kids plus all the other expenses required to be able to function in a family with huge expenses so it's easy.

The trouble is if his wage/Centrelink payment goes into his account then it's going to be difficult to obtain and at least talking about money between a couple is never easy.

If he refuses, then you need to deny him, a comfy bed, to sleep in another bedroom, and knowing where to draw the line when it comes to behaviours he will expect.

Having the confidence to say 'no' to another is one important aspect of
creating boundaries, but it begins by knowing what you do and don’t
want to do.

There are a couple of other options but we'd like to hear back from.

Geoff.

[Larlar]

Thanks Geoff. I do find it hard to talk about finances because it always ends in him saying it's too stressful he doesn't want to talk about it . But as he is the full time worker and I'm part time it means he is the main earner and I'm living off my wage and paying everything. He can be very difficult and stubborn which makes things harder and his denial that he is doing anything wrong makes even more challenging. .I could even forgive the financial problems if he was willing to do some things to contribute to the family in other ways but he refuses . Won't tidy up or clean and does not give any of his spare time . which makes everything more stressful . I get lost about communication with him as he doesn't listen and will just walk away .
Also just to clarify I never get mad or raise my voice or demand . He will walk away from just general conversation if it doesn't suit him or he doesn't want to talk about it