Struggling to move forward

[rabbithole333]

my ex and I of 5 years ended in August last year. It was all very toxic especially in the weeks leading up to the breakup and following. We were living overseas at the time and drugs and alcohol were involved. We tried to do long distance as I needed to go back home early to clear my head. It was hard. I knew I wasn’t being treated right but I couldn’t let go. He ended things on the phone with me the day he got home. It’s now been three months of essentially no contact. I was feeling relatively great until we decided to call to catch up I guess. Now I’m left feeling confused and hurt again. I know that time is going to help but I’m just feeling like I want him back even though he treated me so badly. I feel like he’s going to come back around but I also don’t want to be waiting for someone who I know isn’t right for me. I guess with the history we have I just wish he was the one still. Can someone please just help me understand that these feelings end. A big part of me feels we can still work but I feel I am also being delusional. How to people get past this kind of thing. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Yes, been in that situation.

It can go both ways, meeting up with an ex.  It can reaffirm the things you forget that were bad and it can resurrect loving feelings. In your case its the former.

After this happened several times in my earlier life I realised that I really am better off going back to the dating game as well as keeping very busy.  

When my 1st wife and I split after 11 years (2 young kids) for the 1st 8 weeks I was like you, in grief. I then saw a block of land and purchased it. Almost immediately I cleared the land and ordered a kit home. I then didnt have the time to dwell on past issues with her. That's when I realised the power of distraction.

I dont think its ideal to trades your principles of a non mistreatment to you for memories of the love you feel. It's important to confirm in your own mind that how he treated you over a long period is part of his DNA and no magic wand will change that.

Do you think you are worth better treatment?

TonyWK