Hi Abby
To approach a partner with complete honesty can be such a hard thing to do for some. It sounds like this is what your partner has done, in regard to expressing how he can no longer cope with the the relationship in its past and current form. The fact that he's expressed the need for guidance, from professional relationship counseling, may not feel like a positive but it's definitely positive when it comes to 1)finding the way forward and 2)his desire for the 2 of you to do this together. I feel for you so deeply as you manage this massive challenge on top of managing certain mental health challenges.
While I attended relationship counseling some years ago, I actually went on my own. My husband didn't believe in 'discussing our personal business with a stranger'. I learned a lot I really needed to learn. It was of great benefit to me personally, as an individual and as a partner. Just a few things in regarded to what I learned involved what a healthy relationship looks and feels like (as opposed to the type of relationship I was in), the importance of addressing the 3 individual tiers involved in family (the partnership, the children and the family as a whole unit) and I learned why I felt so stressed and depressed in the relationship. While the marriage continues, it now continues in a way most would call 'far from normal' (as of about 6 months ago). The kids and I live in the house while my husband lives in a fully self contained bungalow in our back yard, which had always been his 'man cave'. With my inability to cope with the relationship in the form it had taken, this new way of life serves 2 purposes. It was a financial solution and it was an opportunity for us to get to know each other all over again as friends. While we began our relationship about 25 years ago, we both agreed we'd never really established a deep and soulful kind of friendship, which would have served us all along. We're getting there, although it's not easy. Who knows what the future holds but one thing I can tell you is...
Relationships never stop evolving because that is their nature. Their nature is to challenge and change us, to reshape or reform us in different ways. Given that we can't stay with what doesn't work, the challenge becomes about searching for new ways that work. Perhaps another way of looking at your partner's proposal, regarding counseling, could be 'While I feel the need to search for new ways that can develop us and our relationship/friendship, my wish is that we do it together'.
I have come to look at my own personal life and my marriage as not being linear things, which a linear form of time suggests they are. To me it's all more so like a map of a landscape filled with joyful paths, exciting discoveries, potholes/depressions, new adventures, occasional fearful and dark sections, detours that can feel so far off track, a lack of helpful signs in the way of the best direction and the list goes on. Establishing a good set of guides is what can help make all the difference. One of my guides in life once said to me something along the lines of 'While it feels like you're standing on a cliff's edge, you are actually on the verge (of change). While you look out and survey a whole new landscape, take your time but don't remain on the verge'. Sometimes a leap of faith is what it takes before soaring into a whole new territory. A leap of faith and uncharted territory can definitely feel like fearful experiences, that's for sure. Can be a little easier when we can achieve such things with a partner who stands and walks beside us. ❤️
