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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ymeee Tips to help ride the wave of anxiety/depression
  • replies: 2

Good morning everyone,My name is Patricia (Trish for short). I’m a person that used to be laid back, relaxed. Growing up not much used to worry me. Yeah, I had the occasional nervous (butterfly feelings) in the pit of my stomach, but I used to have a... View more

Good morning everyone,My name is Patricia (Trish for short). I’m a person that used to be laid back, relaxed. Growing up not much used to worry me. Yeah, I had the occasional nervous (butterfly feelings) in the pit of my stomach, but I used to have a carefree attitude, growing up. I was able to control my nervous feelings. but of recently, I’m finding now, that the tactics I used to use are no longer working. I would like to ask the community on beyond blue a question? What do you do to help your anxiety/depression? I understand that not everything works for everyone. I found that having a “timeout” used to work for me in the past, but now it seems to be not as effective as it used to be. I’d really love to start a discussion with the members on this site, just to see how people like myself overcome things like panic attacks. So if you would like to join into the discussion it please feel free to reply to this message.

Fusion2k4 High school sweethearts, seperated, then married
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I met my wife when she was 19 and myself 20. At the age of 24 I had strong urges to experience other women and we seperated and I did so. After 18 months we got back together and I was honest about my experiences, my wife is accepting. Now 34... View more

Hi all, I met my wife when she was 19 and myself 20. At the age of 24 I had strong urges to experience other women and we seperated and I did so. After 18 months we got back together and I was honest about my experiences, my wife is accepting. Now 34 and married for a few years, I wake up everyday with guilt at myself for not being able to be a perfect person. I recently spent 2 weeks in hospital due to strong suicide ideation. I wake up with heavy levels of cortisol in my chest, extreme guilt, sadness, regret. I feel i very much hate myself. The sad thing is I brought it upon myself. I want my wife to hate me and leave me for a better person. I call lifeline on occasion and have booked in with GP and psych. I get very scared about the future. I feel I'm not deserving of my wife or happiness. Would love some input and support.

Samadhi-Enjoyer When is one justified in asserting one's self?
  • replies: 6

How do I know for certain if I'm in the right or wrong in a given conflict? My immediate reaction most times beyond heavy caffeine use is to shut down and not say a word in order to not feel threatened or potentially harmed in anyway. Or be as polite... View more

How do I know for certain if I'm in the right or wrong in a given conflict? My immediate reaction most times beyond heavy caffeine use is to shut down and not say a word in order to not feel threatened or potentially harmed in anyway. Or be as polite, kind and apologetic as possible to avoid escalation. In terms of my social life, I am dead afraid of somehow doing the wrong thing by accident due to ignorance of social convention. In my lowest states I'm rigid, robotic and unnatural in my responses especially in the face of people I deem intimidating, reactive or intense. I feel constantly guilty around people even if I do nothing explicitly upsetting or obviously offensive. I feel the need to think very carefully and methodically about social convention and whether I've done even the slightest thing wrong in a given situation. Even when I think an unacceptable thought I'm worried someone actually hears it from my head and thus is put off by it. So in essence, how can I for sure know to be justified in being assertive and not be overly self-conscious of my mistakes? Is ignorance without malicious intent justified or am I still ethically held accountable for the minutest violation of social conduct? I understand if I were to live in Japan the latter would be answered in the affirmative, yet in Australia, social convention seems vaguer and more uncertain depending on the demographic, with Baby Boomers seeming more reactive than later generations. I grew up in Hobart and yet I feel just as clueless of social norms and ethical justification as if it's my first day living here. I'd love some clarity from ya'll, thank you.

Tenale My boyfriend is a self-aware sex addict
  • replies: 1

Hi,My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's and have been together 2 yrs. We genuinely have had the best relationship- he is the kindest and most generous person I have met- and we were planning to move in together.2 months ago he suggested I use his ... View more

Hi,My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's and have been together 2 yrs. We genuinely have had the best relationship- he is the kindest and most generous person I have met- and we were planning to move in together.2 months ago he suggested I use his computer for my study as it's a bigger screen than my laptop and he told me his password and told me to login. Immediately a window opens on Omegle where he was having a sexy conversation with a random stranger, with some graphic words exchanged. I was in absolute shock as we have a normal sex life, communicate all the time about what we like in bed, what we'd like to try, and he knows I think him watching porn when I'm away is fine. He was absolutely distraught, said it never felt like cheating and was disgusted too- that this was a bad teenage habit of his and as he's been suffering mentally lately with low self esteem and hating his job, that in that instant he reverted back to this teenage habit to seek safety and comfort in those words. I forgave him as he promised this was the only time in our relationship he had done this, and showed genuine commitment to changing- quit his job, and started seeing a therapist of his own accord.Now, 2 months later our plans to move in are well under way and he's now communicating and talking to me about his mental state, as before I had no idea he was suffering. Just the other day we were discussing a staycation we went on 1 year ago, and he suggested that I look through his camera roll as he said he took so many photos because it was amazing. He willingly tells me his password and I'm scrolling through the photos, when suddenly the next image I scroll onto is a screenshot of a snapchat conversation with a girl- where they were sexting and exchanging nude photos with each other! My heart broke all over again, and when I asked him what this was he said he had actually been sexing random girls throughout our whole relationship- it wasn't just a one time thing and was with more than just words. He admitted he had been speaking to his therapist about sexting girls about 20 times over the last 2 years, and believes himself to be a sex addict. I feel so hurt, as I wanted to stick by his side and support him through this- but I can't get over him looking into my eyes 2 months ago when I felt so broken and at my lowest, and was still able lie to me about the extent of this. Will this only get worse with pregnancy/kids/life?

Ja_sm Betrayal and BPD
  • replies: 2

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and we have had our ups and down. Over the past year or so they have put an enormous amount of work into better understanding their condition and learning coping mechanisms for when they suffer an episode.Early ... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and we have had our ups and down. Over the past year or so they have put an enormous amount of work into better understanding their condition and learning coping mechanisms for when they suffer an episode.Early on in our relationship I spoke to a close friend about their condition and to help gain perspective/understand regarding what was occurring, especially during an episode.They have recently found out that I shared this information and whilst they stated it was unfair of them to put me under so much strain, I know they are an incredibly private person, which leads me question whether they can ever fully trust me again.I feel so guilty about talking to others about something so private to them, and perhaps I should have found a therapist. At the time though, I needed someone to talk to and that was my friend.Now I am constantly second guessing what they are saying and wondering if I have irreparably damaged our relationship.I guess I just needed to tell someone as I haven't spoken to anyone about this - I don't want to betray their trust again.

Grace0000 Am I Useless
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from chronic undiagnosed pain and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. He has gotten worse over the past few years. He has tried psychology many time and many different antidepressants with not much success. He asked me a few ... View more

My partner suffers from chronic undiagnosed pain and severe depression with suicidal thoughts. He has gotten worse over the past few years. He has tried psychology many time and many different antidepressants with not much success. He asked me a few years ago to learn how to critical think and ask questions better in an attempt to in turn help him to have a safe place at home to offload to me. I have not been successful at this. To begin with I was reluctant as I felt all he wanted to do was change me and I didn't feel that what he wanted was going to help him. As time has gone on he has become resentful and angry with me as my progress in being able to control my emotions when he melts down is very slow. When he's not doing so good he is hurtful and blames me for not doing better and that I don't prioritise him higher as I should. I don't feel this way. I feel that I really try hard to help him, by taking care of him in the ways I can. Which is cooking, cleaning, running the house, being attentive when he's not doing well. I don't know how to deal with the mental side of things and I just say the usual stuff like "I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so well, can I do something for you?" Then he gets angry because he thinks I should already know what to do and I should be able to just talk with him. Argh, I hope this makes sense. I feel so disgusting and useless. A waste of space.

sad_husband Emotional Affair or Friend?
  • replies: 11

HiMarried with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public ... View more

HiMarried with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public figure a few years ago when we were having difficulties. I know of sexy pics and invites to catch up when she was staying in the city (unsure if sexual or not). No messages I've seen are proof of an affair, maybe because he was smart enough not to risk blowing up his career by leaving text evidence of infidelity (he is married with kids). She swears they never slept together, they are just friends, and that she isn't attracted to him.For a few years things were pretty good. As far as I know, contact with her friend had stopped. We started to have difficulties again recently and texts have started again. Now they are using Confide to message, so it's very hard to know what is being sent between them. I confronted my wife and was told they are just friends. We talked about it and agreed that it should not be secretive. Confide is used because in their texts they bag his opposition, which would be bad if it became public. As you can probably guess, she's still texting him all the time, and it's entirely secretive.I think she loves me, and honestly aside from this potential emotional affair things are pretty good. She is disappointed in me for our financial situation (the cause of most of our issues), but all other indicators of a bad relationship aren't there.I do think she has feelings for her friend however, and I worry that given he would provide her with financial security, that she is interested.I know exactly how the above sounds. Please give my wife the benefit of the doubt in replying as I truly believe my wife is an honest, caring, and wonderful person. She is the most selfless person I know, and I don't think she would do anything to hurt me - but I can't stop thinking that I am losing her. Possibly she isn't even aware this may be an emotional affair. Can anyone think of reasons why I shouldn't worry? Is it possible they are just friends and I'm not seeing the truth? If she is having an emotional affair, how can I "nudge" her into realising it so it can cease? Suffice to say I am on the verge of breaking, any help is appreciated. Thanks,Sad_Husband.

24yearoldgirl Hi again - Part 1
  • replies: 2

Hi again, it's me 24yearoldgirl.. I'm now 26. My last post was about breaking away from my mother, after being her carer for pretty much my whole youth. I've always considered my mother's needs and bended my own situation to fit her needs, helping wi... View more

Hi again, it's me 24yearoldgirl.. I'm now 26. My last post was about breaking away from my mother, after being her carer for pretty much my whole youth. I've always considered my mother's needs and bended my own situation to fit her needs, helping with the cost of rent, and bills, food etc. taking on tasks such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, and medical assistance when she was ill or out of hospital. Around 3 months ago, I left my mum. I managed to achieve getting a job that I liked, and was staying with a flatmate, and felt more confident. During this time, my mum was sleeping in the car, as we have always shared rentals and the cost of living together, for my entire upbringing. While I was happy in my new job, I got news that my mum would be going into a major operation at hospital and needed urgent accommodation. And so yes, of course I left my job, flew back to help her, and we found a new rental together. 2 months ago, mum had her major surgery (removal of a non-cancerous tumor, and total abdominal hysterectomy).She was lucky to survive her operation, as she also survived her head injury many years ago. The problem is: I have been there for her through everything, and yet received abuse from her when she would drink alcohol most nights. 6 weeks after her recovery, she started to open the bottles of wine again, resulting in her calling me a stupid little bit*h, slurry*, and would film me crying. I have grown up with forms of abuse, manipulation and her threatening to hit me in the face, at her doing. And if I ever reacted, she would call me crazy, and even call the cops with footage of me yelling or crying and say that I'm meant to be a carer. Does she have a mental illness, or am I being controlled by her, willing to help her every time?

Blackdog18 narcissistic abuse
  • replies: 1

I am an 80-year-old father with a 40-year-old son who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. He lives alone in Melbourne in a lovely apartment near the CBD. The Disability Support Pension supports him. He is not physically disabled. I trav... View more

I am an 80-year-old father with a 40-year-old son who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. He lives alone in Melbourne in a lovely apartment near the CBD. The Disability Support Pension supports him. He is not physically disabled. I travel up from Geelong by train once a month to visit him, and sometimes I stay overnight. He has a substance abuse problem, alcohol and marijuana.Because of a serious violent incident against his stepmother and me five years ago, which involved police intervention, he is no longer welcome in our house. He blames the breakdown on my wife, a loving retired nurse. For years he sent her loathsome emails and text messages until I removed her details from his phone and laptop. My doctor advised me to disengage from him, which I have done from time to time. My problem is that he has no friends or support apart from me, so we always resume contact, and I visit him but no longer stay over. I generally catch up with him on Christmas Eve. Otherwise, he would see no one. Last week he demanded I stay three nights because I had been interstate to see his half-sister. (he is estranged from her and his half-brother.) I refused, and the email abuse and gaslighting started again. I care for him and am very concerned for his welfare, but he makes me unhappy and worried, and he scares his stepmother. His own mother died when he was eleven years old.

Kerrald Cheating Husband. Zero support or finances
  • replies: 2

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol. Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out. Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon.... View more

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol. Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out. Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon. He’s also previously talked about harming himself. We are going to separate after Xmas. But he went out again last night and spent all our money at the brothel again. we have 2 young children, and I have zero support as all my family and friends are overseas. He has his own business and currently pays me a wage - he says he’ll continue to pay me a wage until I can get on my feet, but I can’t trust that because of his spending at the brothels etc. I feel completely isolated, and feel that he has the control because he is our only source of income. I need someone to hand hold me through all of this mess