Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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May Tee Tee Pancreatitis
  • replies: 2

I am in two minds what to do.I have a great life but always dreamed of travelling with my partner. I know the time to travel is now for us. I have patiently waited for the right time to travel together. Life has got busy and then illness has arrived.... View more

I am in two minds what to do.I have a great life but always dreamed of travelling with my partner. I know the time to travel is now for us. I have patiently waited for the right time to travel together. Life has got busy and then illness has arrived. Partner has chosen to go back work.I hate being in our house and do not wish to wait any longer.I get angry and frustrated when I are home. We do take short trips. I am in two minds what to do. Must I travel solo.

John-Doe My wife is leaving after 25 years
  • replies: 4

After 25 years together and being married for 19 years with 3 children my wife recently told me that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for years and she wants to seperate. I tried to talk her into going to marriage counselling but she was not in... View more

After 25 years together and being married for 19 years with 3 children my wife recently told me that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for years and she wants to seperate. I tried to talk her into going to marriage counselling but she was not interested. She said she just doesn't feel that way about me anymore and that it is not something that can be forced. Don't get me wrong she was not nasty about it , she was upset about it herself and she still cares for me but she doesn't love me in that way anymore. It is all my fault. I suffer from lots of mental health issues , anxiety , depression , and various personality disorders and found myself stuck in a zone for years which caused me to live in my own world and not realise I was neglecting my wife and our marriage. Since she has told me it has shocked me into realising how bad I have let my mental health take over my life and am finally doing something about it. But losing my wife has totally crushed me. I feel so helpless , so depressed , I stuggle to enjoy spending time with my kids or anyone because I have to constantly try to not start crying as I don't want them to see me upset. I don't have anybody , I have only ever had one true friend who I also never see or talk to because of the way I let myself become. Whenever my depression got bad it was my wife who was there for me , but now all I want to do is hug her , I need her to be there for me but she is the one that is no longer there for me anymore. Then there is all the other stress on top about finances and living that is all going to have to change and the thought of her moving on and meeting someone else or even just being with someone else is killing me. I just really don't want to be alive anymore. I don't feel like I have a future that can be a happy one. Every dream I have ever had involved having my wife there with me. I hate myself. I am a failure at everything I do. I don't want to be alive anymore but yet I don't want to die either. I know that doesn't make sense but its how I feel right now. I don't know if I will get anything out of this but I need to air how I am feeling. I would have liked to have explained in more detail but was restricted by the character limit.

Ace.x-ray Love my boyfriend but also have feelings for another man, who is a close friend
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and we are happy and doing well, but in those couple of months in getting to know him I now have learnt about his personality. I am an introvert and, let me tell you, people like us need o... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and we are happy and doing well, but in those couple of months in getting to know him I now have learnt about his personality. I am an introvert and, let me tell you, people like us need our alone time and space. He is also an introvert and has never dated an introverted woman, so he doesn't understand why I need the alone time. But I have told him a week ago about it and now he gets it. I have also learnt that he is too attached to me as he likes to hold my hand while in the car when driving and hug me anywhere in the car or car park. I have never met someone like him. I feel that it is too much and feel smothered by his affections. I don't know how to talk to him about this. Another man, that I met in the UK, has come to Australia on a working visa and we started chatting more often as we are closer in distance. Since it has been a while, he is from Canada. We were really good friends and had a crush on each other while working in the same company in the UK, but we brushed it off. He contacted me back in 2019 when I went back to Australia and got to know each other more. I guess my feelings for him came back when he reached Australia, he is in Brisbane now, starting his new job in 5 days, but once he saves up money he wants to come and visit me in Sydney which I feel excited about. I really love my boyfriend and like the other man too. I've known the Canadian for a year, more than my boyfriend. I am confused when I spend time with my boyfriend but feel guilty when I think about the Canadian man, as I really like him too and think of being with him. But then I will have to break up with my boyfriend if I want to. But I know my boyfriend loves me a lot and will be so heartbroken if I end up breaking up and choosing the other man. I have even started to lose feelings for my boyfriend. I am so confused. I don't know what to do in this situation, which is affecting me that I feel guilty.

Gracie24 I don't know what to do next
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My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago out of the blue when I thought we were in a really strong position. I definitely took it harder than he did so when he asked to have occasional hookups I agreed. Anyways stupid decision I know but ... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago out of the blue when I thought we were in a really strong position. I definitely took it harder than he did so when he asked to have occasional hookups I agreed. Anyways stupid decision I know but during this, he began sending me mixed messages giving me hope that maybe things would go back to how they were. A couple of weeks ago he began being very cold and harsh and when I asked for an explanation he said some hurtful things such as that he felt disgusted and ashamed to be hooking up with me. Our breakup was a bit messy and I did some things that I regret but since then he has been entertaining other girls as well as hooking up with me and so I called him on it and he pretty much gaslit me into believing that this breakup was all my fault and that I was the issue here. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and some other serious mental health issues which has caused my friendship group to exclude and bully me and I guess I wasn't ready to also let him go but since dating him my issues have gotten much worse especially considering he always used to tell me I play the victim and don't help myself when I am really trying. It has gotten to the point where pretty much he has nothing nice to say to me anymore and all he does is purposefully hurt me. I guess I am just a bit lost and have no one to talk to or anyone to give me advice. I am also a bit hurt that he seems completely unfazed and happy whilst I am left with serious trust issues and unable to feel like I can connect with anyone. I don't know what to do anymore and don't know how to stop thinking about what it used to be like and how I can move on.

Flowerchild07 What to do if you have people who need your help, but your life is at a standstill because of it.
  • replies: 8

I have a niece who is dependent on me to take care of her and her 3 children. She has mental health issues and the children aren't being taken care of the way they should be. There's no one else to take care of things and my life, career and mental h... View more

I have a niece who is dependent on me to take care of her and her 3 children. She has mental health issues and the children aren't being taken care of the way they should be. There's no one else to take care of things and my life, career and mental health are in a shambles. People tell me just to move away and she will have to do things for herself, but I don't want to see her children grow up being somewhat neglected and not getting the very best upbringing possible. The eldest children suffer from severe social anxiety and the youngest is on the spectrum, and my niece can't get out of bed some days. The kids don't go to school very often and I am having physical and emotional difficulties trying to do everything. I have dreams and goals, but they have been on the back burner for years. I'm in my 60's and don't know how to get off this roller coaster.

natures-right Feelings of guilt
  • replies: 2

Hi. Thanks in advance for reading. I wanted to vent/ask advice about this particular issue that was raised in counselling with my partner. About 4 years ago he was diagnosed with acute leukaemia. He was very fortunate in that, although severe, it was... View more

Hi. Thanks in advance for reading. I wanted to vent/ask advice about this particular issue that was raised in counselling with my partner. About 4 years ago he was diagnosed with acute leukaemia. He was very fortunate in that, although severe, it was a treatable kind and he is now in complete remission, after spending about a month in hospital and then over the course of 8 months being treated as an outpatient. In counselling he brought up the fact that he thinks our relationship started to decline then because I apparently said 'I can't do this anymore' to him when I first started visiting him in hospital. I have to admit that I don't remember saying this at all. But it's entirely possible, given how stressful the situation was. If it's the case, I am certainly not proud of it. There are many things I wish I had done better whilst I was a caregiver, and obviously I wish that I had not hurt him in this way. I think all this has come up again because when we were fighting, I said I was worried about having to be a full-time carer for him as he got older (he is significantly older than me). Again, I realise now that this was a hurtful thing to say. I have a lot of trouble balancing being open and communicative with being diplomatic and not saying everything I'm thinking. I'm struggling with the guilt of these things whilst the other part of my mind provides counterpoints - I do not believe that I ever would have left him whilst he was sick; I did look after him through his leukaemia; he has always made an issue about me from seeking therapy for my mental health, so that especially during such trying times I felt I didn't have people to talk to since I can find it hard to confide in my friends; as an older person, is it not reasonable that he should also be thinking about his life as he gets older and how that could affect me? He calls me selfish and narcissistic and I am entirely willing to believe that I have these tendencies. I am trying very hard to fix them. I just don't know where the boundary is for me to have an appropriate level of concern about my life, versus actually being selfish and not thinking enough about his feelings. I have been selfish in the past with him and my family, and I feel like I don't relate to that person anymore. But when he says things like this, I can't help but question if I am indeed a bad, a narcissist or a sociopathic person.

DanGhost I overthink about my relationships
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Hi! this past year has been quite hard for me as I got out of a pretty toxic relationship that ended badly.I've recently got into a new relationship and my trauma from the previous relationship is making me overthink the little things that's going on... View more

Hi! this past year has been quite hard for me as I got out of a pretty toxic relationship that ended badly.I've recently got into a new relationship and my trauma from the previous relationship is making me overthink the little things that's going on and making me stress out of it all to the point I start to have panic attacks thinking I've done something wrong or said something wrong.I do have undiagnosed autism bipolar and a few other things that aren't helping this at all and if anything is increasing the stress and overthinking. I want this relationship to work more than anything she makes me so happy beyond anything I have been in a long time and She is such an amazing person and I'm wanting to help my brain think and to not let it effect my relationship both of our lives are a bit chaotic right now but should be calming down in a few days I hope. with this I'm just wanting to know some ways of dealing with my overthinking and stress. any help is very very much appreciated

Talltrees89 Extreme guilt and paranoia
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I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their house... View more

I went out for drinks without my partner and I stayed out extremely late with a bunch of male/female friends that I hadn't seen in years. I didn't cheat or do anything bad but I just feel so guilty now. I dropped off a few male friends to their houses afterwards and even that makes me feel guilty and I regret doing it as it some how feels in appropriate and disrespectful. I can't stop crying and have a sick feeling in my stomach. This man is my world and I'd hate to jeopardise it. Why am I taking this so hard? I have anxiety diagnosis already and now feel highly paranoid and guilty.

Teddy Bear Feeling like the meat in the sandwich
  • replies: 1

Hi there,The relationship between my husband and his adult daughter has broken down. She refuses to come around to visit him anymore and more or less has cut off contact with him. He suffers with depression and anxiety, which has contributed to some ... View more

Hi there,The relationship between my husband and his adult daughter has broken down. She refuses to come around to visit him anymore and more or less has cut off contact with him. He suffers with depression and anxiety, which has contributed to some of his behaviour which has pushed his daughter away over the last few years. They used to be extremely close when she was growing up, so this is very painful for him.What also doesn't help is that he cannot tolerate her husband. He has tried to get to know him but the more he got to know him, he realised that he did not like him. This has also contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. She still keeps in contact with me, she is my stepdaughter, and just recently she has invited me to a baby shower as she is having a baby. I would like to go , but I feel really bad for my husband as I know it will trigger him into a downward spiral again, and he has been really trying hard to stay upbeat. I don't want to go behind his back because I think honesty is always the best policy, I just feel like the meat in the sandwich, as I understand his feelings but I also understand the daughter's feelings, and I think by staying away she feels that it is the only way for her to cope with the situation at the moment. He is going really good at the moment and I am scared that if he goes down again he will start self harming again as he has done that in the past and also stops eating and drinking. We ended up at hospital last time.Just wondering if anyone has advice.

Stephii Help
  • replies: 7

Hi. I'm just laying here a bit upset I don't know what to do anymore.my bf and is communication he depleted, he tells me he hates affection and we do not kiss hug or touch and he never calls me babe or baby anymore. He says go eat some more food you ... View more

Hi. I'm just laying here a bit upset I don't know what to do anymore.my bf and is communication he depleted, he tells me he hates affection and we do not kiss hug or touch and he never calls me babe or baby anymore. He says go eat some more food you fat f"** if you stood next to an elephant I wouldn't even be able to tell the difference. I don't think I'm fat I like myself in the mirror but he's led me to believe I'm a giant mammoth and I hardly eat anymore if I eat one thing he says go on shove your face but the thing is I don't and I hardly eat he acts as if I eat so much when I lost five kilos in a week I am afraid to eat he calls me a fatty and to go lose some weight it's like he wants me to be skin and bone to make him happy he said it you weigh more then me which I don't it must make you fat. I said everyone's body is different I'm Maori I'm not skin and bone but I ain't fat. I like my body always have and no-one else has ever called me that. And if I tell him about his ignoring tactics silent treatment neglect he gets mad and starts calling me nasty names I don't know what to do anymore I just call him those names back cos I am hurting. It's taken a huge toll on my self esteem and now all my insecurities are bought out. Not to mention the fact I get called ugly r****d if was gone noone would notice cos my family doesn't care about me . My dad killed himself and he knows I don't have anyone. On top of that gamble issues and everything else I'm so depressed and then I don't clean the house because he nags me right after he's called me names. And then he's nicer to everyone else but treats me like garbage. I don't know what to do anymore I do want to live I love life but he just stresses me out I feel like he doesn't love me I'm not sure any tips ?