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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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William255 Relationship falling apart
  • replies: 2

So I recently moved to a city with my partner and sister and I have had family court drama going on in my life recently and it’s badly affected me the past month and made me treat my partner not right (nothing abusive) just how I spoke to her sometim... View more

So I recently moved to a city with my partner and sister and I have had family court drama going on in my life recently and it’s badly affected me the past month and made me treat my partner not right (nothing abusive) just how I spoke to her sometimes, or wasn’t motivated to do things or wasn’t thinking straight and I would forget things cause I had a lot on my plate, I was hoping she would understand this because she suffers from bpd, bi-polar, depression and had a rough upbringing and toxic and abusive ex’s who also cheated, she told me 2 days before my court cause against my father that she feels like the relationship is falling apart and feels unloved in the past month and I tried to reason with her and apologize I’m ridding myself of bad habits and putting a lot of effort in and she feels like she doesn’t wanna continue the relationship cause she’s seen this phase so many times with ex lovers even when I had a talk with her saying I still love her I’m not mentally right and I’m seriously committing to you if you let me, and I’m heartbroken that she feels like she can’t keep it going, I asked for support in fixing it that it was my fault you felt like that and you shouldn’t ever feel that way and asked if she would let me fix it and she said she ran out of effort and it’s really affecting me, the past day or 2 we’ve still talked like girlfriend boyfriend but she has times and she wants my attention and love and times where she wants to be alone I’m respecting her boundaries but also wanna give her more attention cause I feel like I never gave her enough but I don’t wanna come off as too clingy, we have laughed loved and talked good when ever we don’t talk about our relationship and talk about life. I really wanna fix this for the good but I feel like I’m losing her, (might be me feeling pretty but a week before the month started I asked her to talk about how I felt about things and how I would feel the next couple of weeks and we never had time to talk about it so I feel kinda betrayed) she also said how the last month felt like not a relationship I just slept with her loved her and dropped her off at work and etc, which kinda broke me cause we had some good times in the month still idk if this is a bipolar on top of the matter, I don’t know what to do I try to tell her I’m changing for the good and that I love her but her bad experiences and her mental illnesses make me feel like it’s impossible

ladybird22 2nd Sunday in May
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone...Haven't posted in just under a year, but good old Mothers Day seems to trigger me, so here I am writing out there to the unknown hoping someone understands. I seem to struggle with how my relationship with my adult children isn't as goo... View more

Hi everyone...Haven't posted in just under a year, but good old Mothers Day seems to trigger me, so here I am writing out there to the unknown hoping someone understands. I seem to struggle with how my relationship with my adult children isn't as good as others & that they are "just too busy for me & don't need me anymore". I feel like I'm not an important person in their lives anymore.Yes my grandchildren are older now and I did choose to move into a regional area, but their care factor has dropped and it's been hurting me for a while & worse today.I did get three texts from them this morning on mother's day, which is better than nothing, but the texts were all about "how they were going to be spoiled on their mothers day".... Texts & FB are so impersonal and a quick phone call doesn't take much effort. I went off my antidepressants 2 weeks ago ever so slowly & have been ok, but ive noticed the same old tired black dog creeping in and today it's horrible. I did my best as their mum at the time & perhaps I could have made wiser decisions, but I wasn't always wise back then...I feel they sent me a "Happy Mothers Day" text early in the day just to get it over with so they could enjoy their own day.... I haven't been well and not one of them asked in their texts this morning, "how r u mum?"... I can't drive down to see them due to ill health and I can't make phone calls to them as they are just "too busy" & I feel like I'm a hindrance phoning. What to do? Do I just accept that I don't have a close family & accept the loneliness and depression that's been creeping up on me again lately? To all those estranged mothers today feeling the hurt, please remember you are a unique special person & "Happy Mothers Day to you!"

CM21 Scared To Start a family
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I don't know where else to go for advice or support. My longer term partner of 9 years is desperate to start a family but he just doesn't understand why I am so scared, I don't know why I am so scared, I don't think he realizes the commi... View more

Hi Everyone, I don't know where else to go for advice or support. My longer term partner of 9 years is desperate to start a family but he just doesn't understand why I am so scared, I don't know why I am so scared, I don't think he realizes the commitment that is involved for me to carry, birth and raise children. I know how badly he wants children but it absolutely petrifies me. we currently live pretty freely we drink and socialize a lot, im scared he is no longer going to love me or find me fun or something... my mind is going crazy at the moment with the pros/cons ifs and buts.

Federer Unlearn Psychopathy
  • replies: 4

How do I unlearn psychopathy? Or prevent my kids on becoming psychopaths or sociopaths. After working in the corporate environment I have decided not I was setup for failure it was such a toxic work environment and I can still feel the pressure in my... View more

How do I unlearn psychopathy? Or prevent my kids on becoming psychopaths or sociopaths. After working in the corporate environment I have decided not I was setup for failure it was such a toxic work environment and I can still feel the pressure in my eyes because of the psychopaths and sociopaths I was around and the narcissists I was around who manipulated and gaslighted me where I thought I was losing my mind. So How do I unlearn this? Because I don't want my kids to become psychopaths (BTW I don't have kids)

Sophi_e What do I do?
  • replies: 5

My boyfriend and I recently moved in with each other and before this I knew he enjoyed drugs. Since I have been living with him and found him in dire states more than a couple of times - he came to me and told me he wasn't happy with his use and I ag... View more

My boyfriend and I recently moved in with each other and before this I knew he enjoyed drugs. Since I have been living with him and found him in dire states more than a couple of times - he came to me and told me he wasn't happy with his use and I agreed and asked what I could do to help him. I have supported him over the last few months in many stressful periods and told him that he doesn't need to hide anything if he does anything, just be open and honest is my philosophy. It has recently gotten worse where I am convinced that he has been taking illicit substances on nights out or when he's home and he convinces me that I am silly and he would never - to which I always find out about a week later that he lied to me. I have encouraged him to see someone or to try and take himself out of situations where he knows friends will encourage him. I no longer know what to do, I am in a very stressful period myself and can't keep being lied to. This isn't a good relationship foundation as now I have developed trust issues around other areas because if he can lie about this - what else can he lie about? Please help me.

Phoenix2222 After Infidelity
  • replies: 5

I'm in my 50's. My 20 yr marriage was rocked when I discovered last year that my wife had a 12 month affair. It was over when I found out but could easily have started up again given what I read. There were many graphic texts and emails plus some pho... View more

I'm in my 50's. My 20 yr marriage was rocked when I discovered last year that my wife had a 12 month affair. It was over when I found out but could easily have started up again given what I read. There were many graphic texts and emails plus some photos. I put and end to the other bloke attempts to re-connect and also exposed him to his wife. He took out an AVO against me which was dismissed in court. My wife's attitude was that I had brought it on myself. Things had gone bad. The main thing is that I don't blame myself but I can see how my pedantic anxiety ridden personality, grumpiness and critical remarks helped create the landscape where this was possible. What has been revealed is that I have been a long term depressive. I had become angry and overweight, unhappy with my life. She earns the bulk of the family income but has a drinking problem. I was hoping and expecting some genuine remorse from her and possibly some counselling to re-ignite the spark and bring us closer. In reality after 18 months she has done nothing. She just can't do it. We had not been intimate in more than 1 year and when we finally were intimate recently she was hardly involved. I gave up and said don't worry about it. I have been going to the gym, working many more hours (having spent years as Mr Mum and working part time) and tried my hardest to be a better man. The thing is that nothing has changed from her end. The end result is that I have continued to do counselling on my own and had to completely re-examine my life. I'm still in a world of pain but I keep going. It's tough when you do not feel admired or loved in the way you feel you deserve. I thought I would post here to get some feed back and maybe some advice. I am still plagued by triggers of her affair and feelings of revenge against this low life who snuck in under the radar and how willing my wife was to be part of it. The humiliation is massive but I keep fighting it. Anyway thanks for reading. There is a lot to say about this but the main thing is how this incident revealed me to myself. A kind of blessing in disguise for personal growth but an awful lesson. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Thanks.

dfdm74 Where do you start with a circle?
  • replies: 3

I was diagnosed with bipolar and I had intence counselling for it to the point I was off all medication for years.However within the last year everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, I no longer talk to most of my children ( all adults now ) a... View more

I was diagnosed with bipolar and I had intence counselling for it to the point I was off all medication for years.However within the last year everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, I no longer talk to most of my children ( all adults now ) and since one of my sons girlfriend has been at my home things got worse.I was going through a period of wanting to die so I sort help from my doctor, I guess admitting I needed help was a good thing. Anyway without having to go into everything as it would be to long of a post if I did, to cut it short one of my daughters wishes I was dead and though I have apologised for my bad peranting when she was younger she still throws my past in my face well she will tell anybody who is listening but fails to except responsibilities for her own part in our arguments then to top it of my sons gf makes living with her hard because she doesn't want to respect my house rules.I have explained why they are in place and asked her more than once to abide by them but I feel really disrespected as she continues to ignore them.But then they my son an the gf get angry at me because I told her once the car is fixed she had to leave and go home, since I'm unable to live with someone who just wants to be lazy all day every day.I really don't feel I'm in the wrong, anyway I have so much going through my head I really can't just pin everything on my kids or the gf but can someone please tell me am I out of line for trying to protect my health and my mental health

Anonymous__01 I constantly screw up my friendships and I don’t know what to do
  • replies: 1

Not sure if correct category as it pertains to a friendship. Basically me and a coworker of mine really hit it off, the banter was fun, bounce off each other really well, etc despite our age gap(I’m 22 and she’s 17) and it led to me questioning if I ... View more

Not sure if correct category as it pertains to a friendship. Basically me and a coworker of mine really hit it off, the banter was fun, bounce off each other really well, etc despite our age gap(I’m 22 and she’s 17) and it led to me questioning if I have feelings for her or not which made me feel so torn up inside but I genuinely liked her as a person and spending time with her so I asked to hang out. On the day we meet, everything’s going well but towards the end of the night I essentially unexpectedly break down and trauma dump on her as well as blurt out that I feel so selfish because of my uncertain feelings for her. We were parked outside a McDonald’s at this point, she said she needed to go to the toilet and reassured me she’d be back which I knew wasn’t the case as she took an Uber back home, she apologised on message shortly after and said it was because she felt neither of us were in the right mindset, we had a very brief call where she said we’re good and that she’s open to hanging out still but today at work she just felt very distant in her tone and body language and didn’t happily approach me like usual which is now sending me into panic mode admittedly to the point where I tried to call her multiple times today and have messaged her quite a bit. I just hate myself so much for ruining what was a fun and wholesome friendship and I constantly have done this in the past(Sabotage my friendships in some way shape or form), it’s like I’m caught in a loop I’m self-aware of and can’t break out of it.

Owlingo Attached to toxic family
  • replies: 1

Recently I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, as well as agoraphobia. I've lived with a really toxic and dysfunctional family. My parents were abusive when I was younger and emotionally abusive during most of my teen years. My parents ... View more

Recently I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, as well as agoraphobia. I've lived with a really toxic and dysfunctional family. My parents were abusive when I was younger and emotionally abusive during most of my teen years. My parents fight every. Single. Day. Mostly about money. Which caused me financial truama and anxiety. Now I am 18. They don't come at me anymore (maybe because they can see I am dealing with things), but my siblings have always gotten more shit from them then I have ever. My parents always saw me as sensitive and weak. I've been told countless times by my siblings that my parents always listen to me whenever I need something. I noticed that as well and use that as an advantage to help my siblings. But I've always felt like my parents hated me and are annoyed by my presence. I want to move out. But I don't know how long until I feel like I can. I am struggling to anything on my own. I feel like they made me so dependent on them, that I can't do anything. I'm trying to learn skills from scratch for future me to live on my own. I have no intrest in getting married, but my parents said I can only leave the house if I'm married. But I want to live alone and have my own life. So, when I leave, they will probably never talk to me again. Which terrifies me. Because I don't want to lose them, I just want to give myself a healthy environment and to do that I need to distance myself. I know my siblings wound stay in constant because they understand. Im so mad at myself for struggling and being so weak. Why don't I have any skills or strength? I wish there was a place I could stay and have help whenever I need. But I would make sure that I only use it if I need it. A place I can learn independence while having anxiety and depression. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to secure myself financially because I can't handle working 8 hours a day. How am I going to live alone if I don't have money? This is so stressful and exhausting.

Upset-sometimes Innocent or not
  • replies: 1

We have been together for just over 9 years. He started staying over at work for an hour to have a cigarette with the cleaner who needed some support as no one was talking to her. He told me all about what was happening but as time went on I started ... View more

We have been together for just over 9 years. He started staying over at work for an hour to have a cigarette with the cleaner who needed some support as no one was talking to her. He told me all about what was happening but as time went on I started to get upset. I tried to talk about it but he always brushed me off with, 'she is a lovely woman' I became more and more upset and he knew why but he didn't stop. Over 3 months went by and his manager noticed and told him that I wouldn't be happy if I knew what was happening. He told me all this....it gave me the courage to tell his straight how upset I was....very angrily. He told her immediately that he was coming home on time from now on and never stayed back again. He told me that there was never anything romantic in his mind. It is now 18 months later and I'm still angry and upset