Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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samseldom Living with a depressed person
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I need someone who can relate.I am in a VERY turbulent 16year relationship which both myself and my partner have depression issues. I am a cold and emotionally distant person ,i wish it were not so.My partner is generally a warm passionate person who... View more

I need someone who can relate.I am in a VERY turbulent 16year relationship which both myself and my partner have depression issues. I am a cold and emotionally distant person ,i wish it were not so.My partner is generally a warm passionate person who makes friends easy but can also be very dominant. He is articulate, worldly and from a successful family. However he is depressed, and very angry. He is waiting on second open heart surgery after his first very traumatic one 5years ago.I dont know how to deal with his anger. Has anyone had to deal with something like this?

Nervybella Tricky relationship with mother
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Feeling at my wits end today. I really don’t know where to go from here. I have a very close relationship with my mother but we have always bickered a bit. More so recently these have become full blown fights and I am just about at my wits end. For c... View more

Feeling at my wits end today. I really don’t know where to go from here. I have a very close relationship with my mother but we have always bickered a bit. More so recently these have become full blown fights and I am just about at my wits end. For context, below are some of the things she does - multiple calls and texts a day even when I’ve asked her to do less- gets upset with me when I say I don’t have anything to report after already talking to her throughout the day- will text me and if I don’t reply quick enough she will call me - invites herself over even when I’ve told her I have plans all of these things make me feel stifled and it’s way too much for me. I really want her to get professional help. Obviously I can’t diagnose her but I think she has some kind of condition. She’s impulsive, anxious, has poor time management and poor financial literacy. Low self esteem. Mood swings. The list goes on. She can be volatile to you one moment and the most loving and caring the next. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve said and asked repeatedly to please respect my boundaries and what I’m asking of you. Then she gets upset and defensive and makes me feel like an awful person for saying these things and how it makes me feel has anyone been in a similar space and gotten through it? I don’t want to have to cut her off or have major damage done to our relationship because I love her and we are close but I don’t know how much more I can handle -Bella

Wren2 Husband always angry, never happy and becomes quite horrible to our sons
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Hi , first time poster here so excuse long post. I could go on forever this behaviour has happened on and off our whole relationship. I thought I knew better I’ve been married once before and he was very controlling and emotionally abusive but it see... View more

Hi , first time poster here so excuse long post. I could go on forever this behaviour has happened on and off our whole relationship. I thought I knew better I’ve been married once before and he was very controlling and emotionally abusive but it seems I ended up in a similar situation. Long story short we have been together for 19 years , we did separate once but I gave him another chance and didn’t want to be that on again off again couple. But lately I feel like I’m at my limit. He’s always angry at the world, he never takes responsibility for his mistakes, if I say something hd just yells , he’s horrible to our boys I feel like I’m always on edge just micro managing situations to try and stop him from going off. If I try and talk to him he just says “I’ve fn had enough , I’ll just leave” and makes me feel bad I try and say that’s not what I’m saying that I’m asking what’s going on with him and he always threatens to leave. He has lost two jobs in the last 12 months because of his attitude but it’s always someone else’s fault, but the only common denominator I see is him. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not enough, he’s never happy and says he never will be, jokes about dying, he refuses to get help says it’s just the way he is and if I don’t like it then he will go. Through our relationship it’s always been like this highs and lows when he’s good he’s caring fun when he’s low he’s mean and cold, the lows are getting more often I’ve tried to help but he don’t take it and I just don’t want to live the rest of my life having to feel like this and always worrying if he’s going to blow up at me or our sons or anyone that just says the wrong thing when he’s in one of his moods. I just really needs to say some of this stuff outside. I feel stuck, I know I’m not but it feels that way. Thanks for reading

Stevolica27 Christmas and the in-laws stress, or do I just need to chill out?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I feel silly for askin' but I don't know where to get perspective from. In short, every year, my partner's family go away (a few hours away) to their holiday home. It's a nice place to go and my partner's family are great! But it's just ... View more

Hi everyone, I feel silly for askin' but I don't know where to get perspective from. In short, every year, my partner's family go away (a few hours away) to their holiday home. It's a nice place to go and my partner's family are great! But it's just too much (for me). They go away for the week and expect all of their adult children (and their partners, and friends, and whoever else) to go there and hang out. It's of course, totally fine for people to come and go, and everyone is very welcome. The issue I have is, I'm happy to go out there for Christmas Day each year and/or stay a couple of nights but much more than that is not a very nice time for me. My partner tends to get swept up with whatever's going on (constantly) leaving me with not much opportunity to plan my own things, or how to spend time. Anyway, last year, my partner kindly suggested that we go for a couple of nights then we go and do other things during the week either back from home, or else some time in other places in the region and have our own holiday. After nearly 10 years I was relieved last year to do this. But, my partner JUST said yesterday that, that was a big 'compromise' for them last year and this year I should 'compromise' and go to their family thing for the whole week. I thought finally last year we'd struck a balance. It actually makes me very anxious and well beyond unexcited to be committing to this week 3 hours away. It's a nice place to go but there's really not much going on and they don't really organise any outings etc. (and I can't just 'do my own thing') - all just making feel a little bored at best, held hostage at worst Any thoughts, criticisms, suggestions or advice welcome please. I can't resolve this inside my own head Thank you!

Ngapala1042 Unable to move forward
  • replies: 3

My daughter in law finds fault with everything I do. They have a son who is 20 months and I. January last year I posted a picture of him sitting in his paddle pond on my Facebook page because it was a really hot day and it was a cute photo. I never e... View more

My daughter in law finds fault with everything I do. They have a son who is 20 months and I. January last year I posted a picture of him sitting in his paddle pond on my Facebook page because it was a really hot day and it was a cute photo. I never even thought she would be offended. she was and instructed me to remove it straight away, which I did.I apologized and told her I posted it without thinking.she then read the riot act to me about not respecting her boundaries and that when her son came home from work they wanted to have a discussion with me, so thst I understood their boundaries and would respect them. I was staying at their house, so it was very uncomfortable and I felt traumatised! I would never do anything to upset her intentionally.anyhow, my son came home from work and was clearly stressed by the situation. I apologised sgsin but she said my apology wasn’t enough and that I had to agree to their boundaries. I suffer from anxiety and with her walking up and down the passage, to speak to me every five minutes, I lost my cool and decided to leave. she said. “0h it my fault now is it. I said. No it isn’t, it’s obviously my fault, I can’t stick to the rules, so I am going to leave to remove myself from the situation.she was furious and sent me a barrage of text messsges saying how my Don was heartbroken and that all I cared about was myself and I wouldn’t take responsibility or ownership of my actions. I am heartbroken, as she hasn’t spoken to me for months. I honestly feel like I am the worst person in the world. I don’t deal with conflict very well and I just try to escape it. thst is on me, I shouldn’t have left but I was panicking and didn’t want to go down the road of being told off again.I honestly feel like taking my own life , as she has told other members of the family whst happened and how I wil not own up to my responsibilities of doing the wrong thing. I just don’t know what to do.

Sad_childhood Memories of Mum Taking Me to Cheat on my Dad
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Hi All,When I was around 10 years old, I have a strong memory of my mum taking me and my brother to another mans house. She told me to take care of my brother in this guys lounge room, while she went into another room with him.I later found out that ... View more

Hi All,When I was around 10 years old, I have a strong memory of my mum taking me and my brother to another mans house. She told me to take care of my brother in this guys lounge room, while she went into another room with him.I later found out that my mum was cheating on my Dad with him.My aunty asked what we did on the weekend and I told her the truth but it was innocently. I had no idea what my mum did at the time.From then on, mum blamed me for destroying the family and we have had an extremely strained relationship. She is also a narcissist and completely broke down when I came out as lesbian when 14. My mum, stepmum and stepdad (different man again) both destroyed my self-confidence, self-worth and any type of happiness I had.I had no childhood because they were all caught up in their own lives.I have anxiety, depression and maybe some PTSD and ADHD.How do I deal with this ? Seeing a psychologist every 2 months (due to availability) is pointless to me because I have so much to work through.Please help, I want to feel confident and happy for once in my life.

Emma9 I can’t stop cheating and lying.
  • replies: 2

I am 33F and my partner 35M have been in a relationship for well over 14 years. We have a child together. I’ve had issues with online cheating for almost the entirety of our relationship. It began a number of years in, I connected with a person onlin... View more

I am 33F and my partner 35M have been in a relationship for well over 14 years. We have a child together. I’ve had issues with online cheating for almost the entirety of our relationship. It began a number of years in, I connected with a person online as I was going through some mental olympics that I definitely should’ve looked into. We were living under stressful conditions and instead of being mature enough to talk it through, I used this as my escape. My partner found out but he forgave me and let me back in. We moved in together and things were rocky between us from time to time. My partner was working long hours and I found myself alone for long periods of time. I was simply selfish at this point because a few years in I found another person to cheat with online. These online relationships never got to a physical point. I was emotionally investing myself and had nothing left for my partner. My partner yet again found out the hard way and we almost didn’t make it through. But he’s such a loving and caring person that he forgave me yet again. We’ve since moved house a second time and a few years in, I cheated once more. We both have jobs, we were actually making things work 90% of the time and going on holidays for once which was something we couldn’t afford until now. Life wasn’t so bad but for whatever reason, without a care in this world, I repeated this behaviour. This time it all felt very resentful. We’ve had a lot of problems in our relationship, met young, had an unplanned baby, neither of us had a relationship prior, I’d say I wasn’t very present for him in meaningful ways. Well he found out yet again and I think this might be the last straw. There’s just no coming back from this. The trust was long gone, it’s definitely dead now. Obviously I have issues to work through and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out I need help. I’ve booked in for a referral with the GP to get me in with a psychologist but it’s all too little too late for us. Really, as much as I’d love to selfishly continue with him by my side and go to couples counseling, I’m actually posting here to figure out how I can help my partner move on from me as I have problems he doesn’t have to deal with. He’s greatly intertwined with me and I need to release him from those shackles as I know he deserves the world with someone else.

Loz83 Worried about husband
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Hi all, I’ve been through a lot the last year as my history may show. I’ve (regrettably) recently started anti depressants for the first time in 18 years and they are def helping but now my husband is in such a bad headspace I feel like I’m back at s... View more

Hi all, I’ve been through a lot the last year as my history may show. I’ve (regrettably) recently started anti depressants for the first time in 18 years and they are def helping but now my husband is in such a bad headspace I feel like I’m back at square one. He has a major back injury which is only getting worse and is awaiting neurosurgery. I’ve lost count of the times we have been to ER this year and he is now at the point where he can’t even shower without collapsing in agony. We have four kids plus my own chronic endo/adeno issues (2nd surgery was 3 months ago) and little to no family support so I am doing everything rn as he can’t even drive. He was raised to be the strong silent type who hides his emotions and keeps putting on a brave face even though he can’t sleep due to pain and has been crying and suicidal at 3 am on more than one occasion. To make things harder, we aren’t particularly well financed and living on one wage so every Drs visit is costing money we don’t have which makes things even harder as his wage has almost halved as he can’t work normally and I’m a SAHM. He won’t ask for help and is pushing away any and all help offered and I’m about to crack from the pressure. I just don’t know what to do anymore. The hospital today said he has been bumped up but it is still a three month wait at the best for his surgery. I’m scared to leave him alone as I don’t know what he will do. How are we supposed to get through months more of this?!

The-misunderstood-girl Partner
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I tend to constantly find myself arguing with my partner. It usually always starts off with me trying to talk about something that is bothering me and for some reason the response back always makes me feel like 1.unheard, they literally did not liste... View more

I tend to constantly find myself arguing with my partner. It usually always starts off with me trying to talk about something that is bothering me and for some reason the response back always makes me feel like 1.unheard, they literally did not listen to a thing I’ve said. 2. Always turns into where they blame me for how I’m feeling3. They tell me I’m the problem and to stop making fights (I would be telling them how I’ve done everything a person has asked of me and when I no longer have energy to do more for someone they end up getting angry with me) this is why my partner says I create the fights. 4. because I get defensive and say that I have done absolutely nothing to a person but they are making me feel uncomfortable with how they are treating me. Partner instantly says that I have done something. 5. because I get defensive my partner instantly says that I’m being a narcissist. i never feel heard but when I go to leave they make it very difficult for me.

Stratos Tired of being the emotional punchbag
  • replies: 3

I'm really struggling to deal with my wife's behavior, and I am finally thinking that it is time to leave. We’ve been together for about 20 years. My wife has always been a bit highly strung. About 5 years ago we moved cities, and she seems to have b... View more

I'm really struggling to deal with my wife's behavior, and I am finally thinking that it is time to leave. We’ve been together for about 20 years. My wife has always been a bit highly strung. About 5 years ago we moved cities, and she seems to have been in a gradual decline since then. She has been treated for depression, but the medication seems to do very little to improve her mood or behavior. I'm not even sure that the root problem is depression.The impact to me can be broken into three aspects:1. Constant criticism. It doesn't matter what I do, I will always be wrong. If I try and do something for her, I'll get told how I'm wrong, should do it another way, why was I so stupid, etc. She accuses me of not communicating, but if I ask her how I should do something or what I should be doing, I'll get shouted at because "why must I make all the decisions?". The criticism is having a profound effect on my self-confidence at home and at work.2. Short temper. I spend my life feeling like I am walking through a minefield. She loses her temper at the slightest thing. Literally one word out of place will result in 10 minutes of shouting. I find myself rehearsing important conversations with her in advance, to try and minimise the risk of upsetting her. I hardly ever have casual conversations with her, something that in itself upsets her and causes her to shout at me.3. Toxic venting. For as long as I've known her she has insisted on "venting" about issues in her life. At first I'd try to offer suggestions, but that simply angered her. She said that she just wanted to "vent", not have them try and fix anything. Over the years this has gotten more and more intense and angry. Plus, although she says she doesn't want me to try and "fix" anything, she also shouts at me because I do nothing about the issues that she raises. If a work colleague says something to upset her, she'll come home and shout at me. I get shouted at for anything that has upset her during the day - work, friends, family, world politics..... Her latest complaint is that I do not get angry when she shouts at me. I've been trying to keep my resentment of her behavior under control, as I don't think having a shouting match really helps anyone. But it does affect me, and I am really ready to walk out.Does anyone have some insight into this type of situation, or any advice that they can share?